Open Letter to a Prospective Mother In Law

Open Letter to a Prospective Mother In Law

A Story by Evangeline

I'm going on a tangent with the open letters


Dear Mrs. Carper,

There are several acknowledgments I feel that need to be made immediately: You and I are barely acquainted, therefore I owe you no explanations; Your son is two months shy of the age of twenty three; We are both Christians.

When we first met, you and your husband were making your way through Laramie and I happened to be there. I had a five minute notice of this, and I felt that it went decently for a half hour meeting. I could see how Clay came from you both. He has your cheekbones and his father’s nose. At that point, however, I already knew you had a dislike of me. I understand, because Clay hasn’t exactly had a great rapport with who he’s brought home in the past. I am not K******.

I understand that when I came to visit for Thanksgiving, I was not welcome entirely because the holidays are for family time, and I am not family. I am a stranger, and a foreign being who joked too morbidly with my mother over a voicemail while in your home. You probably did not have sufficient time to prepare for an unexpected guest. I could not eat properly because not only did I have a stomach bug from my baby brother, I was also terrified knowing that you were not entirely comfortable with me in your home. I apologize that I did not thoroughly think this through and failed to speak up and stay with my own family for the holiday. My intrusion was uncalled for and in poor taste.

Clay is somebody to be proud of. He is generous, thoughtful, considerate and the kindest soul I have ever encountered. You raised him well, and I admire the man he is. He has told me stories that go above and beyond what a human is expected to exemplify in compassion and understanding. His accomplishments in high school with Key Club touched countless lives within your community and around the world, even. So much of his time was devoted to community service. He worked to give himself the opportunity to travel to Chicago and broaden his horizons and experiences while playing an instrument. He graduated from college with honors from Phi Betta Kappa. He can make robots that could pass you the butter at the dinner table if he ever encountered the materials to do so. Clay has pushed himself harder than most students to complete a Bachelor’s degree almost from scratch in two years, with dreams to become a PhD in mathematics. He has to discover a novel idea or solve a math problem that nobody else in the world has ever solved to accomplish that feat. He is striving to change the world. Clay has never once stated that this goal is for money, or fame. He said that he wanted to use the money to build a home for himself, and use some to aid your life. He wanted to build you a kitchen that any woman would envy and adore. He has done so much and is set to do more before the age of thirty, yet the only person I have ever heard him mention to have acknowledged that he is truly a good person who will go places is Grandma Alice.

Your son’s faith may have strayed from one religion. He may have decided to be his own person, as an adult, with some implications for your faith and Forever Family. He jokes that he will be launched into Mormon Hell. He has panic attacks when he thinks about it. Despite everything, all the good and love he has spread to his fellow man, he has been convinced that he is not a good person. He is an independent adult who could be a Nobel Peace Prize Laureate in thirty years and does nothing but give his time to help those who struggle, and he feels he is missing a family. I cannot wrap my head around why, nor is it any of my business. I see first hand that he is in pain because of this, though. I hold his hand and reassure him that he makes a difference in so many people’s lives. I am Catholic, and he leads a better life than so many Christians I know. He is exemplary and a role model. There is nothing wrong with him.

Clay told me that he wants nothing more than to be accepted by his living family. He wants desperately to be welcome in his home, to be told that you are proud of him and the man he has become completely independent of the hate he has faced for a lifestyle that is not completely supervised by a church or you. He has nothing else to offer but his accomplishments and yearning for a family. It takes more than one person to decide what’s fair, and I sincerely hope that you two can come to an understanding one day and truly appreciate one another. Everybody deserves to have a relationship with their mothers, and it is heartbreaking to witness that he does not.

That being said, I personally feel that there is a line that should not be crossed with a child, no matter how old they are. If you have an issue with the way he lives, you can speak to him about it. If you have an issue with how I live, you can speak to me about it. But you should not tell Clay what you think of me with passive comments that do nothing but torment him. I am the sole reason you create any kind of grief in his life right now, and I should be the one who receives the abuses. I have offended you, insulted you in some way, and I have no understanding of what specific events have done this. Clay is a beautiful human being, and does not deserve to be subjected to any hate you reserve for me. I live in the lifestyle of understanding other’s suffering, pain, emotions, etc. that cause seemingly blind hate. I forgive you for it, and I want to understand why you have harbored such a sour feeling in your mouth for the thought of me. As an adult, I would like to demonstrate the maturity to know that I have wronged you, and would like to know the specific reason so I can apologize to you.

Please reach out to Clay. Please, as a loving person with good intentions in your heart, allow Clay to feel accepted in his own home and loved by his mother.

© 2017 Evangeline

Author's Note

I'm going on a tangent of open letters because I know if I ever sent this, it would be ill received or unread.

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Added on January 23, 2017
Last Updated on January 23, 2017
Tags: mother, family, love, community, hate, jealousy, danger, attachment, son, acceptance, fear, politics, faith, mormon, catholic, redemption, pleading, abuse



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