Perfect Fire

Perfect Fire

A Poem by Beatrice Mars
"

Your favourite songs give me the perfect words for this scary situation.

"

Your favourite songs give me the

Perfect words for this

Scary situation.

 

When this music is finished I am

Speechless,

Your face is still beautiful,

Even with your mouth wide open..

(Ready to scream)

 

The fast fire is almost

Upon us,

You tremble even as

The flames are reflected in your eyes.

 

There is no music playing,

I'm sorry,

I have no words of comfort in this

Late hour.

 

I find a rhythm in this

Inferno and I feel

Tall and special.

You've done some bad things,

This is for you.

 

I can walk away,

Safe in the knowledge

That I'm a better person

And you will burn.

 

(This is supposed to happen,

I'm certain.)

 

Somehow I can't leave you alone,

The flames are so close they make

Their own music.

(But it's a bad song.)

 

It's hot as we

Dance together over burning coals,

Making our own music.

 

You step on my foot,

The music stops.

It doesn't matter,

The fire is here for the both of us.


© 2009 Beatrice Mars



Author's Note

Beatrice Mars
I tried to not use lots of words like And or BUT like I often do, I'm trying to figure out if less is more, or if the conective words add something...Are they just padding or are they needed?

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Reviews

I can walk away,
Safe in the knowledge
That I'm a better person
And you will burn.

Love that.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Good rule of thumb for using But and And in poems; don't start more than one line per stanza with them and limit it to two Ands or Buts for an average sized stanza (up until like 8 or 9 lines).

I liked this poem it has some really nice imagery. The only problem I have is that poetry can do without connectors because it's metaphor heavy, but this poem was lacking that heaviness of metaphor that most poetry requires. However that doesn't take too much away from this, and it's something you have to toy around with to get right, so it's not that big a deal.

Also just because I need to say this. SQUEE FIRE! *dies of happiness*

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on December 26, 2009
Last Updated on December 27, 2009
Tags: Burn, Fire, Music, Flame, Dance, Words, Perfect, Love

Author

Beatrice Mars
Beatrice Mars

United Kingdom



About
I'm an 19 year old girl. Of all the souls that stand create I have elected one. When sense from spirit files away, And subterfuge is done; When that which is and that which was Apart, intr.. more..

Writing