Love is a girl.

Just a short poem (somewhat like haiku, but not) about someone special I know. :p

Eyes as deep as the sea,

Looks, soul, and life like nature,

Love is a lively girl.

Author's Note

This is also on my account on TeenInk.com, RESILIENT_FORVER. Feel free to check me out there too if you wish. I have an older account on TeenInk.com called XCBVIA too.

Reviews

[serenae_dc]

Hi! First of all congrats for winning the contest for this. :)

I read this somewhere:

"The haiku follows several conventions:

(1) The traditional Japanese haiku consists of three lines. The first line contains five syllables, the second line contains seven, and the last line five. In Japanese, the syllables are further restricted in that each syllable must have three sound units (sound-components formed of a consonant, a vowel, and another consonant). The three unit-rule is usually ignored in English haiku, since English syllables vary in size much more than in Japanese. Furthermore, in English translation, this 5/7/5 syllable count is occasionally modified to three lines containing 6/7/6 syllables respectively, since English is not as "compact" as Japanese."

(From: http://www.haikupoemsandpoets.com/haiku_definition.aspx)

- So I think your poem is a Haiku, but an English Haiku, not a Japanese one.

PS: Please do tell me, the girl is YOU, right? :)

[Daisy]

wow such vast concept in just three lines..... Awesome thumbs up for you

[Confuser]

It is beautiful. I love it and thank you! Dale

[The StoryTeller]

No problem, I'm glad you liked it!

[Confuser]

No problem??? Anyway, I did. A lot said in a few words.

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, you said thank you, so I said no problem. And yeah, that was my point. I was just desperately trying not to do haiku. XD

[Confuser]

Oh my, I still don't know enough about it and have never tried. Sweet!

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I usually don't do short poems/prose, and I hate following rules. XD

[Confuser]

Good for you; conformity is hard; there aren't any rules in poetry!!! So write on...

[The StoryTeller]

yep no rules! besides ive decided to stop conforming to anything anyway :)

[Confuser]

.........................................]]]]Dale

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, why all of the dots?

[Confuser]

It's like when there's a fire; I run: no rules - I've decided to stop conforming to anyway anyway; I absolutely have no response; no rules: very broad; did not know what to write. Enough -thank you .........Dale

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, that makes sense. :)

[Confuser]

Have a wonderful day.......WALK THE LINE......JC...LOL

[The StoryTeller]

Walk the line or over the line??? That's the question. ;P

[Confuser]

Heck fire: Just Stomp On IT!!! Bye.

[Confuser]

I want to say something, I'm happy about for you, but I just realized you may not know: I sound ridiculous but hopefully you will soon see what I mean.

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

Louisa Aspeling is correct 5-7-5 is the rule for syllables but there are some variations in subject matters. I believe if you fit this to 5-7-5 you will have a tech savory well written haiku.....

Example

deep eyes like the sea-5
Looks, soul, and life like nature,-7
Love's a lively girl-5

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I know the syllables. :) I wasn't making it to be haiku. Thanks though.

[Jerome F Knox III pseudonym Nefarious J. Dorsey]

Just a short Haiku about someone special I know. :p "
Your words which spawned the responses about haikus.....

[The StoryTeller]

Oh, wow, I didn't even mean to do that... XD Thanks, I was thinking about haikus when I wrote this, I'll go ahead and change that.

[Louisa Aspeling]

You might want to look up the amount of syllables in a Haiku... it's 5 - 7 - 5. Good idea though :)

[The StoryTeller]

It wasn't meant to be haiku. :P But thank you anyways. :D

[Tks]

Blade, this reminded me of the haiku form, and your title is very eye-catching, to be honest.
I would daresay your poem is packed with a multitude of meanings, which can interestingly be deciphered differently according to one's mood!

[The StoryTeller]

I agree, and that was sort of the point. :) It's sort of haiku... it's 1st and 3rd liens are one syllable to long... eh, I could call it Bladean Haiku. XD

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

This is beautiful little brother!
She's so lucky, the girl you write about. And before you say it, I know what you're going to say, I know you're lucky to have her as well...

[The StoryTeller]

Yep, and lol, and thank you.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Lol. You're welcome... That was beautiful work, though.

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you. :)

[iNSOMniAC]

Whoa. I have a relevance to this. o_o
In a story - a theory, rather - that someone told me, the Earth was made by two humans... a girl and a boy.
The girl resembled love, the man resembled pride, and when the Earth couldn't hold anymore, a child was born... and he resembled happiness. (The Orginials' Story)

Beautiful piece, though! :)

[The StoryTeller]

I haven't heard that theory before, but I guess that technically (as of now) I have! :p I'm glad you liked the writing.

[ANTO]

Hi Blade i love the words and sentiment in this - I personally think haikus read and look better without Caps or commas or periods. it gives it that more Zen like look and feel.
This is class "Love is a lively girl" - really good.

I'd have written it like ;
eyes as deep as the sea

looks soul and life like nature

love is a lively girl


+ + + + + + + + + +

the amount of ambiguity in it in this format now lends itself to a multitude of interpretations

just a thought
:))

[The StoryTeller]

True! I'll think about changing it to that form. it's not much of a change, it's still my words. Glad you liked it. :) It's not my best though, by far.

[ANTO]

I look forward to more Blade - theres something about haikus that relax the soul.
Glad you took the criticism in the spirit it was meant. Have a good day !!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, yeah, I love when people give me advice. I'm working on more haiku, it's just none my main form of writing, as you might have noticed from the rest of my writing. I will have a good day, thank you. :)

[Emily]

I love this poem!
It inspires me to write a poem similar.
Keep it up!

[The StoryTeller]

:D You should write something similar. Lol, one of my first poems that I've only seen one person review the person said, "Can I use some of your lines for my own poetry? Or can I make a poem similar to yours?" I had no problem at all with that. :) So do it! Glad you liked it.