Mine

All alone, standing here,

Staring into the mirr',

Grasping hands of cold fear,

And then losing a tear...

 

You must only obey,

Let the fire burn away,

Any thoughts of dismay,

In their leaving, you stay.

Author's Note

Any help would be great, The first stanza some say is choppy, though I meant for it to be somewhat so to make the point please give suggestions.

Reviews

[vampireprincess]

Your awesome i love your work keep writing plz

[Mistaken]

The flow is really good in this line. I do agree with Scott on tweaking the fourth line to shedding a tear. Though this is short the emotion in it is exceptional. Great writing please do more;)

[Scott Free]

Sorry this one took me so long to get to.
I like the flow of this one, and I like the short and sweetness of it. :D However, I think the one rhyme 'mirr' should be changed, it's pretty weird. One rhyme that comes to mind is seer.
Also, in the fourth line perhaps instead of 'losing a tear' 'shedding a tear' would be better, because losing a tear is a hard thing to picture (for me).
But I like this, still.

Scott

[KisuKimmi]

Its pretty good

[Dallisa <3]

great write. the flow is good but my only suggestion would be making mirror rhyme with the other lines in the first stanza good job :)

[Aekmy]

Great job. I can find no errors in this poem. (:

-Mary

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

I rolled my eyes at the picture, but the poem was good.
But are you sure mirror rhymes with here fear, and tear? that was the only qualm I had about it.
Good job! Keep writing.
--Andrew

[Jenny Ge]

I love this! Although it is a little short, it's amazingly interesting. Sometimes, less is more. I rarely read poems, long or short, that have lines that speak for themselves.
Well written, and great job!