Seeking Comfort in Darkness

Seeking Comfort in Darkness

A Poem by FlatLineBeauty

The day approaches on the calander
Memories begin to flood my mind
I wish I could go back
Just to see if there was something I missed
My heart aches knowing I'd give anything
Just to go back to you
The tears flow freely down my cheeks
Remembering the last breath you took
Your spirit left leaving your body cold and lifeless
Burying my hands in my face 
My body begins to shake
A flood of overwhelming loss
The grief covers me
Like a heavy blanket
The feeling of a bowl ball
Sits on my chest 
Falling to the floor
I begin to break down
The nurses come
They try to console me
Leading me out of the room
But I cling to your bedside
Looking into your face
Please come back
Don't leave me here alone
Please
Crawling on the bed
I curl in a ball next to you
Wrapping my arms around you
Please just hold me
Tell me it will be ok
Come back
I need you
The nurses call security
They pull me out of the room 
I watch them take your body away
The grief becomes heavier
My back against the wall
I slide down
Feeling empty and broke
A feeling of weakness sweeps over
My body is limp
Like a rag doll
No bones or muscle
I sit in that spot for hours
Not able to move 
An uncomfortable sting 
Burns my eyes
A blanket of darkness covers me
Everything feels so cold
So lifeless
I go home to an empty house
I keep the lights out
Seeking comfort in darkness
Wanting to be alone
I close my eyes
Picturing your warm smile
The soft tone in your voice
The pain in my chest grows deeper
The sobs heavier
Laying on the ground breathless
Please come back
If only it were me
Not you
I would take your place
If I could
I whisper curses
Why her?
Why let her suffer?
Only to die in the end
My day turned to darkness
My summer turned to winter
Sometimes I come to see you
In the times 
When I need you most
Laying across 
Where your body would be
Sultry tears soak the ground
A cold wind blows across my back
Giving me the sensation
Of your hand rubbing to comfort me
Words from my mouth hit the ground
Wishing you could hear me
Longing for your comforting touch
Please
I need you

© 2013 FlatLineBeauty



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Featured Review

This is a fantastic piece WRose.. So sorrowful and powerful.. I clearly remember reaching in the casket and holding daddy's hand and my uncle grabbing me and taking me away from the viewing room at the funeral home. some things never leave us. I would like to have permission to share this piece.. xo

Posted 4 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Of course you may. Thank you Rose. xo Winter



Reviews

I could not explain the torturous, overwhelming feeling that overcomes you when you first realize you will never again talk to, hug or be comforted by someone you love. Well-written. Amazing. Sad.

Posted 3 Years Ago


There is darkness and beauty that goes with the desperation and desire and it doesn't even have to be a sexual desire. Just a desire to feel anything at all. brilliant. Great job.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I think it is a very vivid piece, and your emotion comes pouring through. I just had one tiny thing, if it was your loved one, why would the nurses call security. I wasn't sure if you posed a threat to someone else or yourself. I get that you want to show how much anguish you truly felt. Is this based on a real life incident?

I ask because I sometimes write about situations that just capture me, and even though it didn't happen to me in person, the emotion of hearing such a thing captures me, and I want to tell the story or poem in my own way. That is why I asked if it was based upon something that happened to you. If so, then maybe mention the anger you had to have felt when they called security, let us feel your emotion from more then one angle. Sadness and grief are a huge part of your poem/story, but I'm simply suggesting that if you threw in another emotion, maybe you laughed about a pleasant memory you shared together. It will give the reader a ride, and let them feel the gamut of emotions you felt, but a contrasting emotion helps do just that, contrast. Let us take the journey with you, we are with you every step of the way, but we need a breath. Consider it like a roller coaster, it starts off slowly climbing to the top, then boom, it drops causing our stomachs to fly into our throats. If you gave us a point to let it sink in just how emotional this was by giving pause to another emotion even briefly, it only serves to punctuate just how sad you were. At one point you say go to you, but then you ask for her to come to you. I think you are being ambiguous about whom you are talking about because that is your intention. Lover? Sister? Friend? Mother? It is such vivid portrayal of emotion that anyone who reads this can only empathize. Is that what you wanted?

It was riveting, and I'm no one special. Just a person trying to become a better writer, and help others reach their potential as well. You could tell me to go jump off a bridge. and I would understand. Writing is very personal, and I was only trying to help you really deliver a knock out blow. That may not have been what you wanted. I have only the best intentions, and I hope you are not offended.

Feel free to read any of my writing and tear me a new if you feel like you need to do so. Any feedback, I can get at this point would be useful. You are an amazing writer, and you convey so much without telling, a gift many writers wished they possessed. I really hope you don't take my thoughts in a negative way. We are all striving to be the best writers we can. Like I said before though, I'm a nobody, my words are simply suggestions. Have a great week.

Posted 3 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

3 Years Ago

Hey Jonas! Your review is fine I am not offended, in fact I welcome all suggestions and points of vi.. read more
Jonas Hughes

3 Years Ago

The emotion doesn't have to be from then, because you are remembering. That is why I asked when it h.. read more
FlatLineBeauty

3 Years Ago

Jonas you are too kind with your reviews. I am not that awesome, but thank you just the same. Writin.. read more
Your grief is so tangible -- it is powerful and haunting.
My deepest condolences for your loss.

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much Lola xo Winter
Beautifully painful. You got your emotion across very well and were able to stir up some emotions in the reader. The sorrow and pain in these words are carried through the whole piece. Very descriptive.
I am sorry to hear about your loss, clearly by the pain its caused, she was someone deeply important to you. I lost someone recently, this pieces describes it perfectly.

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Thank you, Anna. I'm sorry for your loss. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message m.. read more
The older I get the more I realize my time on Earth is limited, and I also realize that a lot of the people I know and love will be passing soon. I have lost several people in my life, but the hardest was when my older brother passed on, He left way to soon, and I am now as old as he was when he died. I remember the day I got the call and broke down. You have expressed such intense feelings and emotions in this piece, it is a very powerful write. The circle of life goes on, but I am sorry for your loss. Trace

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

thank you! xo Winter
The vindication of this write just goes throughout the entire read as I read down the lines of this one...you weave a narrative felt with each word...thanks for the invite...busy at the moment...with work...some many RR's and will get a few a day and do my best to catch up...

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much Glen. xo Winter
Glen Yumang Manese

4 Years Ago

you're welcome...
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Sue
heart-wrenching and poignant x

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Thank you Sue xo Winter
Tears stinging at my eyes right now, this is such a sad piece, I am really sorry for your loss and I hope the burden is lighter.

Posted 4 Years Ago


FlatLineBeauty

4 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words and the time you took to read my work. xo Winter

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Added on September 22, 2013
Last Updated on September 22, 2013


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