Lawn

green grass in Spring...

Lawn

 

I run merrily in bare feet

blades make me happy

 

 

while a marmalade cat chews

indigestion cure

 

 

the edges turning brown

Dad’s weed killer spray

 

 

freshly mown clippings in a pile

decapitated daisies

 

Author's Note

I'm not sure that people are getting the message that this poem is kind of cynical in its tone... it has a rather ironic message while appearing to be a typical summery day!

Reviews

[Sir Robert Robbie Lord ..]

within in my own individual choice i give this short and complete poem
a green thumb's up a great expession from a brief impression i like to
implicate for those decapitated daisy heads i feel remorseful for some of them
I enjoy some as wine thanks for your review i have mice nearby me
in a field one day and i kid you not i had seen one on a large leaf
floating up stream it was so cool mice are so clever the little mouse
wanted to cross over the water on his own accord and the little mouse did
AND HOW AWESOME IS THAT !

[Lipstick_Lesbian]

I loved this! The tone was a bit ambiguous, but I actually enjoyed that. Great imagery and use of all the senses.

[Chihiro Isabelle]

Super short, but adorable. I laughed at the end, I'm not sure you wanted me to! I decided to see it in a comical light.

[Dezzyray]

hmm i liked this, it was a great write!

[GBU POETRY ONLY]

Decapitated daisies happen often but the good thing is, they come back
and color the lawn once again. I like the crisp, summery feel of this
ironic summer day poem.. Thanx for sharing, WV!
GBU

[NaCl]

Ya the cynacism is a bit evident, however you could definitley make it stronger. More emotional description mught be better for a peice like this, rather than physical. An even stronger point you could make is maybe when you say, blades make me happy, try to find a word other than happy. Blades bring bliss would work, or something along those lines. Overall I like the raw edginess of the peice and it doesn't need to much work :)

[Augustus]

Well, the author's note killed the challenge in reviewing this write. The cynicism is very evident really. In fact the last three stanzas are in stark contrast to the first one. To me, it showcases the different perspectives that different people have on the lawn. The first is that of a child, who simply takes delight in running over the blades of grass. The second is a cat's, of course. And the third one is a grown-up's take, who gauges the beauty of the lawn on the basis of how well manicured it is. To a cat, it is "useful", to the grown up, it is aesthetically pleasing but to a child, it is joy in it's purest form.
Cleverly and succinctly done! A very good write!

[~Blue Fantasy~]

Ahh a summer day! Beautiful, very well expressed and great imagery!!

[sivan]

the poem is as much fresh as the imagery portrayed. great work.