Going Under

The battles that can exist within a person that remain unseen.

To be left
with no options.

A hollow existence
not seeking death,
not wanting life.

Needing to be
saved from herself,
carving her tears
out of blood.

She carries secrets
in her eyes,
hiding the demons
that haunt her
while her screams
are lost within.

She puts on
a strong front,
plastered with smiles
and empty laughs.

But she knows
she's going under,
losing her hold
and falling fast.

A girl almost
gone, suffers in
silence to not
burden the ones
she dearly loves.

Unable to stay
afloat much longer,
she cries out
an apology for
the complete failure
that she turned
out to be.

As she disappears
beneath the surface,
ever so quietly,
she lets go
of her soul,
aching and broken.

And whispers a
final, hushed goodbye,
falling below into
the dark waters.

A war, lost.
A girl, taken.

Forever unseen, disappeared.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

my older sister, Gail, suffered from schizophrenia for her entire adult life. she literally lived within her own hell, tortured by voices and demons and unable to hold employment or even a hobby . your poem made me immediately think of her. this is such a superb glimpse into mental and emotional suffering it should be published and read and reread. well written, superb! p.s. ...Gail finally found peace. she passed away from bone marrow cancer last April at the age of 61.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

I'm sorry for the loss of your sister but I'm happy she finally found the peace she deserves. May she rest forever in peace. Thank you so much for this review. Not only for letting me know about your sister but for the kind words as well. It means so much to me, more than you know, to have someone think a piece of theirs should be published and read by others. Especially about mental/emotional suffering. It's a dream of mine to eventually have something published and I would love to have a piece that can express and open the eyes of others who are blind or oblivious to this kind of pain. I really appreciate your review :)

[quinfinn]

it was my intense pleasure to read this piece, well done!

[Kelsey]

Your writing is something I can almost always relate to in some way or another. Depression is a hell of a battle, one that many people lose. It's great to show both the positive and negative sides of depression, and this has been a negative. Wonderful job at giving everyone a look at what so many people, myself being one of them, are faced with every day.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you so much! I really try to express at least a small glimpse into the struggles and battles that people go through silently with any sort of mental illness, especially because it's still so misunderstood and stigmatized.

[Relic's Bare Trees]

You're obviously very good, and not only at writing in general but creating dark poetry that leaves an impression on the reader. The ending here is haunting. Great writing.

Pendragon

PS. you'll find Sylvia on my page.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thanks so much for the review

[Relic's Bare Trees]

No problem.

[Allycat]

Another powerful piece by you
This reminds me of an evanescence song for some weird reason lol
Thank you for sharing, as always..wonderful job

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Evanescence is amazing so I like that it kind of reminds you of their style. :) Thanks for the reveiw!

[RachelReaper]

carving her tears
out of blood.
Awesome line! Seriously, that might sound odd, but this was my favorite line in the poem, it was just so cool! Keep it up, Whit.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you! :)

[Bumble]

A soul can be a dark place, but you have made it into something intimate and beautiful. Very well done.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thank you so much :)

[Ahmad Cox]

Dark and beautiful at the same time. I really appreciated this piece.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

Thanks :)