Scribble this, cry about that

Made this in like 10 minutes but I think it's does an OK job at describing me

Every time my pen touches this paper
I put down what I feel
Because I am my heart's keeper
And the pain inside is very much real

Sometimes I can't find the right words
To describe the problems at my heel
Makes me trip and spiral downwards
Permanently broken and unable to heal

It's to the point where I just make rhymes
Sit alone in my dark room
Remembering the good times
So painful, it's enough to consume

I'm here but I'm not
Pretend to listen but my mind's gone
Feels like multiple blood clots
I'm writing about all my wrongs

Did I cause my own pain?
Made myself into this angry demon
But stands outside to cry in the rain
Without one good reason

Reviews

[Jazique]

Flawless again to the grammar to the spelling you seem to do much better with your poems when it comes to that. As for the poem as a reader that was very interesting. I felt the ending was good but, yet sad as it rhymed oh so well. It was interesting with the flow of words of just every thought at that time and emotion rolling further down the page. Well done.

[SilentDreamer]

Wow, I can definitely relate to this, completely. And I'm sure a lot of other writers can too. It flowed really well and I loved it! Great job! :)

[Martina]

I can really connect with this - in person I'm a very emotionaless person, a lot of people tell me I come off as cold-hearted. I suppose it's true, I only show emotion when I write and make music. I think some of us have to channel our emotions in different ways. I loved this write, and you mastered rhyming ... something I am terrible at :)
100/100 great write

[Zachary_James]

great job

[Brittany]

I like this a lot just a couple suggestions. In the 4th line I think you should take out much it would help it flow better. And it's kind of awkward when you rhyme heel with heal, but once again it really is great.

[Norma M Sutton]

Well written and well said.

The secret to moving on, believe it or not, is to put on a happy face and face the world even when all you really want to do is crawl under the bed and never come out. Ironically enough if you do that the "happy face" seeps down into your heart and makes you see the things that you still love about life.

[Closed Account]

I love this. It's really good(:
My favorite part was the last line:
"Did I cause my own pain?
Made myself into this angry demon
but stands outside to cry in the rain
without one good reason"
Great job(: