Footsteps

My junior year in high school we had to write a one stanza poem that was complete and it couldn't be a hiku and this is what I came up with:

Footsteps

A poem by Walker Andreasen

Footsteps in the path,

That's strewn with leaves of autumn.

Those thoughts, I sought them

Of memories long forgotten.

Author's Note

My junior year in high school we had to write a one stanza poem that was complete and it couldn't be a hiku and this is what I came up with. I could never really think of anything else to write that fit well with this. Any thoughts? Please share them!

Reviews

[Kshitij Srivastava]

I think, its nothing less than perfect for me. Loved it, thanks for sharing (y)

[I Am Svetlana]

Short, but I enjoyed it! I imagined a guy walking down a path full of autumn leaves, thinking of something, trying to remember it. But he just continues to walk because no thoughts or memories come to mind. Nice imagery and powerful message :)

[magenta24uk]

So short and sweet. A lovely piece. I wondered should it be on the path? It works both ways but 'in' seems to mean footprints rather than steps. Just a thought. :)

[xx]

Lovely poem you have here! I'm going to apologize in advance for the brevity of my review, but I'm more accustomed to reading longer pieces...but that doesn't mean this has any less merit! I simply tend to rely on quantity to fluff up my reviews.

In any case, this one stanza poem stands on its own very well. I won't say that you need to add to it; I won't even encourage you to try to flesh it out. As I said, this one stanza stands on its own firmly enough, and there is are countless one-stanza poems that have become well-known in their own right, so don't worry about trying to draw it out any longer. In fact, the brevity and simplicity of this poem adds to the impact that it leaves on its readers, and I'll even say that this reflects the spirit of the autumn season - fleeting, fading. By all means, keep it the way it is if you'd like, because it certainly doesn't need any more than what you have already written! :)

Poetic license gives you the right to do as you wish when writing poetry, to be honest, as long as it flies with your readers...so don't feel that I expect you to attend to any of the points I bring up: I thought the placement of the comma after the first line was a little odd; I don't think it's particularly necessary. But again, poetic license. Do whatever makes you comfortable with the pace of the poem.

And have you considered replacing "leaves of autumn" with "autumn leaves?" There's nothing wrong with how you worded it; I just thought the latter flowed with the rhythm of the poem a tad better. I tend to frown at extraneous words, and always reduce where I can. But this is your poem, so stick to your style if you wish! :)

A thoughtful poem, calm and wistful. Lovely work, and I know we'll be seeing more from you in the future. Happy writing! :)

-Mina

[Mia]

Have you ever considered building on this? Just this one stanza is awesome; I think you could write a really killer poem if you wrote more.

[Walker Andreasen]

I have! just nothing i come up with seems to flow as well and seems to fit with that stanza :/

[Mia]

Understandable...I can only imagine it would be difficult to do. And like I said the stanza is wonderful so the standards are super high. Anyhow I was just wondering.

[Ruth]

Its lovely as it is in my opinion :) A recollection, gathered with tender poise xoxo