Your murder :The cliff

 

You are walking close to the edge.

You look down the side of canyon and see miles and miles downward.

You stop and step a little closer to the edge. 

Rocks tumble down as you loose your balance, but you keep yourself up. 

You see miles and miles of open fields and pastures. 

You only wish you were down there yourself. 

 

A sound of a car comes towards you. 

You don't pay attention knowing it's a tour bus. 

You wait for the car to pass, but it stops just in back of you. 

Turning around you see not a tour bus, bus an old pickup truck. 

A man comes out of the truck and walks towards you. 

 

Suddenly your heart leaps. 

He looks like a nice man, but something about him keeps you on your toes. 

He is an old man with a mangled mess of white hair on his head. 

You take a step back as he comes closer, but you realize you couldn't and start to slide of the edge.

There's one of your legs still hanging over the edge. 

The man laughs and mocks you. 

 

The man steps on your foot which makes your whole body slide. 

You are only hanging on by a root on the ground tucked inside your hand. 

The man pulls  out a knife and shows you the brilliant sparkle of it against the sun. 

He shows a sly grin then starts cutting the root.

You scream with plea that he not cut the root, but he k nows you cannot fight him.

Soon the man cuts through the root, but holds it so you don't fall.

"I keep telling you people not to stand near the edge." He says with a sigh then letting go of the root.  

 

You fall. 

 

Reviews

[Laura E. Aranda]

Wow. It was really intense. Kind of abstract and brief but it was good. I like the way he began to talk as it ended! Cheers, lea

[Kit]

ok that gave me chills.... a bit disturbing yet i couldnt stop reading it! very imaginative yet you make it so real, thats real talent. My only sugesstion (sorry, im a writer but i can't spell) would be to add some of the victim's feelings. you know, that heart pumping, throat clenching, terror, it would make the reader feel more like the character. yet, maybe there's a reason for lack of emotion... you never can tell. a great read!

[Deborah Shepard]

creative write wow you can see the fall

[J. Hampton]

A bit like a scribed nightmare

disturbing...thus effective
this definitly has the feel of a one-on-one account of a recent dream
outside of a few grammatical things ...a refreshing find !

Blesssssssss

[Chelsea]

I like it. I could see it all.
:]

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Creative write. I like the story content very much. It is engorssing the story reads well with a few typos that can easily be corrected.

Though very well written may I suggest that you give more into expressing the terror your character is feeling it will only enhance your already talented work.

[Mintwhiskers]

this is book worm. wow i hurt all over now. that fall must have killed me. SUSPENCEFULL

[Chaos]

This is a great story. However, the grammatical errors are a bit rough. I think you could use more descriptive words to discribe the vastness of what the character was seeing. Overall, I thought it was an excellent start and I can't wait to see what you do with it.

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

A Classic tale with a dark edge. Some grammatical problems, which I am sure you are aware of, but the tale is really very entertaining. Well done.

[Mintwhiskers]

I thought u couldn't write poetry this was a great poem with a great smile and a lot of suspense