Seeking Comfort in Darkness

The day approaches on the calander

Memories begin to flood my mind

I wish I could go back

Just to see if there was something I missed

My heart aches knowing I'd give anything

Just to go back to you

The tears flow freely down my cheeks

Remembering the last breath you took

Your spirit left leaving your body cold and lifeless

Burying my hands in my face 

My body begins to shake

A flood of overwhelming loss

The grief covers me

Like a heavy blanket

The feeling of a bowl ball

Sits on my chest 

Falling to the floor

I begin to break down

The nurses come

They try to console me

Leading me out of the room

But I cling to your bedside

Looking into your face

Please come back

Don't leave me here alone

Please

Crawling on the bed

I curl in a ball next to you

Wrapping my arms around you

Please just hold me

Tell me it will be ok

Come back

I need you

The nurses call security

They pull me out of the room 

I watch them take your body away

The grief becomes heavier

My back against the wall

I slide down

Feeling empty and broke

A feeling of weakness sweeps over

My body is limp

Like a rag doll

No bones or muscle

I sit in that spot for hours

Not able to move 

An uncomfortable sting 

Burns my eyes

A blanket of darkness covers me

Everything feels so cold

So lifeless

I go home to an empty house

I keep the lights out

Seeking comfort in darkness

Wanting to be alone

I close my eyes

Picturing your warm smile

The soft tone in your voice

The pain in my chest grows deeper

The sobs heavier

Laying on the ground breathless

Please come back

If only it were me

Not you

I would take your place

If I could

I whisper curses

Why her?

Why let her suffer?

Only to die in the end

My day turned to darkness

My summer turned to winter

Sometimes I come to see you

In the times 

When I need you most

Laying across 

Where your body would be

Sultry tears soak the ground

A cold wind blows across my back

Giving me the sensation

Of your hand rubbing to comfort me

Words from my mouth hit the ground

Wishing you could hear me

Longing for your comforting touch

Please

I need you

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

This is a fantastic piece WRose.. So sorrowful and powerful.. I clearly remember reaching in the casket and holding daddy's hand and my uncle grabbing me and taking me away from the viewing room at the funeral home. some things never leave us. I would like to have permission to share this piece.. xo

[FlatLineBeauty]

Of course you may. Thank you Rose. xo Winter

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I could not explain the torturous, overwhelming feeling that overcomes you when you first realize you will never again talk to, hug or be comforted by someone you love. Well-written. Amazing. Sad.

[Blacksheepfiction]

There is darkness and beauty that goes with the desperation and desire and it doesn't even have to be a sexual desire. Just a desire to feel anything at all. brilliant. Great job.

[Jonas Hughes]

I think it is a very vivid piece, and your emotion comes pouring through. I just had one tiny thing, if it was your loved one, why would the nurses call security. I wasn't sure if you posed a threat to someone else or yourself. I get that you want to show how much anguish you truly felt. Is this based on a real life incident?

I ask because I sometimes write about situations that just capture me, and even though it didn't happen to me in person, the emotion of hearing such a thing captures me, and I want to tell the story or poem in my own way. That is why I asked if it was based upon something that happened to you. If so, then maybe mention the anger you had to have felt when they called security, let us feel your emotion from more then one angle. Sadness and grief are a huge part of your poem/story, but I'm simply suggesting that if you threw in another emotion, maybe you laughed about a pleasant memory you shared together. It will give the reader a ride, and let them feel the gamut of emotions you felt, but a contrasting emotion helps do just that, contrast. Let us take the journey with you, we are with you every step of the way, but we need a breath. Consider it like a roller coaster, it starts off slowly climbing to the top, then boom, it drops causing our stomachs to fly into our throats. If you gave us a point to let it sink in just how emotional this was by giving pause to another emotion even briefly, it only serves to punctuate just how sad you were. At one point you say go to you, but then you ask for her to come to you. I think you are being ambiguous about whom you are talking about because that is your intention. Lover? Sister? Friend? Mother? It is such vivid portrayal of emotion that anyone who reads this can only empathize. Is that what you wanted?

It was riveting, and I'm no one special. Just a person trying to become a better writer, and help others reach their potential as well. You could tell me to go jump off a bridge. and I would understand. Writing is very personal, and I was only trying to help you really deliver a knock out blow. That may not have been what you wanted. I have only the best intentions, and I hope you are not offended.

Feel free to read any of my writing and tear me a new if you feel like you need to do so. Any feedback, I can get at this point would be useful. You are an amazing writer, and you convey so much without telling, a gift many writers wished they possessed. I really hope you don't take my thoughts in a negative way. We are all striving to be the best writers we can. Like I said before though, I'm a nobody, my words are simply suggestions. Have a great week.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Hey Jonas! Your review is fine I am not offended, in fact I welcome all suggestions and points of view. You are not a no body you are a somebody who loves to lend a helping hand. :) As for the poem, yes this happened to me. When I was 17 my best friend who was like a mother to me passed away. She was a lot older somewhere in her 50's. Growing up I never really clicked with people my age, I guess I was just born in the wrong era so to speak. Thing is, if I would have felt another emotion at the time, I would have added it, but truth is I couldn't feel anything else. Thank you for your review. I will be sure to check yours out. I may or may not rip you a new one, but I guess we will see. ;) xo Winter

[Jonas Hughes]

The emotion doesn't have to be from then, because you are remembering. That is why I asked when it happened. You can provide a context on why this person was so special to you. Exactly what you told me, made it all the more real, and provided an understanding I didn't have before. Except, I think you wanted it to be a poem not a story, its just that so many of us forget that many of the now "classics" like The Illiad, an Ulysses are told in a poetic form, and I'm trying to shed the constraints of lablels in my own writing. You have a epic poem, and like most greats, it has a tragic element, but now knowing that you are an old soul that found a kindred spirit makes it that much more compelling, and I know fully grasp your anguish. I get why you were so upset. You are an awesome writer, and I would be honored if you ever get a chance to read any of my stories. My poetry is something that just comes on a lark, and wants to get out. I love poetry, but I want to travel the path where the sidewalk ends, and to eat green eggs in a box with a fox, so until I'm relaxed enough for that short stories for the time being. Except the Biggest Loser in a Tri State Region, I'm not sure I'd recommend that one. Actually, I don't know which to recommend. I don't like any of them anymore, but I will make them better. I actually had a detour in life that robbed me of my passion, and creativity. I can relate to being born in the wrong time, and it was kind of cool to see someone else say that. I look forward to reading more of your work. It is awesome.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Jonas you are too kind with your reviews. I am not that awesome, but thank you just the same. Writing to me is a part of me and it is a passionate release and a way to help me deal with whatever is going on. You said you wanted to see something with a shift of emotions. Loss is a bit more angry/ sad/ speechless. It's not the best and kind of a downer, but it's there and again deals with a hospital and all that. Again a real life experience. I will def be looking you up. feel free to hit me up anytime if you need story or poem ideas. I know you said some experiences intrigue you, so if you ever want to write a second hand acct feel free. xo Winter

[Clara]

Your grief is so tangible -- it is powerful and haunting.
My deepest condolences for your loss.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you so much Lola xo Winter

[Anna]

Beautifully painful. You got your emotion across very well and were able to stir up some emotions in the reader. The sorrow and pain in these words are carried through the whole piece. Very descriptive.
I am sorry to hear about your loss, clearly by the pain its caused, she was someone deeply important to you. I lost someone recently, this pieces describes it perfectly.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you, Anna. I'm sorry for your loss. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me or add me as a friend. xo Winter

[Trace]

The older I get the more I realize my time on Earth is limited, and I also realize that a lot of the people I know and love will be passing soon. I have lost several people in my life, but the hardest was when my older brother passed on, He left way to soon, and I am now as old as he was when he died. I remember the day I got the call and broke down. You have expressed such intense feelings and emotions in this piece, it is a very powerful write. The circle of life goes on, but I am sorry for your loss. Trace

[FlatLineBeauty]

thank you! xo Winter

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The vindication of this write just goes throughout the entire read as I read down the lines of this one...you weave a narrative felt with each word...thanks for the invite...busy at the moment...with work...some many RR's and will get a few a day and do my best to catch up...

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you so much Glen. xo Winter

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[Sue]

heart-wrenching and poignant x

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you Sue xo Winter

[Cassie]

Tears stinging at my eyes right now, this is such a sad piece, I am really sorry for your loss and I hope the burden is lighter.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you for your kind words and the time you took to read my work. xo Winter