Will You Forgive Me

A Story by

A short story about depression and love.

His eyes were so beautiful when they stare into mine. They were blue like a full moon in the black of the night. They would gaze into my soul like I’m the only person who matters in the world. His thumb would strokes my cheek while his other hand would grasp mine. He would glance at me again and I couldn’t help but blush.
I had to watch him suffer. I had to watch him weep. I had to watch him die.
He was so sad. Every night he would sit on the edge of the lake and cry. I had to watch each tear tumble off his face. Each tear carefully sizzling on his cheek.
“Did you understand my pain? Did you ever even understand me?”
I promised him I would do whatever he wanted. I promised him anything. Anything to get him out of his misery. But he asked me the wrong thing. That one thing that I would never want to do to anyone. He begged me. He pleaded on his knees. Eventually, I gave in. I did what he asked me, the unthinkable.
Sometimes when it’s really quiet I think I hear him whisper my name. When he says it he whispers it with joy knowing that I saved him from the cruel world.
When I look at the sky all I want to do is join him. So he can kiss me again and we can have all those summers again where we swam in the lake all day and giggled when he’d kiss me.
So I sit here and think. Looking at the little paper in my hands. Flipping it between my fingers, over and over again. I look down at his body, bloody from the rusty knife. The knife clatters to the the ground. His warm blood stains my hands, painted on my body like a tattoo. I can’t decide if I want to read the note or not. A tear forms in my eye. I open the note, but can’t read it with the water shining in my eyes. I wipe the tears away and look down. More tears coming down and dripping down onto the note like a waterfall, smudging it.

Please move on in life without me. You don’t have to forgive me for what I made you do. If it makes you feel better, it’s better this way. No one in life will miss me now.
No one but me. I think in the back of my mind.
No one will ever even remember I was here. So move on in life without me.
-C
The tears slow to a drip. Did he ever even care about me? I hear the sirens in the background. I get up knowing it’s time to go.

No one understands my pain. They look at me and think, “Who’s that emo girl in the back of the room.” They think I’ll get over him. They think I’ll move on with my life. So as I look up into the midnight sky sitting on the beach of the lake. I whisper, “Will you still love me when I find you up there?” “Will you still love me knowing I couldn’t live without you?” “Will you still love me if I end up in Hell?”
“Will you forgive me?”
So that’s what I did. I forgave myself as I slipped into the unforgiving darkness of the bottom of the lake. Only leaving a little note on the surface.

Look at me now
Look what you did
Do you see the blood on my hands
Do you see the pain in my eyes
That’s what happens

Goodbye world. I forgive you for being the worst nightmare ever.