Bathmophobia

A Poem by

Based on real experiences, I have struggled with this phobia for a while now, this is an account of the battle I have with my body overpowering my head.

Bathmophobia

Walking slowly.
Heart pumping.
Boom.
Boom.
Like it's coming out of my chest,
Making its way up to an unfathomable
Confusion in my head.

First step up.
The gaps, the gaps.
They are pulling me through.
Slip,
Slip.
I can see myself falling,
In front of my eyes.
Even though,
I know I am not.

Climbing upwards.
Don't look down.
I'll slip and
Fall.
Fall.
No more.
Please no more.

Reaching the top,
But reaching a standstill.
Body in lock-down.
I cannot move.
Inside my head, I am
Screaming,
Screaming.
I have to go on.

People behind.
Chatting, talking.
Laughing, giggling.
Sneering,
Sneering.
Their voices haunt me like
Distant ghosts.

Move on, I must.
I cannot,
I cannot.
Eyes closing,
Heart racing.
Step up.
'That's it, Keep going,'
I encourage myself.

Step up.
Again,
Again.
Getting closer now.
Nearing the top.
People behind me,
restless,
Yet I am being silently tortured,
Locked in my head.

I feel ill,
As I take the last step up.
At last it is over.
Over,
Over.
I want to fall to my knees,
Kiss the ground,
Yet I am strange enough already,
Aren't I not?

My long lasting enemy:
Stairs,
Stairs.