The Fall

The Fall

Hey there, pretty face!

I know there have been a lot of things to say

You might think I'm crazy or insane

For who would even try this hard?

Well, there are fools and then there are romantic fools

I just so happen to belong to the second sort

Hopeless, not really hopeless

You are my bright, inner mind

You knock sense into me when it's needed

Like how someone knocks an arrow in a bow

It's just that the arrow does not leave, and you too will not

They say people fall into tricks and traps like love and all

Little do they know, 'twas that year's fall

That I couldn't help but fall for you

Not the little tricks and traps people talk about

But for your grace, wit, charm and soul

So, let me ask you- "Will you stay?"

If you don't, well there's nothing I can say

But let me get this straight,

I'm there for you whenever you need me

I won't leave you for any reason

Be it hot or cold, sick or health

For that matter, any season

I'll be there for you 

Times might change, just like the wind

The feelings might seem subtle

Deep and ripe, they will become with time

The last leaf might fall, but my love will not

For, let me make this clear

This is not an option, it is the only truth

I'll be there no matter what you choose

You're the one thing I'd never want to lose

Author's Note

This is the first time I'm writing a poem without rhyme. I'd really want to know your thoughts on this piece. Thanks in advance.

Reviews

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Eh lil' slice of affection tipped with some metaphors. Oh sorry that was a summary not a critique let me try again. There's nothing that really stands out or uplifting nor that emotional. Now a part that I could be a bit of an arse for is: Like how someone knocks an arrow in a bow It's just that the arrow does not leave, and you too will not. Following things are mostly nitpicks but whatevs. First is the comparison you made, a nice comparison mind, that is followed by a pretty needless line in which you are basically saying: it's like that thing except for this and this, which kinda ruins the impact of the comparison. Now the other thing about it is that you say that she won't leave but in few other occasions you ask her whether she'll leave. No I don't have anything better to do than write overlong comments on other peoples' works. Now that I've said everything negative I could think of about this poem let me say that it's ok and did have feelings spread trough it though with a bit stronger metaphors,comparisons and a bit more rhyming,as somebody below recommended, it could go from ok to good or pretty good and make those feelings leave a bigger impact on us . Oh and don't take these reviews of mine too hard they are meant to be extremely negative so that the person could improve their writing as much as possible after each poem/story rather than to offend that person or make them feel bad.

[Sage]

Thanks for taking the time and effort to go through it. The not leaving and asking not to leave were two complete situations and contexts. I could have made it rhyme a bit more, but this is the first and only (as of now) verse that I wrote without rhyme. Thanks again for reading! I'll try to improve on the other aspects.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

I hope you will and I'll check your other poems as well.

[Ellen Kolman]

I love it...it is deep and heartfelt...I prefer poems without rhymes...this is an excellent write; I can feel your love and longing for the object of the poem...keep it up

[Sage]

Thank you. The best compliment a poet can get is the fact that his verse is able to move the hearts of others and convey their expressions wholly. I appreciate your words.

[Ellen Kolman]

My pleasure

[Tom27]

A simple yet expressive poem, fine in its basic form and yet playful and undemanding.

[Sage]

Yes, it is. I purposefully used simple words so as to lighten the general mood of the poem and make sure that even then the essence of the poem is not lost. Thanks.

[Aswin R Prasad]

No rhymes.? ;) But still flows! :) Great one :)

"I'll be there no matter what you choose
You're the one thing I'd never want to lose"
Choose and lose do rhyme :D

Great poem ! Everybody needs to step out of their comfort zone once in a while and i'm sure that we'll find something new :)
Keep writing! :)

[Sage]

Well, when I told there was no rhyme, I meant it for the verse as a whole. Yes, I agree we all have to step out of our comfort zone once in a while. This is a new and fun experience. I'm happy you liked it! :)

[Aswin R Prasad]

Yeah.. I sure did! :)

[Elle Alley]

This is a really good poem! I did enjoy the reading and I expect you to keep writing things like that. I love the darkness but I like the simple and beautiful things too.

[Sage]

Thank you. Even though you like darkness, I'm glad you have a taste for good things too. Helps keep balance!