Was I Wrong?

Was I Wrong?

A Poem by Lala

I don't know how to leave
I don't know how to stay
Thankful for the moment we said hey
Yet I already grieve for the heart I took away
I don't know how this happened exactly
Please know you make me happy
But I'm starting to think I handled things badly
Frustrated that I let my guard down
That I dragged you into the mess I carry around
Often it's the reason behind my frown
The one you like seeing me do
But sometimes I wish you knew
Why my brain no longer feels sane
I will try to explain
But I hope after entering this domain
You can still look into my eyes again

There's a reason I act so secluded
And I have concluded
Why this scenario always suited
Why I never let anybody close
Why it's emotions I dispose
And feelings well, why I ignore those
Because it's better to stay in the shadows
It's the life that I chose
One where nobody can get hurt
It's why I never opened that door
But I can't go back to that anymore
Because there you were
My little saboteur
Making my reality a blur
No longer knowing what's right 
No longer knowing what's wrong
These thoughts consume me every night
Whenever you are out of sight
And my only companion is the moonlight

Lately this fight makes me feel distraught
For a while now it's a reasoning I got
I'm not a bad person, at least I thought
I've been thinking about this a lot
Turning my stomach into a knot
I always try living in the moment
But in our moment I got caught
Now it's at this point of no return
And every day I feel my soul burn
I feel the heat of every flame
Every time I hear your name
Convinced that I'm the one to blame
For the things that will never be the same
I'm not a bad person, I promise
But when I'm completely honest
I believe this wreck is my fault
Because I didn't take a step back
Normally I wouldn't pursue this track
But I took your hand and stepped into your vault
A space that used to be your safe place
But the moment I walked in and showed my face
I brought baggage you cannot erase
And I think that in the long run
I'm the one doing more harm than good
I hope I made it clear, I hope you understood
Doing this I never consciously would
All of this I was never expecting
But if it's my actions I'm reflecting
I should've looked at who they were affecting
Even though it's you who I tried protecting
I think I helped you walk on a path of wrecking

It's this what's messing me up
Whatever I do, I can't make it stop
Often I'm getting frustrated
That I've let it come this far
I love whatever we are
You are my favorite song
I smile when it's this sound I can hum
But I'm scared for what it can become
That in the long run
You'll look back and feel hate
Because I created this state
Just know it never felt like a mistake
But sometimes I think for your sake
It's the highroad I should take
Before it's really too late
But I know I don't have that power
Because I love the time we spend
Wish I could extend every minute and hour
So just leaving all of this behind
Is something I know I could never
Because it's not just in my mind
But also in my heart where you'll be forever
And if we look at every fact
It's probably weird how we act
But I just wanted to say
I still hope for all of this to stay
You'll always be a part of my story
One of which only we know its glory
But if there's a day where it all must go away
I feel like it's mandatory
To make clear from me to you
For this mess I caused, I'm truly sorry

© 2017 Lala


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Added on December 24, 2017
Last Updated on December 26, 2017

Author

Lala
Lala

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Welcome to my page! I know we're all writers here, but if you like my writing and are interested in me writing something for you, just hit me up! I do freelance poetry writing and it truly makes me.. more..

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