Panoply 1928

In my home town, Panoply of the Arts is a yearly festival showcasing local talent. They had a 10 minute playwright contest, limit 4 characters, 8-10 minutes long, and only a few sound cues. This was my submission. Didn't win, but I'm still proud of it.

A stage in Huntsville, Alabama at the

yearly Panoply of the Arts Festival.  The

year is 1928.  A BARKER  is standing on

the edge of the stage announcing shows. 

He is dressed in a suit commonly seen in

barbershop quartets and he's holding a cane. 

At SL there is a banner reading "Roxie's Studio of Dance".  At SR there is a banner reading "Singing Sensation Hubie Dreamly" and there is a microphone stand in front of it.

 

BARKER

Hurry, hurry.  Step right up.  Welcome to Panoply 1928.  (whispers to audience) Yeah, I know.  Panoply didn’t start till 1982.  You know that, I know that, but (points to stage) the playwright didn’t.  Just bear with us folks.

 

VITO walks in SL at the back of the stage with his portable vending stand and sets it down.  The stand says Vito "The Legitimate Vendor" Moretti on the front. 

 

We got music, we got dance, we got the arts, we got food, we got drink, but no giggle juice because it’s Prohibition. 

 

VITO picks up his stand and walks back off stage.

 

 

Panoply Barker:  Announcement: the winner of the choreography competition is our own local Roxie from Roxie’s School of Dance.   The dame cuts a mean rug.  (winks slyly) And just get a load of those gams.  (whistles). Here she is to perform her award winning Charleston routine. 

 

                                   ROXIE enters at SL in a flapper costume

She walks over to BARKER and whispers something.

 

BARKER

Well folks, it seems that our music is missing.  Actually it's not missing, we just can't use any copyrighted music.  And since the playwright was too lazy to look for Charleston music in the public domain, we'll just have to make do.  So just clap your hands to a nice Charleston rhythm okay?  (starts clapping, tries to get audience to join in) 

 

ROXIE goes back to SL and starts doing the Charleston to the clapping. 

 

 

BARKER

Charleston.  Charleston.  Charleston.  Charleston.  Charleston.  (repeats over and over in a bad sing song voice to accompany the clapping then dances a badly hammed version of the song)

 

VITO walks back onto back of  SR and sets down stand.  BARKER does not notice.  HUBIE walks up to stand with money.

 

BARKER

Hey! (chases VITO around then off stage). 

 

BARKER, HUBIE, and VITO leave stage

ROXIE stops dancing.  She bows, then remaings standing.  She gets impatient, shrugs at audience and crosses arms and taps foot waiting.

 

BARKER runs back onstage applauding

 

BARKER

Thank you, Roxie.  That was the bees knees. 

 

ROXIE bows, scowls at Barker and exits SL

 

BARKER walks to SL

 

BARKER

Hey folks!  You ready for some music? We got a real swingin’ cat.  He’s a real crooner, he is.  Let’s welcome to our little town singing sensation Hubie Dreamly.  (applauds)

 

HUBIE enters SR with a megaphone and waits for music to start.

 

BARKER

Hubie, there is no music.  You'll just have to sing a capella.  Sorry about that.

 

                                   ROXIE runs back onstage to SL and sighs.

 

HUBIE

This is for the ladies (takes a breath and then sings into megaphone).  When I saw that girl I knew she was the one for me…

                                  

BARKER  looks bored.  VITO walks up where BARKER is and tries to sell drink.  BARKER almost takes it, then runs him off stage

 

HUBIE

(singing) The one for me for always…

 

ROXIE squeals then runs over to HUBIE and hugs him. BARKER runs back on stage and pulls ROXIE off HUBIE and tries to drag her off stage.  She breaks free and runs toward HUBIE again.  BARKER manages to get her off him again and off stage.

 

HUBIE

(finishing song) Always….(bows)

 

                                   BARKER runs back onstage SL

 

BARKER

Thank you Hubie.  And a note to you dolls out there.  Hubie is under heavy security.  So no funny business.  There are plenty of other talented mugs out there for you lovely ladies  (straightens up jacket and hat).  Okay, so what's next.  Um…I don't have any other listed performers today.  Odd.  This play is supposed to be somewhere between 7 and 10 minutes.  (looks at pocketwatch)

 

                                   whispering is heard offstage

 

BARKER

(to person offstage) What? (to audience) excuse me.  (exits stage)

 

                                   BARKER walks back onstage SL

 

BARKER

Ladies and gentleman, I’m sorry to tell you this but this play is over.  It has just been brought to my attention that the playwright has run out of characters.  We only had space for 4 and they’ve all been onstage.  And really, she didn’t know how to end her own play.  So...um...I guess we just bow now and thank you for your time.

 

                                   ROXIE runs onstage SL

 

ROXIE

Wait!  Wait!  I got it!  I got it!

 

 

BARKER

You got an ending? 

 

ROXIE

Actually no.  I just wanted a line in the play.  But you know since this is Panoply of the Arts and all, we could just end with something like a good song and dance number. 

 

                                   HUBIE walks onstage SR

 

HUBIE

I kinda like that.  I’m up for it.

 

BARKER

No good.  Again I explain, due to copyright law rules, we don't have any music.  Plus we don’t have time to rehearse a dance number.  Nah, we’re just going to have to call it a day.  Maybe folks will remember this as “the unfinished play.”  Sorta has a nice ring to it you know?

 

All three ponder

 

VITO walks onstage SL holding several sheets of paper

 

VITO

Okay, so I was backstage trying to write us out of this mess and got an idea.  Why don’t we just do an epilogue on all the characters.  You know, sort of a "where are they now?"  Here. (distributes pages to each person).  Now we just take turns each explaining how our character fares after Panoply?

 

All three murmur in agreement, look over their endings,  then all four line up in the center of stage facing audience.

 

BARKER

Everybody ready?

 

VITO

Wait.  Hold on a second.  (takes flashlight out of his pocket, turns it on and shines it on center of stage like a spotlight)  All right ready.

 

 

ROXIE steps forward

 

 

 

 

ROXIE

After receiving critical acclaim for her abillity to dance without music at Panoply, Roxiewas approached by film legend Busby Berkely to assist with choreography for several musicals.  She of course accepted the invitation and enjoyed a long Hollywood career.

 

                                   ROXIE steps back.  HUBIE steps forward.

 

HUBIE

Singing sensation Hubie Dreamly went on to tour the rest of the South, but never was able to get Roxie out of his head.  He knew that he could love no other crazed fan but her.  As soon as the tour was over, he immediately went to Hollywood.  They were married within a month with a big song and dance number that the couple wrote together.

 

                                   HUBIE steps back.  VITO steps forward

 

 

VITO

After being chased off the property at Panoply numerous times, Vito was finally able to sneak back in long enough to sell a drink to a patron.  It was then discovered that Vito “the Legitimate Vendor”  was indeed Vito the legitimate vendor as the drink turned out to be nothing more than ginger ale.  (smirks)

 

BARKER steps forward

 

BARKER

(to VITO) Why is mine blank?

 

VITO

Well, all the other endings were sorta easy to write.  Besides you had more lines than anyone else.  I didn’t wanna give you any more. 

 

BARKER

I want an ending too you know.

 

VITO

Then just make something up. 

 

BARKER

(ponders) um... (ponders again) yeah...You're right.  Mine is hard.  So how ‘bout I just say that I finished out the epilogue and then concluded the play with a brilliant, poignant soliloquy that made the audience laugh a little and cry a little.  That work for you guys?

 

                                   All agree.

 

 

 

BARKER

(looks at watch again).  Okay, so we’re done.  (to audience) Um...you’re free to go now.  (waves)

 

                                   All four walk off stage.

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Di Roach]

I agree that this had a bit of a Monty Python flavor, but in a Vaudeville setting. Fun play!

[ah]

thanx for asking me to read, it was funny and delightful

[richard hurndall]

This is very funny, it reminded me of some of the early Monty Python sketches. I kept expecting John Cleese to enter stage right and slap someone with a fish. Maybe you would have won if you put that in. The humour in this piece is quite surreal, and this sort of material goes down very well in Britain. I always thought places like Alabama wouldn't get this sort of thing, but obviously they do!