Five Senses of a Bad Love

Just something I made when I couldn't sleep

Be patient with me
I just need a little time to breath
Everything is happening so fast
It feels like we just won't last
Quicken the pace! Slow down!
Every choice is made with a frown
I'm caught in the middle of it
Now doubting that we are the "perfect fit"
Everything isn't good enough for you
I'm wrong no matter what I try to do

Now it smells like love burning
I'm too proud to start begging
It sounds like a heart shattering into parts
Having me on a leash from the start
It feels like a heavy weight on my shoulder
Each day, you get a bit more colder
It looks like a walking natural disaster
I know there is no "Happy Ever After"
It tastes like a cold plate of hate
All I can do now, is wait

Reviews

[The Concealed Prince]

Love the wording. Love the whole thing.

[Jazique]

Great job. To think you know someone and watch and wait slowly as they turn colder and colder watching as everything you believed in dies but, yet some small part of you waits and hopes you loved will come back because whats happening now is just your five senses are lying to you or at least what you want to believe. Well done. Expressive, creative. It was very nice.

[SilentDreamer]

Great flow, can relate, definitely a good poem here. Great job, keep it up.

[Norma M Sutton]

Well worded. Been there too.

[Emily Quinn]

I like how it rhymes but it doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel like you were searching out the rhymes which is great because it makes it flow so naturally. As for the substance of this poem, this sounds like many relationships when they start leading up towards the end. I like the contrast between beginning and end;
"Be patient with me
I just need a little time to breath
Everything is happening so fast"

then later;
"I'm too proud to start begging
It sounds like a heart shattering into parts
Having me on a leash from the start"

oh the joys of having writers block all day then the moment you lay your head for the night thousands of words come like those off of a teleprompter! (not saying you had writers block of course- personal experience)

[Chilson, Joshua]

Most everyone has had their heart broken or pushed to move so fast that even the strongest patient people break. Try using "Happily ever after". Other than that, Coyote wrote what needs to be said, great write.

[Coyote Poetry]

The description in this poem is so good. So many statements stood out.
"Everything isn't good enough for you
I'm wrong no matter what I try to do"
Sometime when we realize things ain't right. Better to run then swim in s**t.
"It tastes like a cold plate of hate
All I can do now, is wait"
Poem was direct and you held back no punches. A outstanding poem.
Coyote