Chuck Hammerfelt

This is a short story I wrote.

Chuck Hammerfelt

 

I would like to tell you a story. Not one of courage or bravery. Not one of even good morals, but of truth. To say you’ve never told a lie would be a lie. We all have our secrets, and in a way I believe we are entitled to them. Sometimes the reality is too hard to bear so we ignore it. We create our own illusions which take shape and create the world we live in. But from every dream we eventually have to wake up. To return to reality where our true nightmares live. Our character is Chuck Hammerfelt age 17 who lives in the not so distant future.

I open my eyes instinctively and look at my watch. The numbers light up and my eyes close in protest. I look at the numbers again 6:29. Good, I won’t have to listen to that annoying alarm this morning. Sitting up I look around. I’ll never get used to waking up and only seeing concrete. It’s so cold and lifeless.I wish I was back in the country. The city is so crowded and lifeless. Nothing green just gray with splotches of neon,nothing real. True colors are living. Their flowers in bloom, grass in the field and the colors of sunset that painters only wish they could create. I grab a can of pears and start working away at the lid with a Swiss army knife can opener. I’ll never get used to that either. These things are a pathetic excuse for a can opener.   Mental note: get a frigging can opener! After working away at the can lid for who knows how long I down the pears. Now day’s caned fruit is a delicacy. But not tomatosoup, who would have guessed? It’s almost more abundant than concrete around here. I hate that stuff with a passion. I actually found a guy last week with 50 cans of that junk. He was dead when I found him, starved to death. By the looks of it he had eaten 20 cans of that stuff and just couldn’t do it anymore. So he sat and died with a pile of food. These spoiled city people they’d rather die than live eating nasty food. But I can’t blame the guy. Tomato soup straight from the can every day is nasty by any standard. Needless to say I’ve got my duffle bag full of his nasty tomato soup.

              Standing I feel the blood beginning to flow. I walk and look out. I’m standing hundreds of feet off the ground looking at the city,once full of life but now cold, empty, silent. The skyscrapers that once reached for the heavens are slowly crumbling to the ground, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. As I stand reality consumes me. I embrace it and a tear slides down my face. I have lived my life always shutting out reality. But what else can I do? I’ve always pushed back my problems, found the deepest darkest abyss and threw them in pretending nothing was wrong. But they always find some way to crawl out and back to me. I’ll never be free from my shackles my ball and chain. It’s like trying to run from your own shadow. You can’t run from your emotions. But today it all ends.

My name is Chuck Hammerfelt. Whoever finds this do not pity me. I understand what I have done. I do not hate the world or blame it, my actions are my own. I have done this because I have found my life unbearable. I have no meaning, no purpose, and no desire to live. To the world, I leave behind this empire of dirt.

Wow I think that’s the worst suicide note ever. Oh well I doubt anyone will even care to read it. I drop the note to the floor and start the walk to the roof. It’s a funny feeling you get walking to your death. Surprisingly I don’t feel anything just an emptiness. No sadness no regret. When I reach the roof the wind is blowing. I look around and see the sun setting on the horizon. I walk to the edge and look down. Yep, I jump, I die, perfect. I climb onto the edge, and quietly whisper my last words “Goodbye, my one true love.”

              But only the wind heard his broken words. A quiet goodbye to the last beautiful thing he still had. A memory of the past when he was happy and life made sense.

Author's Note

Hi this is my first story on here so advice is welcome. (just don't be to hard on me) Thanks!

Reviews

[FMR]

You get much of a character by the way you pin down his thoughts. The beggining and the suicide note - and something of a time jump from people eating tomato soup to skyscrappers crumbling, if I don' get it wrong-- make the plot move along happily, with variety in your story-telling.

[The Crow]

Thanks for the review. Now going back and reading it and thinking about your comments I think I know what I could have done to make this better. I didn't focus on the setting on purpose because I wanted the reader to focus more on Chuck than were he was. But I do think I should have a little more so that the reader understands things more.

[meganwheeler]

this truly is a great story, it is well written, well organized. It is entirely intriguing, and makes me want to know more about his life and setting. I love the introduction, and the suicide came as a complete shock to me. I have to say that it is very well done.

[The Crow]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story! I am really glad you liked it and I will be posting more. And don't worry there not all this dark. I'm glad you found it intriguing because I wanted this to make people feel something, really anything. Thanks again! And thanks for the review.