Dear Diary........2-28-05.............Thin

I remember!!

The first time I wanted to be thinner!!

The inner need and desire to be free and entire.

I was 12 years old

I felt lost and out of control.

Unable to shift my weight and escape from the new  and the old.

The helpless rhetoric of a new found perfection

A new inspiring direction

Where a prefect mind and body collide!!!

And where ana and mia arrive!!  in my life!!!

At a time where my world

started to whirl and twirl around and round

and my head was dispersed into a hazy cloud

enshrouded by worries doubt and purpose.

In a word or too I really needed this.

Now dont dismiss my new bond

because you think its sick and wrong.

There is a good reason and answer to why

I chose to not eat and instead I try

to meet a great social expectation

on this journey of self perfection.

Ana was first in this aim

and taught me self control .

She said that I was fat and needed to not eat

if I was to meet my true form.

So I ate no breakfast and no lunch and diiner I was able to munch

on an apple or toast but that was it at the most.

She said dont lose your head just think

"Dont eat and if you feel the urge just purge..

And then Mia came around

when i felt down and ate too much

and needed relief  by finally having a bite to eat.

The ride was hard and rough

the toil was cumbersome and tough.

I sat and watched while other people ate and talked

while i didnt and wanted to but then anan and mia would talk.

Dont do it stay focused and real and thats when i adopted my life moto.

 

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"!!!!

 

 

Tracy Bree