Chapter 1 .:Experiment:.A Chapter by Wyatt Rose Hack
The first chapter/prologue of Alpha's Puzzle.
Identity: Avia Niel
Date: September 5th, 2009
I could tell the first time I looked at her. It was the first night of her life, but it felt like something was ending in mine. I tilted my head back and gazed at the white ceiling of the hospital room. Everything in the room was so white but it like I was looking through dark lenses. I gripped to the cold railing of the stiff metal bed and closed my eyes. I was trying to forget myself. Maybe I would just wake up and it would be different. This is a delirium, I tried to tell myself.
And then Saga made a soft whimpering sound, like a hurt animal, calling my attention to her. I opened my eyes to the ceiling. I didn't want to look at her. It hurt to look at her. I already loved her too much.
She moved and whimpered tenderly until I couldn't take it anymore. I took her in my arms and cradled her closely to my chest, bringing her tiny body up to mine. She was quelled into silence at once. I leaned back and looked down at her.
Her eyes were open. I pressed my forehead to hers, this minuscule little creature. Saga True.
She didn't look at me at all. Her wide blue eyes looked foggy, aimlessly searching around as she deeply blinked, turning her head. I touched her dark hair, soft and downy like a baby bird, and kissed her forehead.
I lingered close, absorbing the smell of her, before I drew back and started to look at her. I couldn't help but keep examining her. The more I studied her, the more hopeless and superficial and dismal I felt, but I couldn't stop. I looked into her big, helpless eyes and the situation became more and more clear to me.
I remember vividly looking down at her and thinking, what on earth is this twisted experiment that we have become a part of?
It was me, it was my choice; not my idea, but certainly my choice to involve both of us. But it was her who got the damage. It was her. I was only a catalyst.
I kept looking at her and I could feel that it was wrong. I could feel it. I felt it sting the first time I saw her. There was just something about her. So undoubtedly...inhuman. Her eyes were too glassy, the joints in her fingers irregular, her legs too long, the skin on her palms unusually thick. She didn't cry exactly right. It was more like a whimper, a yowl. The list can go on and on, building blocks in my head. My daughter is an hour old and already I am counting her failures. Oh, but it wasn't her. It was me. She moved her limbs in a scratching motion and one of her hands caught my finger. She closed and opened it, her digits unsure how to grasp. Instead I held her little hand in mine.
I love you.
I keep finding these signs of her immorality and put them on the list in my head, but I had already decided that I loved her. It wasn’t a decision. You know that. That’s how love works.
I looked up from her when the door opened. Jonathen came into the room and walked over to the metal bed, barely giving me a glance. I blinked at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He held his arms behind his back and gazed intently down at her. The way he looked at her was not that of a father to a daughter; his gaze was curious and professional, studious. She must have been barely his daughter, after all. She was spliced so many times I don't know if there is any of him left in her.
I tried to catch his eyes but he kept on studying her, observing her as the experiment she is.
It was difficult to decode his expression. Possibly optimistic but I suspect he had already picked up that there was something not quite right with her. I felt a sudden sting as the thought came to me that he might not even care. She was a test to him, a successful test in his mind. She is maybe just a first step.
I bowed my head down to Saga again, my face lightly brushing her feathery soft cap of hair. I closed my eyes. She felt so perfect when I couldn't see her. I wondered, could I care for her like this? Could I ignore everything about her? I couldn't believe what had happened to her. Before I even met her at all.
But I know it was my decision.
© 2012 Wyatt Rose Hack
Wyatt Rose Hack
AboutI'm a Portlander who goes to a democratic school and loves words and anything science related. Among my favorite authors are Barbara Kingsolver, Ron Currie Jr., Jonathan Safran Foer, Nancy Huston, Jef.. more..