Ramblings That You Will Find Childish

 It appears there are always two extremes to everything,

taken simultaneously,
yet rejected as well.

For example,
when a person wishes to be left alone,
what they are really saying is,
“For God’s sake, can’t you see how alone I am?  I know I am selfish, flawed, and imperfect,
and I don’t want you to notice,
I don’t want you to care,
because if you care,
the focus returns to me.

I don’t want the focus to be on me…

So stay away…

I beg you stay away.
I care about you,
and I know I hardly ever express it,
but I do.

I care so much.

Excuse my language.
Excuse how I am.
I know you don’t understand.
I don’t understand either.
Yet I continue to tell you that I do understand.
I tell myself that too,
every day.
I pretend that I do,
because I want to seem like I am at least good at understanding myself.

I ask you to stay away,
and surprisingly, yet not so, you do.
And yet, as soon as you leave, I begin to lurch into panic.

Who am I?

Oh my God what did I just do?

Come back!
Come here!
please!

Please, oh please come back,
I beg you…

And you return, and I smile.

And once again, I get what I want.
Sickening.”

One of life’s many paradoxes.