My Life Story

A Story by

The title pretty much says it all. If you want to know more about me, you should read this.

You know how when your a kid around 11-12 you have crush. The first one where its all you want. Its everything. HE’s everything. I had one, his name? Doesn’t matter. I thought about him constantly. He didnt feel the same. By the end of 5th grade i had gotten over it. He had a girlfriend, or i guess as much of a girlfriend an 11 year old can have. Anyway, in Stepember of the next year. He liked me(Random fact: He told me he liked me while i was listening to Fall for You i-freaking-ronic much?) I hadn’t even thought about him over the summer. But he was the first guy to like me ever so i starting liking him again. On November 20, 2008 he asked me out. (I remember this date because its my parents anniversary and my friends b-day. Really ironic, right?) It had to be fate. Maybe it was. Anyway we proceeded going out the rest of my 6th grade year. He was not cute, nor has he ever been. Even now he still is really ugly. So now realizing that guys could like me, I was constantly looking for someone better. This obviously caused issues. So we had our fights, and mini-breakups. I suppose you could say he was verbally abusive in a way. Whenever we would fight he would hit me with whatever words would hurt. Which at the time was my weight and other issues about how i looked. At 12 years old i weighed 116, i mean i don’t know if that was actually overweight. But i go to a private school in florida so the normal weight with other people was around 80. Next to everyone else. i was huuge i had even stopped eating and become rather anorexic. A tendency i still have that still flows back and forth(For anyone thats wondering i am, in fact at the same weight i was back then so hooray) He and his friends would compare me to the worst people and things ever. One time they sent me a link to porn…Yes, i do remember that. But i would always take him back. I loved him, right? Well wrong by the summer of 09’ i realized that i didnt actually like him at all anymore. He just was the only person who liked me. I broke up with him. I guess this is when it all went wrong. We didn’t talk all summer, or at least since like july when i broke up with him. A week before school he sent me his schedule. We had EVERY SINGLE CLASS together, can you say awkward? Like really, really awkward. On the first day of school i was rather..cold to him. i didnt really say anything. He was upset by that. But we patched it up. We starting texting. I told him i missed him(though god knows why! I was apparently a really stupid kid..) September 1, 2009 was the last day he ever talked to me(i honestly don’t know why i remember this?) He and his friends starting insulting me every chance they got. They called me fat, ugly, and said i had no friends, which by then was really true. They said this stuff to my face, on the internet, via text message, and everyday gossip. He made everyone besides my two best friends hate me. Everyone thought i was overreacting. That it was no big deal. I began to cut myself. A fact that i have never told anyone before to this day. I was seriously depressed. In a grade of only 51 kids, i had two people that would talk to me. I only had 1 class with them. By the end of the year i was royally pissed. I brought a letter he gave me. Really sappy. Like hugely embarrassing. Two pages long and utterly hilarious! It was like i love you so much that my entire world revolves around you and i will always be there to see your beautiful smile light up my world. Anyway, i let his friends read it. They thought it was funny, but apparently not degrading enough to leave him. (Which i don’t really understand that was a damn good plan! Well i guess not really but…) That day i found out he had sent a video of a song i wrote to everyone in my grade. That song was something personal something i had taken the time out of my life to write and record. He said it was about him, it wasnt. Not to mention that there was no accompaniment and i dont have that great of a voice and my computer is old so i sounded like really bad. That incident still hurts like a fresh wound. I have never written a song since..Over the summer i begged, pleading, and cried trying to let my parents to let me switch schools. I was miserable. But they said no. So, 8th grade. Here we are, I suppose the bullying has stopped but the repercussions remain. I still don’t really talk to anyone else out of my nerd group of which i love everyone like my sisters<3 Cameron, Emma, and I have been through hell and back and they are the best people i have ever had the opportunity to know. And i honestly believe that i owe them my life. But still, none of the guys will ever be caught within a 10 foot pole of me. I am constantly worried about how i look or how much i weigh. But he and i don’t speak, not to insult not anything. I am invisible to him and everyone else. I doubt things will ever change between us. He ruined my life. And i will never, ever forget it.

For whoever reads this, keep hope. Message me if you need help with anything. Message me if you just want to talk. Message me if you want to know more. I will never judge or think your problems are insignificant, Because they’re not. Everyone has a story and everyone deserves to be heard, no matter what<3