The Difference in Problem Solving Between Men and Women

Another essay I wrote for fun. I was arguing with my mother when the difference between men and women hit me.

The Difference in Problem Solving Between Men and Women

A Report by Walker Andreasen

 

            So I was contemplating today the difference in how men and women solve problems and I think I have come to a simple, basic consensus on how this happens. Seeing as how I am a gentleman, ladies first.

            How ladies fight usually is very complex and the end result is very confusing. Women fights can also be referred to and are also known as: Psychological warfare; this can be brought down upon both sexes.  Let’s create a scenario:

            There’s Woman Uno (we’ll call her Larissa because, well, why not?) and Woman Dos (Margret). Larissa has been dating Philip for eight months. Margret has wanted Philip for the past eight years and is very jealous that Larissa is better at fishing. Now that the scenario is set, let’s move on to the excitement shall we? Margret declares war on Larissa by telling a mutual friend of Larissa and Margret that Margret and Philip has, well, ‘frolicked’ together par say. The mutual friend (Taylor, female) has three options. 1) Ask Philip if this is true. 2) Tell Larissa what Margret said or 3) spread this rumor around thus starting the psychological warfare. As stated in one of my earlier papers “Why Zombie Movies Are Worse Then They Already Are” you will know by now that EVERYONE, ALWAYS chooses option three.

            Most women fights are usually started by a third party. True, Margret was the first one to say anything, but Taylor had the outcome entrusted to her, so it’s her fault if Larissa and Philip break up. Not Margret’s. The big twist is that Taylor not only told one friend about this pseudo frolicking, she told several at once all the while taking the liberty of putting in her own juicy facts. Now all of her girlfriends go on spreading this rumor around adding their own juicities (don’t you love making up words?) and by the time Larissa hears of it, she’s mad at Philip for cheating on her with Margret, Taylor and the waitress at Olive Garden in a motel room in Barcelona while she was in the next state over visiting her mother. This of course was never this case in the first place.

            The psychological warfare rains down upon Philip now as he has no idea what’s going on as we men usually don’t. At this point, Larissa won’t talk to Philip at all and he doesn’t know why, but he has a pretty good idea it was something he did. For the rest of the day Philip will go about the house cleaning everything while Larissa gives him the cold shoulder. This has served Larissa two purposes: 1) Let Philip know that she is mad at him and 2) it got the house clean. Philip is now very confused trying to figure out what he did so he leaves the house. Bad idea. Now Larissa thinks that he is leaving to have another affair with the attendant at the Texaco station when in all actuality Philip is just taking the trash out. As you can see, this is all very confusing, because I am lost as I’m sure you are.

            But luckily I can save us from this chaos, and divert your thoughts to how men solve things. Let’s create another scenario:

            There’s Man One (Hank) and Man Two (Richard). The outline is very basic for how men solve things. The only thing that ever changes is why the fight started. For example:

Hank: “You’re a “(insert problem here. For example, ‘You’re a snitch, liar and so on and so forth. Or really any problem will do for the fight opener.)”

At this point Richard proceeds to firmly plant his right fist in Hank’s face. After this, if Hank is still conscious, Richard will proceed with yet another firmly planted fist. Now as Hank and Richard are introducing fists to each other’s faces, Richard’s buddies Larry and Hubert come to Richard’s aide. When Hank’s buddies Tom and Sergio see this unfairness in introductions, they come over with a few of their own for Richard, Larry and Hubert. We now have a fight as all sides have equal members in their parties.

            How this fight is solved:

            Which ever side wins is right, the other side is wrong. End of discussion. Now these two men will most likely not talk to one another for the rest of their lives except for the occasional acknowledging nod. Larry, Sergio, Tom and Hubert have no quarrels with each other so they will, on occasion, speak to each other.

            Where as at the end of Larissa’s and Margret’s fight (which was still happening while Hank and Richard were solving their differences) they will become best friends, Philip will be left single due to the fact Larissa left him because he was frolicking with the Krispy Krème cashier for free donuts, (which was of course a lie) and Margret found a new love and had no desire for him there for adding more psychological bombs to be dropped on Philip who has no idea what happened and is still cleaning the bathroom to try to make Larissa not mad at him, and Taylor has faded into the shadows until needed once more when Larissa finds out that Margret is dating her brother.

            We’ll save that for later.

                                    -Walker

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I have three daughters and six sisters. I don't know nothing about woman after 54 years of life. Men get pissed off and may fight. In time we forget and don't give a s**t. Good luck on this topic. I enjoyed your view on a subject with no real answer but be quiet and hope she forget in 20 year or less. A excellent story.
Coyote

[Tegon Maus]

Yikes... I hate high school drama !! Why people do this to themselves is beyond me. The one piece of advice I can give is MAD... Mutual Automatic Destruction. This is an agreement you make with your significant other early in the relationship that basically says what’s good for the goose is good for the gander... what you do I get to do with no repercussions and the same goes for you. The key is talking about EVERYTHING... if I cheat you get a freebee of equal or lesser value... if you have a night out... I get one too. Once in place, both of you always make decisions with the other mind. It holds balance for both... it works !!