Love vs Friendship

...A girl falls in love with her guy friend...He stays away after knowing the girl's love for him...Sometimes, we really have to keep love as a secret just to save friendship...

I gave enough for you to become happy
Even at hours when I was too busy
But how come your heart is still not with me?
It is the same girl everyday that you can see
Am I too undeserving to be with you?
All you can do is to make me blue

Now that our friendship is broken because of love
It is I kneeling and praying with tears to the above
How can my affection erase everything we did?
You're just the person I love and truly need
What kind of potion did that girl give to you?
Let me know it and I'll take it too

I thought that in our relationship there was 'forever'
But now, all I can see in the shadows is the word 'never'
I will not regret everything that we had
Although all you can do is to make me sad
You were the greatest and biggest part of me
But I was something that you never really see

Reviews

[Colton O'Weekly]

It is very true - a lot of people have these things happen to them. I personally can relate to it.

VERY well written! I usually don't like standard AABB rhyme schemes, but there isn't much wrong with an AABB rhyme scheme. Just so that you know, though, you can have poems that rhyme more, less, have slant rhymes (Example would be "Birds" and "merge" - the way you pronounce them makes them rhyme potentially), and even that rhyme in different places!

I want to stress though that you did a great job, you didn't do anything wrong that I can see. I just thought it might be nice to let you know about some alternative ways to write poetry than the traditional verse format.

Still, very nicely written, something a lot of people can relate to. Could use improvement - everything can - but really I don't see any errors personally.

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

You might want to read back over the last line of the first stanza and check your verbs. You're in two different tenses with "can" and "was." Also, I'd suggest replacing "how come" with "why" or something more proper, but that's just my opinion. I liked the rhyme scheme; it seems to fit the words and the content of the poem somehow...