CHILD, THE

A short vampire tale.

     Jennifer found the child in Volunteer Park, coiled in a ball within a rhododendron cluster. These bushes were large and created a cave like environment within. The child was a girl, about 12 years of age with long black hair, a pale heart shaped face, upturned nose and big green eyes. Her tiny whimpers drew the vampire to her. Plus the scent of blood on the Seattle night air.

     “Poor girl.” whispered Jennifer. The poor girl was close to death. Something had attacked her and left her to die. Jennifer sniffed the girl. A Lycanthrope had done this. Why had he or she left the girl to die? What was the Immortal trying to do? Turn her? If it was it should have taken her home.

     “I'll take you home.” Jennifer said. “I'll save your life.” She made ready to scoop her up into her arms when a cold male voice stopped her.

     “What do you think you are doing Jennifer?”
     Jennifer knew who it was before she turned around. Brandon. Master  Immortal of Seattle. And a vampire since 1792.

     Jennifer turned to face Brandon. He had managed to find a spot amongst the rhododendron branches to stand straight. “I want to save her.” Jennifer said.

     “Oh?”

     “By turning her.”

     “She's a child Jennifer.”

     Jennifer took on a stubborn look. “So. A child vampire.” She looked down at the dying girl.

     “No child vampires.” Brandon said. He was Master Immortal and he made the rules the Immortals lived by in Seattle. They obeyed or suffered severe punishment. He crossed his arms over his chest. His long brown hair was tangly and his brown eyes held anger. They flashed crimson as he looked hard at the female vampire. His sickly pale skin had a luminous ghostly appearance within the dark rhododendron cluster 'cave'.

     “You'd let her die?”

     Brandon only shrugged, his expression cold and uncaring.

     “I have to do something quickly before her heart stops. Please Brandon!”

     Brandon's eyes flashed red with his anger. “I can't believe you would break the rules of the city Jennifer. I'm disappointed in you. I'd have to punish you by death if you made a child vampire. I think you know that. You've lived in Seattle long enough to know the rules.”

     “Oh Brandon! Please help!” Jennifer pleaded. She wouldn't let herself be afraid or intimidated by Brandon. She knew he wasn't a cold hearted b*****d. He was just being Master Immortal of Seattle right now.

      He had saved another human child from death who had been attacked by vampires. Bethie. Why not save this one too. “Please!”

     “Please what?” Brandon's eyes returned to their normal brown color.

     “Save her! Help me!”

     Brandon stood firm and cold. Suddenly his arms dropped to his sides and he let out a rush of air. No, he wouldn't let the human child die nor would he let Jennifer turn her. There was another way. One he and his Immortal Companions used.

     “Okay Jennifer. I'll tell you how to save this human child without turning her. At least for now.”

     “Oh Brandon, you will? Thank you!”
     Brandon looked at the dying child curled in a ball. She had ceased to whimper. Probably didn't have the strength to anymore.

     “Feed her some of your blood now. A few drops. It will heal her enough to get her to your home, keep her alive. Everyday give her a few drops of your blood. This will heal her, bring her back to human health. If you want her to be a vampire you keep giving her a few drops of your blood everyday. She will grow up quickly, like a Born Immortal Child. It will take a little while. You understand how Born Immortal Children grow up quickly, reach maturity then stop growing?”

     “Yes Brandon. I understand.” Jennifer fell on her knees beside the little girl, turned her over on her back, bit her wrist and let her blood drip into the dying child's open mouth. Brandon stood silently and watched. At first there was no response from the little girl. Jennifer gave Brandon a worried look. Brandon raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

      Sighing, Jennifer returned her attention back to the human child. Her wrist wound had already healed so she bit herself again and let a few more drops of her blood fall into the child's open mouth.

     This time the little girl made a small sound and swallowed. Laughing with relief and happiness Jennifer said, “She will live!” She made to bite her healed wrist a third time but Brandon stopped her.

     “Enough. Give your blood time to work. It won't take long.”

     “Okay Brandon.”

      Brandon moved closer, ducking out of the way of a few low rhododendron limbs. Jennifer stared at the girl's face, waiting. It was as if they were in their own little world, tucked within the shadowy space of the rhododendron cluster.  Outside their boundary in the nighttime park a few humans and Immortals lurked. Brandon could see his beloved Space Needle lit up with artificial lights through the bushes' limbs. A beacon in the night. One man made object he admired.

      A gasp from the child caused him to look down at her. Her eyes were open, the color returned to her face, her wounds no longer visible. Her breathing and heart rate were normal and healthy. In that brief amount of time she was already healed.

     “Take her home Jennifer.” Brandon told her.

     “I don't hurt anymore.” the little girl announced.

     “I healed you with his help.” Jennifer nodded in Brandon's direction.

     “I want to go home.” the girl said.

     “You will come with me.” Jennifer said.

      “I want my mommy and daddy.” the little girl sat up. Tears already on her cheeks.

     Jennifer gave Brandon a desperate look, “What do I do?”
     Brandon shrugged, “Use Mind Compulsion if you want her that bad. Give her new memories, a new identity.”

     “Okay. Thanks Brandon.” Jennifer scooped the little girl up and hurried from their rhododendron 'cave'. Brandon watched them go. After a few minutes he left the concealing space the branches of the large bushes made.

      Jennifer and the child were already gone from Volunteer Park. Jennifer would have her companion and some human parents would never see their little girl child again. But what did Brandon care? He walked through the park until he had a wonderful view of the artificially lit up Space Needle. He smiled. Jennifer at last would be happy. Brandon didn't care if the little girl's human parents were happy or not. Their child would be, she would soon be full grown and Immortal.

Reviews

[Violet Stone]

This was totally awesome! I love your style of writing and it flowed very nicely. I really enjoyed the story and I loved the character Brandon. It was easy to tell what the characters traits were and it all just worked together great. You have serious potential, don't ever let that potential go to waste! :)

Best Regards,
Violet Stone.

[Tina Kline]

Thanks very much.

[Violet Stone]

Your welcome :)

[genocide]

so is Brandon the father of this vampire race so she will grow up to be a vampire she won't be stuck a child like in interview with the vampire

[Tina Kline]

She will be am Immortal Child and when she matures she will become a full fledged vampire.

[genocide]

so she will immortal then grow up a vampire

[Tina Kline]

Yes. An immortal child but one who grows to adult hood, not stuck in a child's body forever. She will drink small amounts of blood given to her by an vampire.

[genocide]

cool that's really cool just a short story not a book can Brandon turn into a bat

[Tina Kline]

Yes he can. And wolves and dogs, just about anything he wants.
I have a huge book written about these characters. But its not on this site.

[genocide]

yep im a big huge fan I hope you do more of vampire seattle my dear

[genocide]

yep im a big huge fan I hope you do more of vampire seattle my dear

[Tina Kline]

Thank you. I will be doing more Seattle vampire stories.

[Quoting Ravens]

Very nice! I like how your Immortals are dictated by a set of rules rather than the popular packs of rogues that butcher the name of vampires. However, I feel some of your sentences are a little redundant. Keep up the good work!

[Tina Kline]

Thanks for your review.

[Jack Wolfe]

I like your concept for a story and you delivered an intriguing scene; however, there are areas that need improvement. The most daunting aspect would be you’re telling me the events as they unfold rather than ‘showing’ me the event through the character’s eyes, and your pace is a bit fast. Too much happens in a short span of time . . . Brandon is the Immortal, the ruler of Seattle, his rules must be followed; yet, he gives in without much resistance; the child comes to, healing, but not in shock after being attacked, nor afraid of the vampires who are now around her. (This could be fixed by showing her reawaking, regaining strength, and Jennifer coaxing and a nurturing her back to a lucid state.) Overall, it’s an intriguing story and I’m curious to see where you would go with this.

Your sentences need a bit of work to make them concise, and to deliver your image in a clearer state. Beneath is a short re-write of your opening paragraph to demonstrate. Try to omit needless words, compact your sentences, and insure you’re writing from your main character’s perspective.

Jennifer found the child in Volunteer Park, coiled in a ball within a rhododendron cluster. These bushes were large and created a cave like environment within. The child was a girl, about 12 years of age with long black hair, a pale heart shaped face, upturned nose and big green eyes. Her tiny whimpers drew the vampire to her. Plus the scent of blood on the Seattle night air.

Jennifer found the child in Volunteer Park, coiled in a ball inside a rhododendron cluster. The bushes were large and created a cave like environment. The child, a girl, about twelve, lay within. Her tiny whimpers are what drew Jennifer to her; that, and the smell of blood on the Seattle night air.

“Poor girl.” whispered Jennifer. The poor girl was close to death. Something had attacked her and left her to die. Jennifer sniffed the girl. A Lycanthrope had done this. Why had he or she left the girl to die? What was the Immortal trying to do? Turn her? If it was it should have taken her home.

“Poor girl,” Jennifer whispered. The girl was close to death. She sniffed the girl. A lycanthrope did this, she thought, why? Why’d it leave her to die? What is the Immortal trying to do? Turn her? No. if it was, it would have taken her home.

I hope this helps some:

Jack Wolfe.

P.S. The review's not formatting right when pasted. I will send it to you (formatted) via message.

[Tina Kline]

Thanks for your helpful comments and advice. I do appreciate them. I always try to keep stories to 2 or 21/2 pages on this site since they are more likely to get reviewed. This is a short version of a longer story I am working on. Your remarks will help me greatly in that writing project. Thanks again.

[Damien Thibodeaux]

I love this! Seattle at night is a great loacation for a vampire story and your story is really good. Do you have more tales like this coming? I am really into reading stuff like this. Great write, my dark friend!

[Tina Kline]

Thank you very much. And Yes, I do have more tales like this one coming.

[Coyote Song]

A very eerie vampire tale.
No blood letting, no killing yet the chill is still there.
I'm impressed!

[Tina Kline]

Thank you!!!!

[Wolf's Dark Song]

A very interesting and compelling story.
Very readable. I enjoyed the tale greatly.

[Tina Kline]

Thank you!

[Wolf's Dark Song]

This is very good reading.

[Star Wolf]

I like this vampire story. It's eerie and spooky without using violence, death, massive blood letting or anything alone those lines. Well written, interesting all the way through. Made me want more!

You did an impressive job on this write.

[Tina Kline]

Thanks so much, my friend.

[Black Cat Fever]

A very well written story. Captivating all the way to the end. I like how the vampiress dilemma was solved by the Master Immortal. In the end there is no caring for humans, only the happiness of the vampiress.
Nothing boring or slow in this tale.

[Tina Kline]

Thanks BCF.

[Black Cat Fever]

You are most welcome.

[R J Askew]

The opening graph of this is perfect. Not a word or comma wasted. You have always impressed me with the economy of your style. The words never get in the way of the story.

As for the story, it is a strange mix of inverted morals. The notion of honour among vampires is an interesting alternative to what is essentially a fairy tale with a happy ending for all, apart from the humans in their human reality. Overall the story has a total otherliness about it. The parallel world of vampires is made real. Yet everything is cunningly anchored in the now with a recognisable physical backdrop. That said the bower among the rhodedendrons also links the story to woods and other ancient places of folklore and fairytale, places, and states of mind, where there be monsters.

The taking of a child into an alternative life is of course far darker than any amount of throat ripping and bone crunching because it goes to the heart of all our fears, both as parents and children.

[Tina Kline]

Thanks very very much!