Leave of senses

The elusive chemistry there is no words for, it is just there.

It was not the silk of her olive skin
  That had him penned in
It was not the satin curls framing her face
  That quickened his hearts pace
It was not her deeply wondrous eyes
  That gave him butterflies
It was not her sweet rose bud lips
  That made him yearn to kiss
It was not her curvacious figure
  That got him all a jitter

For it was an elusive eccentric beauty from deep within
  That had sent him into this uncontrollable spin

It was not his handsome face
  She fell for caught in his space
It was not his beautiful brown eyes
  That left her lost for words staring at the sky
It was not his masculine smell
  Making her wish he would tell
It was not his chiseled muscles rippling arms
 That prevented her from remaining calm
It was not his enchanting voice
  That left her with no choice

For it was an elusive eccentric beauty from deep within
  That had sent her into this uncontrollable spin

He took a deep breath and held her hands
  She could no longer manage to stand
He scooped her up within his arms
  She swooned right there and then
He laid her down and lay at her side
 She looked up at him with eyes so wide
Her shaking eased and his restlessness ceased
  They found comfort in each others peace
He stroked her curls and kissed her face
  There they remained in lovers embrace

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Very nice. I like the symmetry of it- his view then hers. It's very true that love is not triggered by conventional beauty but by something indefinable. I thought your choice of words is great apart from the description of his arms. It just felt a bit too clumsy to me.
But very well done
regards
Alan

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thanks for stopping by!
The arms, I messed with too much...I should really leave things alone!!

[Translated from Birdson..]

I know this is not a new piece, but it's my favourite of yours.

I like the anonymity of the characters, and yet how well you seem to know them.
And you express really well all the things that a relationship isn't, which is something I try to address in my own work.

I can't do structure like this either, so I'm always impressed when others can and still get the expression across

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thanks M! When we live in a world full of instantly available information, this is one aspect which is so easily lost and yet the most important.

Structure takes time to grasp, I always begin with one line, and them work from there.

[A. Amos]

The whole journey of read was mesmerizing however, above last lines you nailed it my friend...100/100
Simply amazing

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thank you for your praise indeed!

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

I really enjoyed the progression to the final stanza... the tenderness of love slammed down like a hammer.

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thank you for stopping by and reviewing this piece!

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

It's always a pleasure.

[Laughing-Bear]

My Dear Writing Friend From Across The Pond,
As I read this muse before my fire, I find I still feel a gravitational force that once rocked my world. Whether most have experienced this I know not, but it reminds me of my past.
I remember sitting at a desk feeling a strange pull, I turned just in time to see a stranger turn her head as we locked eyes. It was as if an electric current was being fed between us. Over the next several weeks we would run into each other in places we had no way of knowing the other would be at. I could feel her coming as she could feel me.
One day she walked up to me and stated, who are you and why can I feel you before I see you, I replied, might I ask you the same? I suggested she come for dinner, she did, and it was as if all the electricity of Grand Coulee Dam produces daily hit us in a millisecond. Sparks did fly, and over the next several years we enjoyed a relationship unequaled in perception. If she had not insisted I get rid of my dog team we likely would have become life partners. To this day she knows when I go back to homestead, she just shows up. We still feel the other. But I’ve told her there is no future, as I’ll not get rid of my dogs, they’re my family!
So you taping into this kind of energy with this write would suggest to me you’ve experienced the same, for how else could you so vividly put into words such a force between two pneuma’s, a electrifying gravitational force that every once in a while turns our worlds upside down?
Well written, you most intense tapestry I’ve read up to this point. You gave me goose bumps my friend!

Blessings, Your BillBear

[TrimarcoRansome]

Dear BillBear,
I knew you would understand this write, it takes a taste of the phenomenon to fully feel it. That elusive eccentric connection that just blows your mind. I think it would be a sad life without it yet plenty of people go through life without feeling it, I question whether anything else but this would work once you have experienced it, I think you always seek it thereafter.
Helen

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ps

love the way you use near rhyme in this piece...

very cool.

[TrimarcoRansome]

I don't like to conform at the best of times, I like to find something a little different in things I do.
Thank you for your lovely reviews, Jacob.
Helen

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there is something about holding hands, about the kiss on the face that means so much more when the love really comes from within...all the other physical stuff is just that, when the attraction is only skin deep...

nicely done.

[TrimarcoRansome]

It is and seems rarer these days, for some reason maybe I'm just getting older! Haha

[MikeV]

I absolutely loved this! The picture was beautiful but the
picture you painted in my mind was far more wonderful!

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thanks, Mike! Glad it did that for you.

[smilempsn]

That was very soft and well flowed piece.. I loved how you stated both sides verses, and yet managed to keep different way of there expressing emotions..

Inner beauty is something a person doesn't see or feel at "first sight" , for that too realize we need to give other person some time..... :)

I liked it.. ^-^

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thank you, I am pleased you enjoyed the read.

[Joe Palmer]

Really love this, has great flow and the little break lines in between the stanzas really makes it for me. I don't really write romantic, passionate poems, but if I did, I'd like them to be as good as this!

[TrimarcoRansome]

Thank you, Joe. Glad you you liked it!