Sandwich Monster

Sandwich Monster

A Story by YouoweYoupay

I want to help you go home.


"I made a sandwich. Then I took my pills. Then I stretched my legs and too deep breaths."

"What is a... I'm sorry. Please, continue."

"No, it's alright. What did you want to ask?"

"What is a sandwich?"

"It's food. Nourishment. Two pieces of bread. In between them, we put things like jam or chocolate spread or salty things like cheese or eggs."

"Thank you for explaining. Please keep talking. I want you to tell me more."

"Well, the last- the last memory I can recall was having a fight with my mother. She wanted me to do the laundry. I hate that. Then I stormed into my room.. And now I'm in another world. Your world."

"My world?... I want to help you go home. But only if you promise to make me a... what do you call it? A sandwich."

"Done deal. Just get me out of here, will you?"

© 2017 YouoweYoupay

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Two things: 1. I am sure in the first line you meant "took" and not "too". Also this sentence, "we put things like jam or chocolate spread or salty things..." would read better if it was, "we put things like jam, chocolate spread, or salty things like cheese or eggs."

2. First read through I was a little confused about what was going on in the story... but i caught on after re-reading the first line of the story.

Now, I am assuming that the sandwich is the narrator being caught somewhere between life and death, am I correct?

Posted 1 Month Ago

Psychedelic... i love meta stories and this is a good example. Loved it

Posted 2 Months Ago

Lol well, I hope you've had the sandwich by now? Have you?😜

Your sandwich description made made chuckle😀thankyou for sharing !


Posted 2 Months Ago

I felt as if I had lifted a phone and got a crossed line - which everyone bar none will listen to for noseyness but it doesn't mean it's satisfying.
Hats off for the uniqueness though

Posted 3 Months Ago

When you read this you can hear the emotion in the "voices" of the ones speaking.

When you read this you know who the speakers are, where they are, and what's driving them to speak.

But what does a reader get? Unknown people in an unknown place, speaking for unknown reasons in a monotone.

A story is not a record of what happens. That's history. It takes place in the heart and mind of the protagonist. It lies in that person's struggle to remain in control of their life. And the methodology for communicating the story is not related to the writing skills we learn in our schooldays, because their goal is to inform. Fiction's goal is to entertain.

Dig around in the local library system's fiction writing section. Lots of good advice to be found there. You might also dig around in the writing articles in my blog, for a better idea of the issues involved.

Jay Greenstein

Posted 3 Months Ago

Nice! Is this the beginning of something new? Are you teasing us with a wider world in this story? Or is this the whole deal, one and done? Either way, I like it!

One small thing...

"Then I stretched my legs and took* deep breaths."
Other than that, brilliant!

Posted 3 Months Ago

Did you eat the sandwich? A interesting tale in the poetry my friend. Thank you for sharing your words and thoughts.

Posted 3 Months Ago

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7 Reviews
Added on August 13, 2017
Last Updated on August 13, 2017



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