"Conception Of Humanity"

A Pantoum

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Perceptions are clashing with thoughts in and out of hope; 

Beyond the concerns for who is my brother's keeper, hence

This deranged gist of one man left for himself to cope; 

The view of freewill has been lost to self righteous pretense. 

 

Beyond the concerns for who is my brother's keeper, hence

Wrongs are considered rites as long as it is out of sight;

The view of freewill has been lost to self righteous pretense, 

Get what we can for ease is what makes everything alright.

 

Wrongs are considered rites as long as it is out of sight,

Forgotten empathy is the reason throughout this rhyme;  

Get what we can for ease is what makes everything alright,

Time will tell the tale of the values placed upon this crime.

 

Forgotten empathy is the reason throughout this rhyme; 

Everybody has seems for that of forthright suitability, 

Time will tell the tale of the values placed upon this crime;

Has the world overlooked its sense for sensibility? 

 

 

 

2011 © T.G. Hopkins III

 

Reviews

[No0bix]

I'm torn between the wisdom and the flow for my favourite parts of this piece. It conveys its message powerfully and with a strong voice, but it keeps within its own boundaries. Never out-pacing itself. Quite a blend.
I'll definitely be back for another of yours! Great write!

[Jeremy Baker]

Un-nerving picture, and deadly questioning throughout. Great style and tone.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Stunning piece, a work of art.

[FJ Davis]

Whatever it's called, it has been executed with excellence.
Another work to be proud of, Tommy!

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

This is excellent, a powerful poem and the format makes it work so well.

[Just Brooke]

Phantoms are not simple I can't even attempt them. I stick with sestinas and villinelles. But you sir, are talented! This poem is powerful and well thought out. I think it's one that the reader has to re-read in order to fully grasp its concepts. Amazing job. I am truly inspired.

[TAO]

First, I hate pantoums (mostly because I haven't written a decent one).

Second; you have the right of it, I'd say. I've been trying to figure out whether or not freewill is a myth, and it seemed, for a while, that science was trying to take that away from me (my only beef with science). This speaks to how we've forgotten ourselves; even I, sitting here reading and agreeing with every word, don't care enough. Empathy is for the weak, war is and death is for the strong (and for a very soon to be dead species). I disagree with one thing, though; time won't say a word about us when we're gone.

Very awesome piece of work, Tommy.

[David Benson]

A pantoum is not an easy write, yet you've made it look easy. This is good work throughout. I like the images you've chosen and the repetition feels natural. So many goof that part on a poem like this.

Were it me, I would change the first line of the second verse to keep it active: "Perceptions clash ..." Sure, that throws off the count, but the beat feels good to me.

I like the visual of "rites" and images it calls forth. Nicely done.

[SpitfireGrrrl]

I really enjoyed the whole meaning of this piece! I would only suggest making the font a little bigger for those of us that are half blind :) Nice write!