Survivor 1: Paul - Part 1

I play Day Z (an online survival game about a post-apocalyptic setting with zombies mixed in). I take experiences while playing and convert directly into story format from the characters perspective.

I woke up in the woods last night, it was dark and mind-numbingly cold. My body was weak from hunger…how did I even get here? I began hiking through, trying to make my way elsewhere. I eventually found myself on top of a high, barren hill and saw what seemed to be a small town in the distance. I thought I might be imagining things as it was quite a way off from my location and looked small. With no other options logical, I had to investigate.

My jogging increased to a sprint as the cold air pierced my lungs from the inside. Suddenly, the terrain had a drop in it that I hadn’t noticed due to it blending in with the dark green mesh I have been treading for some time now. The misstep caused my leg to bend in a peculiar angle and I immediately dropped to the ground writhing in pain. I knew right then and there, it was broken.

Just as fast as the excitement filled me when I saw the ahead town, it was snatched away just as swiftly. I knew I was still a good run from the town but that running was no longer an option. I thought to myself, “Is this it? Is this where I die? I the middle of the woods where no one will find my body, where I’ll never see my family again and they will not hear of my death to at the very least bring them some sort of closure?”

No.

This can't be it. With my stomach now aching in pain from hunger to rival the pain in my leg, it pushed me. The pain angered me and fueled me to survive. I began to crawl. At a  grueling pace, my body fighting against me as well as the elements of my environment, I simply had to ignore it all.

I eventually found myself in some grassland, now out of the woods. I had just enough in me to pull my body to crouching position. Lifting above the overgrown grass, I saw it. It was confirmed, I had in fact seen man-made structures and there they were, no more than a football fields length away. I went back to a crawl and positioned myself on the side of the road, completely exhausted.

As my consciousness was fast eluding me my ears picked something up.

pat-pat, pat-pat

Footsteps, and they were fast paced…Could it be someone rushing to my aid? I squint my eyes to see clearer. It was a hunched over man, running on all fours… People don’t usually run like animals, what the hell was I seeing rushing at me? As it got closer I saw his disgusting face, void of half its skin. I can’t run, and crawling is useless. I feel it, him, whatever the f**k it is now clawing at my back. Good God did it rip into me. All the pain I have endured so far is not worth it, if I die here at least I’ll be found. I closed my eyes, knowing its all over.

Bang!

"What the f**k was that?!" I thought to myself. I reopen my eyes and I see all I can describe as a zombie laying lifeless next to me. I turn around and see my unwanted savior, standing above me. I plea to him to put me out of my misery when again…

Bang!

He slumped down to the ground, motionless. This scene is starting to look like it could make news as a suicide party in the middle of a road. I just hoped whatever shot him, would shoot me too to end my suffering.

The culprit, well both of them I should say, showed up clad in black and wearing motor-cycle helmets. They were strapped to the teeth with high-power firearms.

"End me." I demand of them. I figured they would do so anyway as they killed an innocent man that just saved me no more than 10 seconds ago.

Instead I see two things dropped before me, morphine and bandages. My urge to die was vanquished. I promptly injected myself with the morphine and patched up my body to stop from bleeding out thanks to the nails of that infected…abomination.

I was able to stand again and got my second wind. I thanked the strangers while still being cautious as they easily could change their mind at any time and I ran.

I left now in search for some food and water.

All I heard behind was, “Be on your way now.”

Author's Note

Did you enjoy? Let me know any thoughts below. :).

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

well, this was different than what I am used to reading, but boy, what a journey. I have to say, I really liked this.. It grabbed my attention, kept it, had me anticipating what would come next, and left me wanting more at the end.. You allowed me into the main characters thoughts which helped make him likeable and relatable.. Nice descriptions made for vivid imagery...

few small things I noticed...

1. "when I saw the ahead town"... made me stumble over it and have to reread.. might sound better if you said the town ahead

2. "I knew I was still a good run from the town but that running was no longer an option." sometimes you can eliminate extra words to make ideas and images flow better.. I noticed in a few spots-- this is just an example and a matter of preference, I guess. Just trying to be helpful... You could say instead...
I knew I was still a good run from town, but running was no longer an option. (you see the difference?.. sometimes less is more...)

3. "At a grueling pace, my body fighting against me(,) as well as the elements of my environment, I simply had to ignore it all."

4. It was confirmed, (period here or semicolon?) I had(,) in fact(,) seen man-made structures and there they were, no more than a football fields length away."

5. "As my consciousness was fast eluding me(,) my ears picked something up."

6. "Good God(,) did it rip into me(?)"

7. "End me." I demand(ed) of them.I figured " throughout the story you spoke in past tense, so then should this not be past tense?

8. "Instead(,) I see two things dropped before me, morphine and bandages"

9. "I thanked the strangers(,) while still being cautious as they easily could change their mind at any time and I ran."

Again, really nice start, you have piqued my interest.. I hope this helps a little bit..

[Bill O. Writes]

Thanks for the feedback! I'll have to pay more attention to those things. I get so carried away with imagery that I sometimes lose myself in the scene. I'm glad you liked it though!

[AprilRN1210]

I do the same thing... trust me I have a few friends that love pointing mine out:)

that's what we are here for, to help each other, right? You are more than welcome.. I honestly did enjoy:)

[Lucy]

you have a way with words that makes me feel as if i am there, living this life as Paul - the survivor, i loved it!

[C. Rose]

He is not having a good day! He was justified in all the "wtf"s.
Instead of "I thanked the strangers", use dialogue to make it showing not telling.