Goodbye, Love

Goodbye, Love

A Poem by Original Stories

We had such fun together,

Being together and laughing.

We were always together,

And I was going to propose.

But then you left me,

Without a warning.

Your lifeless body,

Staring at me.

I watched them bury you,

I made sure that they were gentle,

That they took care of you.

I need you,

Yet you left me.

You never let me say goodbye,

Never gave me a chance.

We fought the other night,

Then you turned up dead.

Now I fight with myself,

Wishing I apologized.

Knowing that I could have stopped you,

Knowing I could have kept you.

Kept you close,

Kept you dear.

Now I just want to hold you close,

One last time.

© 2017 Original Stories



My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Good point: The parallelism between "we fought the other night" and "now I fight with myself" goes well with your currently simple style; the irony stands out.

Not-so-good point: "One last time" sounds overused, for one, and also redundant. We already know there won't be a next time. Don't come close to talking about next time, focus on the loss.

Posted 11 Months Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

141 Views
1 Review
Rating
Added on February 24, 2017
Last Updated on February 24, 2017
Tags: goodbye, death, love, lost love, need

Author

Original Stories
Original Stories

Roanoke, VA



About
I am a young writer and still am in grade school. I am in need of some feedback from people who aren't biased because they know me. Most of my stuff is crap but I like to write and have other people r.. more..

Writing
Grey Grey

A Story by Original Stories


Love Love

A Story by Original Stories





Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5