I wish

This is from some time ago and was born from a news story at the time. I wrote it thinking it could become an educational tool, but perhaps it is a little TOO much for that...

I wish...

I wish I was an astronaut, high up in the skies.

I wish I was a policeman, chasing after bad guys.

I wish I was a poet, making up new verses.

I wish I was a doctor, chasing all the nurses.

I wish I was a butcher, putting meat on hooks.

I wish I was a TV chef, selling lots of books,

I wish I was a footballer, scoring all the goals.

I'll probably be a labourer, digging all the holes.

I wish I was a hairdresser, making the new styles.

I wish I was a secretary, tidying up the files.

I wish I was a lawyer, helping them to sue.

I wish I was a headteacher, there's not so much to do.

Me? I just wish the bullying would stop!

I often see the astronaut, looking down from up on high,

I'm on the ground again and he just kicked me in the eye.

The cop should be a hero, stopping all the crime,

but he just stands there with them, laughing all the time.

The poet could be famous, she can always find the word...

She makes up all the nasty names, the kindest one is 'nerd'.

The doctor I don't understand, she should help if I am ill,

but that's when she just glares at me, with looks I think could kill.

Please, just let it stop!

They're all making future plans, for what they want to do.

Whether they need three 'A' levels or possibly just two.

Some choose between the Uni's, which one will be the best?

It seems that going straight to work will do it for the rest.

I feel that I'm the odd one out, 'cause I just live in hope.

The only thing I seem to plan is where to get some rope,

and try to find a quiet place, perhaps with lots of trees...

Just don't let my Mum find me there, I couldn't bear that... please?

I hope they all turn out to be, the people that they choose...

and hear about me after tea, when Dad reads out the news.

I hope it makes them stop and think, and maybe cry out loud.

'Cause what they've done, just isn't good. It shouldn't make them proud.

It's wrong to do this, that I know, but I can't see a choice.

Whenever I try to tell someone, they just won't hear my voice.

I wish that they would hear me... I'd ask on bended knees,

'Please don't hit me, call me names... please don't... please, please, please.

SCH MMVIII

Reviews

[Daniel Fletcher]

Great work! I love how the meaning of the words, "I wish" develops with happy connotations, then turns to reveal the dark side of those words. Your repetition is powerful, and well spaced.
Overall, I feel this is a more poetic version of rap -- and I mean that in the best possible way. It feels just like its subject matter: a cry, a list of the angst and longing of the life. Very great!

[Tinman07]

Thank you. I was hoping people would see the descent into despair of a young one facing bullying.read moreThank you. I was hoping people would see the descent into despair of a young one facing bullying.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I understand your viewpoint here from an observational perspective. Weak people hurt others because it makes them feel strong. Strong people help others and lift them up. Strong people treat others as equals because they regard humanity as one. Strong people realize there is only one race, the human race and that race ends the same for all. There are no winners or losers. The only loss is the one who has ceased to run...ceased to participate. For this reason we must continue to try, to share, to hope, to inspire, to teach, to believe and to love. And that is what I believe strength truly is.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like this...bullying is the worst....to take someone with hopes and dreams, and belittle that person---slam that person to the ground....there will be recompense for the deeds---perhaps they will find themselves bullied in the afterlife...while the one driven to suicide finds him or herself at the top of the hill, grinning.

[I am that I am]

This is beautifully done. I've had some times as well where I wished to shoot for the stars; and the words of others pulled me back down to Earth. But, looking back, I am grateful for those moments. They keep me grounded, as well as open minded. They have also motivated me to reach those stars I was shooting for. Thanks to them, I feel I've made it there. This piece got me thinking; I also think that it was phrased perfectly. Great work, Tinman07

[Chris]

It started as as a chuckle and satire and became a sad death knell of a life long abused... We KNOW the events, see them all the time - often up close and personal ...and often miss the ones that "found" their trees.

[Tinman07]

I sincerely hope this didn't open old wounds for you, Chris.
When written it was meant as a warning to show how harm can be done... not as a reminder.

[Chris]

We seldon control where another's mind goes - we just open the thought gates.

We - as in me, you, pretty much everyone - touch many people during our paths, friends and family and the nots and neithers... both momentary and soooo long term ..and witness countless others. Empathy is NOT a gift for some. For me memories don't come cheap - each was earned and carry meanings... isn't that what being a poet IS all about?

[Tinman07]

Deep and profound... and so very true.
For me I like to think that my work will touch others... usually to raise a smile or rekindle pleasant memories.
But I suppose as long as we make the reader feel... what they feel is less important?

[Chris]

I write because I can... not have to, or often even want to. When people "feel" I believe they are empowered to become more than they were just an instant before ...more human, more of a person in ways that can touch and interact with still others. We all know tears and laughter (sometimes just another form of tears - ya know) but many seem to wall off the part of us that FEELS and hence cease living and growing - and just exist.

[emmajoy]

This is an intense and truly sincere piece of writing.. as much an account as finely written poem. Your intention builds more and more as you go from one stanza onto another until the latter part just drips with tears and fear and sadness. Your poem should and could be sent to every school.. tho goodness knows if bullies can read - they're to darned ignorant for that. Your words hit the nail on the head... strongly and firmly.

[Tinman07]

It was the result of a news item some years ago. The tragedy of a young life lost to bullying. I wrote it hoping it could be used as an educational resource... perhaps a talking piece in an English class? I'm just not sure how to get it out there into schools.
I'm glad you felt the descent into despair it was intended to describe.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.

[Georgina Cross]

Hi and welcome to Writers Cafe!
I am often reviewing new poets on here and hope you'll be able to review some of my work too.
I love the ideas you have portrayed in this poem and all link together well. The rhyme scheme is simple which works well with the subject of a simple wish. The things we long for are often simple but hard to achieve.
However i feel like there is a lot in this poem- the subject matter changes from aspiring professions to bullying and then to the difficulty of getting into said professions. Living in hope could be an entire poem in itself and the bullying could be a separate poem to. Try and structure your thoughts into different poems. This way your work will be just as beautiful and hold the same subject matters- there will just be more of it!
Sorry if this sounds super critical- i don't mean to sound that way, i just want to give a helpful insight as to how you can improve the talent you already behold.
Please feel free to look at my work and review it with some criticism too. I look forward to seeing and hearing more from you.

[Tinman07]

Thanks for your thoughts Georgina... the piece is actually about the effects of bullying. The early part introduces some of the characters as children with their simple dreams... then moves on to the way those dreams can be opposite to their actual characters. The difficulties of escaping to their dreams were as a counterpoint to the despair of the victim, and the only escape they can see.
I couldn't separate these themes without losing the narrative thread... or at least I can't see how?

I look forward to reading your work.

[Georgina Cross]

Hi there,
It's nice to hear what you wanted it to be, personally I did not get that through the writing, it was unclear to me.

[Tinman07]

This is the first time I've offered my work to the 'outside world'.
I'm happy that my first reviews are both so positive... thank you EdReilly and stranger98.

That was from some years ago, but I've started writing again... so watch this space :)

[Country boy183798]

Thank you too for sharing your works.

[Woody]

we often make plans in our early life only to realise later that they've gone astray.
nicely penned, Tinman. thought provoking but not devoid of humour. I like the simplicity and repetition in the first part. I also like the sobering second part. the rhyme is a bonus for me, as poets tend to drop the rhyme these days.

[Country boy183798]

I enjoyed reading this poem, though I wish it didn't end
It makes you both laugh and cry at wounds you cannot mend
I wish that you would write more, I'd ask on bended knees,
So please keep on penning more verses, please, please, please.
I just had to do that, I couldn't help myself!
It was great fun, simple, but yet very deep. Thank you for sharing it and I'm looking forward to your next posts.
Well done and keep on writing.

[Tinman07]

Thanks Ed, for your kind comments and that 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'?
The simplistic nature is intentional as it is intended to reflect the youth of the speaker (not the writer... that horse has long since bolted - haha)