What I was up Doing

I wrote this for my husband one evening when our communication was uncharacteristically quiet after another round with my mental illnesses. I never seem to have the right words to say in the moment...

She was lost.

Not in who or where she was. Just lost. In a moment, she fell between the cracks of

reality as she laid there just studying him as he dreamed. Never in her life had she felt so misplaced and

cognizant all in one moment. Overwhelmed with emotions unbeknownst to her prior, she laid there with

him and began to weep. Not for him. Not for these emotions that overtook her in this rare moment, but for

the moments she knew she would be without him. Mourning the times that she knew that she would have

to bare alone when their worlds no longer collided.

A young bride and her new world. Disoriented by these feelings that she believed no longer

dwelled inside her and only then comprehending the dangers of these emotions. No longer could she hide

the vulnerability that threatened to overtake her once pseudo persona of strength and that terrified her. No

longer could she place the mask upon her face and avoid the confrontation of speaking her private

thoughts aloud. To articulate these feelings, she believed, were to give them life whilst giving them the

fortitude necessary to finally let them drown her.

But him. He was unlike any other. His attributes resembled that of Gods and he was so blind to it.

His arms could withstand the trials and tribulations of the day and strangle any insecurities away. With

the delicate touch of his hands, he could mend the unperceivable wounds left by other unworthy men and

construct masterpieces in moments. The projection of his voice could bring a beast to their knees. But, his

blindness and humble nature to his own strength are what mesmerized her to him.

There will never be another like this man to this woman nor would she ever want again with him.

Though they struggle, they persist. Not for rank or for happiness, but for love. Their love was unlike any

before or any after. It transcends time and worlds. Although as she lay there and grieved the undetermined

future, she knew she would find him again. That assurance is what lulled her into a deep sleep as she fell

back into those arms. The soft lullaby of their breathing intertwined demolished any doubt they felt as

another night passed and time went on.

Author's Note

I would love any and all feedback! I know my writing has been all the same lately but we tend to write about things we've experienced... Right?

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Hi Kathrine, I found this a very intriguing story as I am Bipolar my self and I know from experience that the ups and downs can make relationships fraught. It is hard to explain that if I am manic I'm not in control and what might come out is not really me. In places your story reads almost like a Greek myth - your paragraph describing your husband seems a bit unreal and too good to be true. I think if you tell us more about the real difficulties (for both of you!) it would make it stronger. You have got a good basis for a great story! If its any consolation I find it hard to tell the true story of my bipolar experience because there are too many painful and personal events to share. My poem Manicarus does tell how being manic feels if you would like to read.
Well done and good luck Kathryn,
Alan

[alienated.aquarius]

i really liked this piece, it flows to your own unique melody while still capturing the essence of being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with mental illness. this feels so bittersweet, i would love to see more like this!