Her Pain

Written about a friend... and her habit I used to have. The girl (the second one) I talk about in Shattered is the person I'm talking about in this one.

Pain searing in her wrist,

Tears in her eyes,

Sadness in her mind.

Author's Note

It is NOT haiku. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

Brevity can work...I am thinking one or two more lines to anchor and close.



Pain searing in her wrist,
Tears in her eyes,
Sadness in her mind
As death climbs her cuts
With his own razor blade





Pain searing in her wrist,
Tears in her eyes,
Sadness in her mind
As death forsakes
her wounds
To create his own


Just a suggestion......

[The StoryTeller]

I like it, but this one was purposefully meant to be short, to show how quickly she could be gone... she means a lot for me. Thank you for your suggestions though. :) I might make another poem using them.

[Jerome F Knox III pseudonym Nefarious J. Dorsey]

I broke them out so you could see that they were still short...I understand your premise...

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, I'm still going to keep this like this, but thank you, and I think I will use your suggestions possibly for another poem.

[Vishuddha]

Too short. I need to know why. (Doesn't sadness reside in the heart?)

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, but I made it short on purpose... it's not haiku, it's more my personal version of it, and I don't exactly trust myself to go into a full poem with these specific emotions. Besides, shortness expresses this better.

[Ishita Dixit]

Three lines...yet they scream to tell of the agony of the girl. This is a sadly amazing piece.

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, and I care for her so much (she's the girl I wrote "Shattered" and "Love is a girl" about) and I've seen so many friends go for this too (if you forget my feelings towards her) and if that's not enough, I used to do this too, so it's truly heartbreaking, because I know the pain it causes, and how it takes one mis-swipe and then you can be gone forever. Or one on purpose....

[Ishita Dixit]

I get what you're saying.
I've been through this.
But I chose to let go of him, to whom i meant nothing. And look, I am happy!
Besides Blade, never forget, even for a second that somewhere, there is someone who cares for you beyond your imagination. You just have to be on a lookout. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Remember?

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, that's true, but she dies care about me... which is part of my problem we care about each other... and yes, I know there are people out there that do care a lot for me... you for instance. Not like that I assume, but you do care about me a lot it seems. :))

[Ishita Dixit]

I do care about you Blade! :)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, that's good, and I just realized, I was trying to type does... but I guess death... whether hers or mine or someone else's is so much on my mind... I'm glad you care about me though. I'm guessing I'm like your younger brother or something like that? Or possibly just a friend? Sorry, I'm kind of depressed right now, and it might be showing in what I'm saying and how I'm saying it... I'm just going to shut up right now.

[Ishita Dixit]

I have a crazy younger brother already.
So you are my friend...not just a friend but a good friend whom I need to counsel maybe. Learn to love yourself Blade, the way we all love you!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, that's kind of funny, crazy younger brother.
I'm glad I am, and are you sure you could counsel me? Or counsel at all? o; Sorry, I'm still really down right now... I don't think everyone loves me either...

[Ishita Dixit]

Check inbox

[The StoryTeller]

Inbox? My email?

[Playing with Demons]

Very simple yet very powerful
I know this emotion and struggle to well so a very moving piece
Thanks for the write

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, unfortunately I do too from both the personal experience of doing it and of watching very close friends I care about (her included) doing it.

[Playing with Demons]

I'm so sorry *hugs*

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you... *hugs* :)) (I want to make a half happy smile, but I figure that's too downing and I need to be uplifting.)

[Playing with Demons]

Haha its all good
:) *good vibes dance*

[The StoryTeller]

Yes we could all use one of those.

[Playing with Demons]

Haha I try to keep a Stellar mood

[The StoryTeller]

Happy moods are good, extraordinary even better. :(

[The StoryTeller]

Meant that to be a happy face lol. XD

[Playing with Demons]

Haha its fine I figured
And hell yeah haha

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, yes, extraordinary is extraordinary because it's extra. :p

[Playing with Demons]

Hahaha extra always seems to be pretty good like....extra Guns N Roses or....Black Veil Brides idk hahaha

[The StoryTeller]

Lolololololol

[Playing with Demons]

XD yup well uhm
Have fun at school or whatever I guess
You seem like a goody goody kid so I'm sure you'll do fine

[The StoryTeller]

I seem like a goody goody kid??? Ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, but okay. XD

[Playing with Demons]

I'm sorry but you do!
I don't actually know you personally but from what you've said and your profile you seem like a good kiddie
I'm not saying you aren't a little rebel at all but really you're just a sweet kid lolol

[The StoryTeller]

XD Lol, you have no idea. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf... If I said some things in my profile (that only some peoples on here know) of my past and things that I've done and have been done to me and places I've been... You would see a VERY different me. But, I'd rather turn over a new leaf and forget my past, so why not be cheerful and throw out a good view of me? Even if it seems goodie kiddie. But yeah, if I put the real me in my about me, the one I've been for so long, the one I'm not trying to not be... it would be very different.

[Playing with Demons]

Well I get that
I'm still working on the new leaf part haha but its coming along
Sorry about the rough past though *hugs*

[The StoryTeller]

Thanks... I don't even know why I got defensive over it, except that maybe it feels like if I just let you say I'm some type of good kid (what I'm trying to be) that's saying everything I and everyone else did in my past is okay. Sorry about that.

[Playing with Demons]

No its okay I sounded kind of judgy anyways (sorry)
Its just I've honestly never met a person like as nice and helpful as you so I was just amazed maybe idk but sorry still

[The StoryTeller]

No, that's okay... And... wow. So many people keep telling me that, but I almost wanted to tell you that no one has ever told me that before... believe me though, there as people more helpful and nicer than I am. Although everyone keeps telling me I should help people....

[Playing with Demons]

Well no one around here (CT) lol is nice. We are just a load of nasty sons of b*****s who can't get their s**t together. So its pretty awesome to meet a little nice fellow haha
You seem helpful from what I know *shrugs*

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I live in Ohio, the part where we have all the gangs, the poverty, etc... Actually, I don't live there currently and I hope to never again, but that's where I hail from. And well, thank you. :)

[Playing with Demons]

Black Veil brides is from Ohio!!!!!!!

[The StoryTeller]

Lolololol. Yeah, it seems a lot of people are from Ohio.

[Playing with Demons]

Sorry my inner fan girl is an unstoppable demon
Sometimes I just can't control her haha
read moreSorry my inner fan girl is an unstoppable demon
Sometimes I just can't control her haha
Well I think I may check out some more of your stuff because I'm curious...so yup
Excuse my social awkwardness

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I guess that makes sense. Lol, you're a girl? I don't know how I didn't guess that already, but lol XD

[Playing with Demons]

Yes yes I am a girl. My name is even a girl name. Lily. A flower ;P
Hahaha my profile picture isn't very feminine I guess lol XD

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, it wasn't so much your profile pic that made me think otherwise... maybe it was just how you talked??? XD I dunno.

[Playing with Demons]

Haha
Well then I try
I've grown up with a lot of guys I guess lol !?

[The StoryTeller]

That makes sense, although from (now seeing it) how you said goodie kiddie and your fan-girlish type stuff, I can see how you're a girl, and I'm surprised I didn't see it before. XD

[Playing with Demons]

My fan girl comes out often *fair warning* because I go HxC over my fandoms
Hahaha but its all good :))))

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, okay, and that's fine. :P

[Cool Girl]

That's really sad.. Reminds me of an old friend of mine. A good friend, actually, once I earned his trust..

[The StoryTeller]

I'm sorry.... o; I didn't mean to dredge up bad memories... and after you read the comment I left on "You may" you'll know what I'm talking about here: but this is about the sister of the jealous girl. I actually do like her a lot... and she's in a lot of my work, like "Shattered" and "Love is a girl"

[Cool Girl]

It's okay.. I don't keep in touch with them anymore anyway.

[The StoryTeller]

Oh okay.... I'm still sorry though...

[Cool Girl]

Oh, stop saying sorry.. You arnt sorry, you don't need to be sorry, the end! xD

[The StoryTeller]

I am sorry, and therefore I must be sorry.... XD Okay, even though I am sorry I will say I am not sorry although that is impossible just because of the fact I am sorry so I am contradicting myself while I'm sorry but I'm not sorry so you say so for you I'll just say I'm not sorry. :p

[Cool Girl]

Hahahahahaha xD
Okay..

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, what, you didn't like my sorry comment? You should post that on someone's comment area in their profile when they say you're not sorry... or tell it to a friend IRL. XD

[Cool Girl]

Lol I did like your comment! It was very..interesting xD

[The StoryTeller]

You should use it sometime XD

[Cool Girl]

I will...eventually xD

[The StoryTeller]

Eventually... XD

[Cool Girl]

In like a million years xD

[The StoryTeller]

2 million. :p

[Cool Girl]

That sounds about right.. xD

[The StoryTeller]

Or infinity million. XD

[Cool Girl]

Lolol yeah:)

[The StoryTeller]

On, and on, and onj XD

[Cool Girl]

And so it continues xD

[The StoryTeller]

Yep, it does, and I didn't mean to say onj, I meant to say on... XD

[Cool Girl]

Lololol.......

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Says a lot in a little very well written well done

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you. :))

[Lizardo]

3 lines, 3 ways to describe pain
3 times the pain
3 times for the reader feeling the pain
3 the emotions I felt in this poem.
That's all I have to say, It's beautiful

[The StoryTeller]

:)) Thank you Lizardo, that meant a lot to me. I just wish she would listen to me... I worry about her so much, for so many reasons, one of which I've nearly lost friends doing this and have done this myself...

[Lizardo]

Have you tried asking here why is she like that?

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, and even if I hadn't asked that I know why she is just from being there as of personal experience, plus she is really, really, close to me.

[luvs2write]

It almost feels wrong to say that I loved it, because it is such a heartbreaking poem. With just a few words you made such an emotional piece...I did like it.

[The StoryTeller]

It was about... if you've read the poem "You May" and read the comment I left to Cool Girl, you'll see what I'm talking about here... but that poem was about a girl. This poem is about her sister, who I also like and can relate with so much more, and this girl was also in my poem "Shattered" and "Love is a girl" and a few others. Anyways, I'm still glad you liked it, my heart just breaks to see her that way, and I know how she feels, I've been there, I've cut so.... Anyways. ;( (That's a half-smile face btw, like one of those weak smiles...)