I said yes to stay close to him.

I wanted to be around him so much i choose to start using so i could keep his hours.

When he told me he didn't want me over if i was going to sleep, I chose to start smoking meth to stay up and be around him. His mind was beautiful, the pain in his eyes and the knowledge about suffering and the real wold made me crave his company even though he only thought about himself his numbness to others emotions was a coping mechanism he had crated just to go on. I gave him everything i could my love my hopes my prayers my time my anything trying to show him someone could love the monster in him. He fucked tricks constantly. He kicked me out to let young guys over baiting them with meth and f*****g them never getting close just going through guys constantly. i still stayed by his side. I don't know why i wanted him to love me so much i destroyed my life slowly giving every piece of myself to him as he just took and never gave me anything other than a 60 when i only paid for a 20. Eight months of my life i was there for him, checked in on him, bought him gifts, told him i was thinking about him, offering to do his housework chores errands anything acting like a maid as he had other men in and out constantly, the sex was great but he expected me to put out without hesitation. I learned about true heartache, i learned about life and how people could take take take and leave you empty but still give more if asked.