There she stands...

Well, it's one of my more recent works. Everyone who has read it has only given good feedback, so I guess it's a good one. I like it for the most part, I just hate the ending....

There she stands, all alone
A little girl without a home
Her eyes are wet, the tears are fresh
Her clothes are torn as is her flesh
She searches for love, but none is found
She tries to yell, but makes no sound
Her body is sore, her muscles aching
She's only five and her heart is breaking
She feels so weak, but still she stands
She wipes her eyes with dirty hands
The tears keep falling, though she knows not why
She cannot stop them, she has to cry
Trapped in this darkness, she sees no way out
She tries once more, but fails to shout
Then a glimmer of hope in her time of need
A figure appears, and at once she is freed
She looks up at her hero, stares into his face
Who would've thought she could escape this place?
There she stands, no longer alone
A little girl who has found her home.

 

©SRM '08

Author's Note

The last line was originally "This little girl has found her home," but I changed it at the last minute. If you think that the line should be changed back, feel free to say so.

And don't be afraid to speak up if you think it sucks. I love to hear everyone's thoughts on my work, even if they hate it.

Reviews

[~crazy Beautiful~]

very visual poetry with deep meaning, nice work
thank you for entering my contest.

[Jaffa Forbes]

Personally, I would change the last line back. 'This little girl has found her home' seems to flow better with the rest of the poem, whereas I find myself trying hard to read the last line up there and make it fit.
Well, that's just my opinion.
good content, it is a very good poem with a lovely meaning.
jaff