Stream

So the stream trickles on
Flowing softly against the rough ridges of despair
Laughter nothing more than a whisper of a breeze too quiet and simple to even cause a ripple
So the stream trickles on
Lost on its only path
The depth holds emotions hostage - Forgotten pebbles on the floor
Their screams for acknowledgement bursting bubbles never reaching the surface
So the stream trickles on
Twigs fall heavy, the water feeds the flowers and moss on shore
So the stream trickles on
Delicate fingers dip into the stream scooping pebbles by the handful- a breath sings sweet nothings to the weightless stream
So the stream trickles on
Slowly until it’s settled, peacefully joining the lake- easy and smooth
The stream no longer needs to trickle on

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Love the wordplay - but - if you don't mind me making a suggestion; I believe the piece would be more dramatic and punchy revamped as follows: (hope this works for you) :-)

So the stream trickles on

Flowing softly
Against the rough ridges of despair
Laughter nothing more
Than a whisper of a breeze
Too quiet and simple
To even cause a ripple

So the stream trickles on

Lost
On its only path
The depth holds emotions hostage
Forgotten pebbles on the floor
Their screams for acknowledgement
Bursting bubbles
Never reaching the surface

So the stream trickles on

Twigs fall heavy
The water feeds the flowers
And the moss on shore

So the stream trickles on

Delicate fingers dip into the stream
Scooping pebbles by the handful
A breath sings sweet nothings
To the weightless stream

So the stream trickles on

Slowly until it’s settled
Peacefully joining the lake
Easy and smooth
the stream

No longer needs to trickle on

[VeronikaRKL]

Thank you, I might just change it... suggestions are always welcome and appreciated!