Primal

A world is torn asunder as a monster attempts to kill a god.

Primal

 

Yalisura is a world all its own. Its jungles are ancient and deep, whose secrets are as deadly as its serpents. Its deserts go on for miles. The sands leech moisture from anything that touches it, turning it quickly to sand as well. The plains roll for what seems forever, creating herds of enormous creatures who feed from the thick, tall grass. It is from these beasts that the draken feed. Draken are dragon-like creatures without the size or power to compete with their larger, purer counterparts. The kingdoms are immense and span entire continents with warlords of great strength. Each of the five kingdoms is unique. While some have adopted science and technology, cutting themselves off from the world others have devoted themselves to faith in a long lost art. Magic.

Magic was myth. That is it was myth until a leyline woke. The leyline waking is the first sign of the return of the Primal. The Primal is the creator of all things. A being of pure magical energy who lives a normal life once every ten thousand years and as its mortal shell ages magic begins to return to the world after deteriorating for ten thousand years to almost nothing. Only there are some who think they can betray the Primal and take its power into themselves, becoming more powerful than the Primal.

The rain hammered down on the ruins, the clouds swirled above with a mixture of magic, electricity and water that seemed to tear at the very boundaries of reality. The water rolled off his broken body, the chains holding him tightly to the large stone monument. The boy had followed this far to save his childhood friend, the woman whose purity was uncontested. He refused to watch this powerful creature steal her and defile her spirit. Had he not been chained here there might be something that he could do. With the screams of torn muscles and broken bones forcing guttural noises from deep within him he made his way to his knees, looking from swollen eyes as the abomination approached his friend. It stood tall, two times the height of any man. Its legs and arms moved unnaturally, cracking and bending in ways that made you question your sanity. The beast had bones jutting out at its joints that ended in sharp points and edges. Its matted fur glistened with the rain and the power of the sacrifice made him seem larger, stronger. It loomed over her as she cowered, its long snout pushing hot, rancid air into her face. She too was chained not far from the boy on another, taller pyramid. The dark gown she wore clung tightly to her unscathed body. Her indomitable spirit refused to be broken and she stood tall, staring down the creature with bold pride and courage.

            The boy wanted to give up and to weep when the creature’s claws tore into her flesh. Her stomach spilled open, gushing its contents onto the stone monument as energy crackled its agreement around them all. She looked down, desperately trying to hold in what spilled out over her hands. Her scream tore through the night and leapt to all that could hear. Her eyes met the boy’s gaze and tears fell, hope lost. Lightning crashed and fire came from below. An army of twisted, grotesque creatures crawled from the earth and began up the monument. Terrors found in the nightmares of all living things pulled their way up toward the boy as magic seeped into the large, looming horror that now stood over his only friend’s broken body. Pulling his hope for a painless death from his belt he looked down at it. The dull stone blade seemed so pitiful and demeaning but as he thrust it into his belly he couldn’t help but smile at the now distraught beast. Beneath a mop of long, wet brown hair, black eyes stared up at the beast that had torn everything he held dear from him.

 Behind the dark demon a burst of light erupted. The brightness of its rays penetrated every shadow, its light destroying the dark creatures that crept up the monument. The boy’s eyes slid shut and he fell forward to the ground. The sacrifice stood gleaming, the rain stopped falling and all stood in utter silence. The once dark gown she wore was clean, white and radiant. Innocence restored, she once again stared down the beast. As the embodiment of absolute good in this world the beast knew she could not harm him. She must forgive his transgressions. He cackled wildly, the power he had stolen still his even if it wasn’t all that he had desired. Long, shining, beautiful auburn strands framed her face which curled into an impish smile and she looked past the creature to her fallen friend and then back to the beast. Her voice was that of singing beauty, “You know who I am. I am the first. I am the creator, a Primal. Nothing existed before me and I will live beyond any other being. I live a mortal lifetime once every ten thousand years so that I might understand my people. I am good in all things and all ways. I cannot move from this..”

The dark creature stood to its full height and claws clicked free, extending from his fingertips. It opened wide its jaws and took a step toward her. She looked up at the creature with that same bold, impish smile as it bent down, bringing its hideous mouth closer to her flesh, only inches away. “Ah, but there is one piece of the story that is lost to time,” she shook her head and the demon growled a deep, rumbling growl of confusion. “I am not alone. I never have been. I never come to this world alone. I am a Primal. Not The Primal. As I am the creator, there must be a destroyer, my husband, my love. And you my dear, poor creature, you are not him,” she nodded her head and the creature turned in the direction she looked.

The boy stirred. Bones cracked and flesh mended. The pain increased and wracked his body. Strength filled him, hate stirred within so deeply he couldn’t fathom its limits. Pushing himself up, the chains that held him turned to ash and fell to the ground around him. The beast roared its defiance and leapt from the taller pyramid toward the boy whose mind filled his spirit with the knowledge of who and what he was. In an instant he felt his original form changing him. He grew larger, his frame broadening and his long, brown hair lengthening. A strong hand reached out, anticipating the beast’s approach. With a snap and a crack that rattled the world beneath him he threw the creature to the ground and placed a foot on its neck. With a voice like you might expect death to speak he shared in his lover’s joy and spoke, “You have played with my forces long enough, beast.” True demons came from below, the fires once again leaping from the earth. This time the screams and the horrific dismay came from the beast himself. The Primal’s foot lifted long enough for the nightmarish creatures to pull the beast down into the hell that awaited him. The darkness left the boy and he turned to the larger monument, his eyes meeting his friend’s again as they were before he was broken. “Let’s go home.”

 

 

Reviews

[fwvalidus]

Very well written, the description and words you choose create a vivid picture in my mind of the confrontation that you have created. The 5th paragraph is my faavourite, especially when you speak of light penetrating every shadow. Very powerful line in my mind illustrating that the good conquers evil wholly. There are a few sentences that seem to drag on that I think are forced such as: "The rain hammered down on the ruins, the clouds swirled above with a mixture of magic, electricity and water that seemed to tear at the very boundaries of reality".

I also believe this story does not require the excess descriptions of the world within the first two paragraphs. It doesn't seem to fit in my mind. I understand that it may be important to you and the world and stories you have created from the idea of the Primals, but I believe the story alone stands strong enough and is only weakened by the addition of irrelevance to launch things off.

This really is a great story though. I merely challenge you to introduce the Primals quicker and smoother. Good job altogether, I hope you stop by and read some of my stories/chapters.

[TL Boehm]

An interesting write. Visual and you have created a wonderful atmosphere with color and sound and weather here. I am curious to see if you put this in part of a larger collection. It definitely reads like a stand alone myth but could be incorporated into something lengthier.

[Vilkata444]

This story was actually the reason why I started writing the book Yalisura. The Primals were an idea I had of how this fantasy universe came into being and as I thought more about the Primals, who they were, where they might come from etc I decided their world needed more. Thank you for your kind words. ;)