Doubt

A Story by Tiny Drop

I hate feeling like this. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I hate it so much I can't think of anything else. I hate it so much it seems to drive me insane. I hate it so much and yet I keep feeling it deep down. A small panic which grows in spite of my will. It only takes a few carefully composed words and my unshakeable conviction falters.
This dreadful feeling like nothing I thought I knew is true, I hate it. I hate it and it makes me hate myself, because I believe in you - I mean, I wanna believe - but deep down there's that soft voice whispering. Its melody spiteful as a snake's poison. I know I shouldn't hear it. I know I should believe you - and I do. I just don't trust myself to believe in you and it pains me deeply. I want to trust you. I want to believe in what I think is right despite what the world has to say about it. I believe you and I love you. Then... I should believe you, right?
I should... But why does that voice deep inside me remains cold and quiet beneath my shaky skin? Why does it whisper me words of alarm and danger? Is it my slumbering instinct warning me, trying to prevent me from making a mistake? Or is it just my baseless fear of being hurt?
I hear the hateful words coming out of their mouths over and over again. Not only once, but twice, endlessly. I know I shouldn't believe them without the facts that I dare not ask. I love you. I do. I want to love you regardless of what they say. But there's this voice inside me that says 'no'. I hope this love lasts, but in case it doesn't.
I'm sorry baby but the doubt got the best of me.

© 2017 Tiny Drop

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register

Reviews

An owl on the moon

The struggles of the mind and heart to hold onto to love and life are voiced so powerfully in your words here. Doubt, yes, just a small dose can become a wild poison to devour us.