Special

Special

A Poem by Tony Jordan

The world 
>blinks<
when 
you 
open your eyes
binary stars ;
in which I'm 
forever
cursed 
to orbit always
Hoping... 
that the seasons 
change soon
The horrid chills 
of your winter
make my bones crack
when i move
delicate 
ice shards
like 
surgeons knives
cut deeply 
each time
you open your eyes
and give me 
your
 disdain.

© 2016 Tony Jordan


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Featured Review

i'm getting that same sense of fear again, but it's not common fear, it is a fear attached to admiration and love? im reluctant to use that word because it's not actual love? there's some form of attachment between the two but i cannot comprehend it, i think i'm ending up on the same point as Daydreamer...yeah that's right, it's either love or lust

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Adoration maybe a possible candidate.
:)



Reviews

i'm getting that same sense of fear again, but it's not common fear, it is a fear attached to admiration and love? im reluctant to use that word because it's not actual love? there's some form of attachment between the two but i cannot comprehend it, i think i'm ending up on the same point as Daydreamer...yeah that's right, it's either love or lust

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Adoration maybe a possible candidate.
:)
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FIN
Wow, I knew I read this before, but this was yours, all along! I thought I had commented on this piece!

The flow of syntax against story-telling is perfect. The imagery, for me, was chilling and wonderfully evoked. "I felt the crack of those bones"
I enjoyed the vernacular, too.
The stanza breaks (I feel) are where they need to be for even flow of both pace and the unraveling of the story.

I enjoyed this entire piece!
Very much so.

I liked the "blinks" part, as well.

Nice job, Mr. Jordan

Much love,

LR

Posted 7 Years Ago


in which I'm
forever
cursed

to orbit always
Hoping...

When we love or admire someone deeply hoping someday we will be able to take away their cold ..hurt and make them glow again in our love.... it's sad they don't understand the same...Nice work I liked the image...the word blink :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Eyes have the power to slice the soul into shards. I appreciate the different imagery used for eyes and it makes the poem special.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Some people can look right into our soul. That can be so lovely or conversely it can make us feel ve.. read more
The curse of winter shines in this write Tony., but many a moments,, a woman can turn on the cold as well. I love winter but I prefer a woman to turn up the heat as we do! Lol chilling imagery Tony! :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Stark and yet at the same time empathic. I wonder how many can relate. I would surmise many. But again how many could be as erudite?

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Yes Ken, sadly many I would agree.
Thank you for your kind review my friend.
"The horrid chills
of your winter
make my bones crack
when i move
delicate
ice shards
like
surgeons knives
cut deeply
each time"
This is deep! And you use 'surgeon's knives' as a metaphor.. That's cool actually!
I liked reading this!
P.S. I hate watching surgeries😉 the blood makes me puke 😂😂😂


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Aww Yumna - how can you go into this profession feeling this way lol?
My friend once went (as.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Years Ago

Haha I love my profession as long as there isn't much blood involved😉 its the major surgeries I h.. read more
Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Ditto my friend.
Good luck with your studying. :))
I really enjoyed how obscure the type of love being presented is here as it could be love, lust, admiration and whatever it is it certainly doesn't seem to be requited by the addressee.

As I think this is the poem's greatest strength I would perhaps get rid rid of (with love) parenthetical as it feels like it's trying to explain the 'cursed' element of this type of love the speaker is feeling and without it the reader is given even more space to interpret on their own. And it just kind of stilts my reading of the poem a bit.

Also just a little note, 'PermaWinter' sounds a bit awkward especially with the caps, sounds like the name of a brand or trademark.

Good job with the poem, it was a really good read!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Hell in a Hip Flask

7 Years Ago

P.s.I really like how the title further complicates the type of love being presented as regarding so.. read more
Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

I totally agree with the points you've made my friend and I'm really grateful for your detailed revi.. read more
This starts out feeling like a strong case of adoration, but the ending shows us it's actually unrequited love. This helps us understand your use of many sharp & icy descriptions, despite this being a sorta-love poem . . . you're showing us all along how it hurts. Frankly, I don't understand why people stay in relationships that hurt, but it happens all the time, so your message is very relatable. Only one small correction: "that the season's change soon" (delete apostrophe).

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Thank you for the catch there BG. :)
I have seen this - idk - 'Stockholm syndrome' for want o.. read more
Another fantastic one. Keep writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Sorry I missed this review Barbara.
Thank you for your kind review. :)
Barbara Borel

7 Years Ago

Its all Good. Happy Holidays
Tony Jordan

7 Years Ago

Happy Holidays to you Barbara.
(hugs)

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18 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 5, 2016
Last Updated on December 24, 2016
Tags: eyes, gorgeous, magnetic, stars

Author

Tony Jordan
Tony Jordan

United Kingdom



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Just writing to get it out My avatar is an actual slice of an onion that I cut up and I kept and froze - it reminds me of the saying - If you don't laugh, you cry. more..

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