Goodbye, Love

Goodbye, Love

A Poem by Original Stories

We had such fun together,

Being together and laughing.

We were always together,

And I was going to propose.

But then you left me,

Without a warning.

Your lifeless body,

Staring at me.

I watched them bury you,

I made sure that they were gentle,

That they took care of you.

I need you,

Yet you left me.

You never let me say goodbye,

Never gave me a chance.

We fought the other night,

Then you turned up dead.

Now I fight with myself,

Wishing I apologized.

Knowing that I could have stopped you,

Knowing I could have kept you.

Kept you close,

Kept you dear.

Now I just want to hold you close,

One last time.

© 2017 Original Stories



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Reviews

Good point: The parallelism between "we fought the other night" and "now I fight with myself" goes well with your currently simple style; the irony stands out.

Not-so-good point: "One last time" sounds overused, for one, and also redundant. We already know there won't be a next time. Don't come close to talking about next time, focus on the loss.

Posted 4 Weeks Ago



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Added on February 24, 2017
Last Updated on February 24, 2017
Tags: goodbye, death, love, lost love, need

Author

Original Stories
Original Stories

Roanoke, VA



About
I am a young writer and still am in grade school. I am in need of some feedback from people who aren't biased because they know me. Most of my stuff is crap but I like to write and have other people r.. more..

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