Words Fail me

When a word gets lost in the wash with the mind's socks

Come over and I'll tell thee about a strange happening that occurred next door in broad daylight -

So ...I'd seen this guy acting suspicious outside

the front of 'Her next door''s house.

...the slick looking guy ran up to her door -

He looked like a typical smarmy perv.

He rapped on the woman's door 

Soon, the woman of the house came out 

Just then, he shocked her by taking out

his...thing.

Well she took one look at the thing

and almost fainted 

it was much bigger than normal... things 

a look of disbelief painted her face

again she looked in awe at the... thing.

Then she took the... thing in her hands !!

and examined it closely

It has some raised bumps along its length

Then she tried to fold the...thing but couldn't - 

It was much too large and stiff!!

It was longer and wider than her hubby's...thing

which she always managed to slide between her 

ample bosom on a Friday night 

after he'd had a few drinks and was feeling generous

- or so he told me anyway.

But - she hugged the...thing close to her 

I don't think anything could have angered her.

Oh how she laughed and kept kissing the...thing and the man 

was smiling from ear to ear too

He even wanted a selfie of her and him together like that

~

I tell ya - never was a...thing 

more welcome !!!

*  *  *  *

damn these senior moments - I can't remember some words at all these days

Oh yeah, cheque...that's the word - cheque - the thing was a huge cheque.

'Her next door' had won the lottery. Lucky cow!

Author's Note

How far did you get in before you realised what the thing was eh?
OMG - captcha was Honeypot - damn !! lmao

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I never thought of this "thing" as being anything other than what you are trying to suggest that it might be. Once I got to the end, so I could see how this added detail fit into the write, I couldn't see any bumps in the fit. But I still wasn't 100% behind this final outcome . . . maybe just a teensy bit of a letdown, really. It was a bit much ado over almost nothing. Maybe a big fat wad of cash would have more sensual appeal for me.

[Tony Jordan]

A big fat wad of cash...?
Hmmm... I like it BG.
It's got legs lol.
Thank you - I love this review.
:)

[Jessica Lima]

So, I got interested in your work after reading 'Spent' and I came to the realization that I won't even not smile upon reading anything you write. Can't wait to read more. :D

[Tony Jordan]

I hope you dont smile at the suicide one - unless you want to lol.
Thank you Jessica - I appreciate you reviewing another of my pieces of thingy...
:)

[Jessica Lima]

Please stop, I legit can't stop laughing now. I hope you are happy. Dayum, I guess that's a famous thingy!

[Jessica Lima]

Wait... i think i just got what the thing actually was... awkward

[winter;lyra]

well...this was different.....i won't lie tho...i enjoyed

(i hoped it would remain just a thing so i could wreck my mind around it)

[Tony Jordan]

You've taken a wrong turn at the cigarette machine in my writing and ended up in the toilets Winter.

[Ana Papaya]

I never realized what it was until the end but I did wonder!! Every woman deserves a big thing like that.

[Tony Jordan]

I think you knew from the early stages what it wasn't Ana, am I right.
You're a great sport, thanks for humoring this silliness.
:))

[Tony Jordan]

Ooh I like the new avatar pic - its cute and kookie - its you all over.
:))

[Emilia Cole]

Im dying reading this but there's only one thing that could come out that mans pants

[Tony Jordan]

Hah - no, no, no, no, nooooo
lol
Thanks for the laugh Emilia
xD

[Emilia Cole]

so is ti what i think it is?

[Tony Jordan]

I stopped reading minds a few years back Emilia ;p
What do you think it is - wait did you read the very end - it tells the answer there :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

And here, I thought only I got wild and crazy sometimes 😂
Clearly you are too 😉
I had to read the last line to know what the 'thing' is lol
This one is cheeky as hell, Tony! I liked reading this 😉☺

[Tony Jordan]

YumnaKey this is what happens when you hang out with Gee. This is the Gee-effect. lol
That's my excuse and I am sticking to it. haha
I'm glad you got a giggle out of this my friend.
xDD

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Key? I think I lost it so its Kay now 😂😂😂
Ah what influence can do to one.. I get it 😂😂😂
I always get heaps of laughing attacks after reading your stuff 😉 😂

[Tony Jordan]

Yes YumnaKey - because the Cafe's yours - your the new Queen - you have the key !!
xDD

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha Nah I'm the princess lol 😉 Not that ol', am I? 😂😂😂

[Tony Jordan]

All Hail Princess YumnaKEY !!
haha

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahaha you're funny 😂

[Gee]

Oy, I'm the queen sweet cheeks, go get urself anovver frone, this Ines taken....go on, scarper

[Tony Jordan]

I told you about the Gee-effect didn't I.
Queen Gee - lmao - you're hilarious !!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

How can Gee be 'queen' shouldn't he be the 'king' ?😂😂😂

[Tony Jordan]

You haven't seen him in a dress Yumnakey
; p

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Lol err okay😂😂😛😛

[Tony Jordan]

Your still the WC princess - that crowns yours for keeps.
:)

[Gee]

I see, a coup. I nip out to have me bits waxed, nails done, botox jabs and a dress fitting,only to come back and discover you two in a shaded corner discussing my demise, traitors.... WELL, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.....GUARDS,GUARDS, Where the feck is a guard when you need one...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

hahaha seems as if I have to get a new teacher for humour lessons now ;) :p

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I agree with Barley girl-totally about this one!

[Tony Jordan]

Thank you Josie. A big fat wad would be handy at this time of year. lol
:)

[andrew mitchell]

A thing is but a thing Tony lol hence the horror movie The Thing! could have been worse you know the thingy-me-bob is out there! A clever comical write Tony up there with my things! :)

[Tony Jordan]

The 'thingy-me-bob' - trust you Aussies to make it all convoluted. The wallaroo-la-thingy-me-bob it'll be next...*wink*
Thanks mate.
:)

[Vaporvision]

Haha, I knew it would've been a twist ending... Beautiful. Some of the punctuation was odd in places, but an entertaining story despite that.

[Tony Jordan]

This followed my watching a slew of The Two Ronnies sketches. Ron Barker is a comedy and word genius.
A hero of mines.
Thank you very much P. E.
:)

[ern]

It took me until the third stanza. I feel like this one isn't written as well as your others. Your writing is so funny though (so is the story behind your profile picture).

[Tony Jordan]

I find myself laughing at things but when I explain them nobody else gets the joke so it was unusual to be able to get something like this down and 'followable' (is that a word?? lol).
Yes my onion slice is my mascot now.
I see it everytime I open the freezer door (which is quite often lol) and it brings a smile.
Thank you very much Nicki. I appreciate your words. :))