AWASH IN THINGS UNSEEN

Of belief & disbelief in unseen things...And to those whose eyes are open wide to the realms of the shadows of good & evil, and those whose are locked shut...Of one man who uses lies & logic to hide..

I WONDER AS I DRIFT HERE LOST IN THUNDEROUS IMAGINATIONS

IF SEEING GHOSTS IN EVERY CORNER TIS MAD MAN’S ABBERRATION

THE DREAMING DAYS BLEED INTO NIGHT AWASH IN THINGS UNSEEN

AND YET I SEE BEYOND THICK FROST THROUGH OTHERS’ MYSTERIES

THE SLEEPING MAN SHALL WIELD HIS LOGIC LIKE A MIGHTY SWORD

BUT ALL THE WHILE HIS EYES ARE SHUT TO TRUTHS HE CAN’T AFFORD

HE SMEARS HIMSELF IN EVIL LIES TO TWIST TRUTH INTO THEORY

YET ALL THE WHILE THE UNDERWORLD EXISTS AMIDST THOSE HEARING

THE SECRET PATH THAT OPEN EYES ENVISION IS NEVER LOST

AND THOSE WHO SEEK ITS TRUTH AVAIL TO PAY ITS HEAVY COST

I WONDER STILL WHILE DRIFTING LOST IN THUNDEROUS IMAGINATIONS

IF LIGHT AND DARKNESS EVEN CROSS THEIR LOGICAL CONTEMPLATIONS

Reviews

[LostBoy]

Best piece I've read so far. I dig the rhymes and flow. Trapped in dark and being lost. Everybody search for light and truth. I've been there in the corners. Can you blame me?
The better path will open up to you finding yourself in the sight of belief. That's where it led me. Enlightening to me to find myself PARTLY in this ghost of a man you write about but light has washed me purer already. My attempt to leave a less shallow review, ms.

[M. L. F.]

I believe the better path opens up to you when you die to yourself / flesh and let in the light that consumes and cleanses. The light that causes us to want to remove our logic blinders and raise our eyes upwards with new sight... not physical sight, but eyes of faith which we can use to put and keep us on that path less traveled..

Thank you for the kind review.. This is my favorite older piece.

Misty

[LostBoy]

My favourite too. Well put Misty. I relate to your pov.

Lovely Name btw.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Your words certainly describes the depth of imagination. "The sleeping man shall wield his logic like a mighty sword"

[M. L. F.]

I appreciate the review. Yes, the sleeping man uses his logic to defend all that he does, to make sense of evil by it's use. That is why his logic becomes a mighty sword, because what can be more dangerous than people learning to excuse evil with logic and theory. Then all becomes right, when there is no wrong.... He sleeps on purpose, shutting his eyes to what he deep down, knows is the truth... to the truth he cannot, himself handle.

[M.E.Lyle]

This sounds like one of our political campaigns going on now here in America. It's dark and dreary, much like our future.
I loved this phrase,"But all the while his eyes are shut to truths he can't afford."
Great stuff.

[M. L. F.]

Hahaha!!! Hilarious! Yes true, I think it is pretty bleak for you guys these days back in the good old US of A... ;) I used to live there, I know.. But yes, I'm a huge Poe fan, so in poetry I like it dark.. lol Thanks for the review, and glad you liked that line, and hopefully the work ha. :)

[Stephen]

Fabulous. One of my fav. Poetry. Liked... even loved the composition of your words. Rhythmic pattern is whole what makes your write rhythmically reading. Deep thoughts. Extraordinary visions. And a very beautifully presented poetry you come up with. Keep up the great work!

[M. L. F.]

Thank you sir..

[Elise Anton]

"thunderous imaginations"... two long words at the end don't read well with me?
*Capitalise your 'i's or keep them all small? Richy does this a lot lol.
'tis' - Can I ask why you used this word?
"through others' mysteries"

Yeah. Like it overall, just the long words in first line and two last lines don't flow well? Could you say 'thunderous imagining'? It would mean changing the end of the second line then...

You rhyme some lines yet not others. Is this intentional?

[M. L. F.]

Where to start... The I capitalization was a typo, my word program is doing something odd and if I don't pay attention, then I get these errors. Thanks for pointing it out ha... Tis, is a word I liked in the style of the poem, I found it fit. Through others mysteries, is very intentional as the context of the poem is also talking of a person who uses logic and theory as smoke and mirrors to lie and that the rest of the world may not see through the fog and his mysteries, but I DO. So that one really is key to the work. And about the changing of the last word from imagination to imagining it's a good thought, but imagination is a key word in the poem as the poem is about distinguishing between fact or fiction, imagination or reality, sanity and madness, so maybe another word in both sentences could be shaved shorter. The difference between the word I used and the word you suggested is that of only one syllable, so should be easy enough to change in each sentence, a less crucial word. And yes, the rhyming style is known as a "couplet"... and this is an explanation, which I copied and pasted here below:
Couplet is the name for two rhyming lines of verse following immediately after each other. The heroic couplet, popular in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries consists of two lines of rhyming iambic pentameter. As the last word in pairs of lines rhyme, then the next two rhyme, and so on... then yes this is intentional lol...
imaginations
aberration
unseen
mysteries
sword
afford
theory
hearing
lost
cost
imaginations
contemplation's
I will work on changing a word in both "thunderous imaginations" lines, so that it flows a bit shorter and with more fluidity. I will fix the capital I mistakes as well :) Thank you for the tips, and funny that Richy does the same :)

[Elise Anton]

'others mysteries' was only a gramatical thing, the ' at the end of others... (I should have been more clear lol) mY suggestion of imagining was an off the cuff thing, and I am sure you can do much better should you choose to do so :)

Re the rhyming, thanks for clearing it up. I don't do rgyming well, and may I suggest, for the technical stuff, you run it by Stefano, *ask Richy. He's the guru I bow to.

As I always say to everyone who asks for advice, accept, reject, tell me to shut up lol. We're all here trying to help each other better our craft. If I can point to a couple of easy to fix things, then I've saved you some hassle, and vice-versa :)

[M. L. F.]

Agreed :) I thank you for pointing out the mysteries mistake, I have no clue when to add the ' and when to not, lol. And yes Sir Stefano is amidst my friends here, but I didn't yet know he was the guru, so that is also helpful info ;) I will be sure to annoy him now and tell him that you sent me! ;) Lucky him... haha.. You surely helped me, I need an editor to live with me, would make my life much easier, and save me time googling things I should remember already as a writer. I have a spare bedroom upstairs... rent is cheap, interested? :)

[Elise Anton]

Oh I'd be there in an instant. It's 4.35am here, been up since 2, that's my life right now, looking after both ill parents as the 'night-shift crew', lol. I snatch sleep here and there and don't know where my circadian rhythm's gone to but I hope it's having a marvelous time wherever... So alas, I must decline :(

[M. L. F.]

Oh my, you sound like me, but for me it is 4:30 am in Holland, (American in Holland ;) when I go to bed, but because I need the silence to write and with a two year old son, I do not get much of that. So these days, trying to complete a novel and some shorts, means I get four and a half hours of sleep, rinse, repeat... Need to catch up this weekend, as writing on half brain is not so great a plan! Hope your parents are feeling better soon :( , and that you get some sleep too :)

[Elise Anton]

Oh it's been this way foer years now so my upside down and sideways life is kinda the norm... Besides, truth be told, I like these quiet dark hours. No distraction other than checking on both regularly. No construction noise outside, just peaceful... nothing.

[M. L. F.]

Sounds like ripe writing fruit, ready for the picking ;) Time to spill your ink...

[Elise Anton]

Haha, I have... (had to stop and count) 10 word docs open as we speak. I meander from one to the other as the mood strikes me...

[M. L. F.]

Ha! Me too... I have four open as we speak, which I jump between. Good to hear I am not the only crazy writer here...

[A. Amos]

One of the best I have read on this site...if you have published any book, I want buy a sign copy. Looking forward to read more of your work! This was Magnum-opus.

[Zoli Fern]

Love it!
You did a great job intertwining a thoughtful (that's not the right work--I can't put my finger on what I want to say) thread through the poem: "...man shall wield his logic like a mighty sword...". I also love the line "the secret path that open eyes envision is never lost". It transported me to remember that the path we're on is always there.
Thank you!

[M. L. F.]

Thanks Zoli, I am glad you got the vibe of it, and thank you for the read :)
Misty..

[Stefano Segnan]

Interesting perspective on this dichotomy. The eerie atmosphere utilised on one part in contrast to the other makes the differences more visible, well done. I really enjoyed reading it and musing on it.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much. I wanted the atmosphere to feel eerie so I am glad it the piece had that sensation.. Glad you enjoyed it!
Misty..

[Robert Parlange]

An eerie metaphor for our subconscious lives. The “id” if you will. My sleeping man wanders in my dreams and sometimes takes me to places I don't want to go; memories I thought were buried.

Very good. Has a Lovecraft feel to it.

[M. L. F.]

Aah... My very favorite fellow fiction writer emerges ;) Yes you are right, I had not thought of our Id, ego and super ego aspects... But yes, I agree that the little Tasmanian devil is at large here in the sleeping man. Though he is really a representation of a man who shields his own sin within the guise of "logic" and "theory", rather than take of his blinders and see the truth. The poem is about all of us as well, and how there are sort of two camps of people... The believers in what is out there, good and evil, paranormal and beyond... and those whose eyes are purposefully closed to the very thought of either... Thank you for the lovely compliment! :)

[Robert Parlange]

Oops! Misinterpreted that one. You're right, closed minds do miss a lot of cool stuff. I visited a reportedly haunted house once. I really wanted to meet a ghost. Unfortunately the only spirits I found were in the liqueur bottles. Oh well. I'll keep looking.

[M. L. F.]

Ha!! I grew up in three separate houses with haunting experiences... I think maybe the haunting things were following me, rather than landing upon three haunted houses ;) I have always wanted to ghost and ghoul hunt! My father, knowing I loved to write and imagine, raised me on his personal book collection, which consisted of the horror and suspense greats like King, Koontz, and Rice... I think we have kindred writer souls, and nothing wrong with the other spirits you found, in moderation ofc... I sure hope you keep looking for the scarier spirits, I KNOW they exist.. :)

[ms. barrie]

amazing write...insightful...enriched imagery {that's quite unique}
... intriguing and mystical...mixed with a subtle hint of darkness.
love the title. Thank you for sharing

I also thank you for subscribing. looking forward to reading more
of your ink drops (:

~ x - barrie

[M. L. F.]

Thank you for the kind words. Poetry is sort of new to me, It's fiction I love... Mainly horror, which is where the darkness seeps through. But this one had a lot of deep symbolism for me. I know the sleeping man all too well. Thank you for taking the time to drink my ink. ;)
.... Misty

[ms. barrie]

you're very welcome, enjoyed the read - take care (:

[ms. barrie]

I enjoy horror as well...well meandering around the dark side (macabre)...
sounds like we have similar interests (:

you're off to a great start...I look forward to reading more of your
art. happy writings (:

~ x - barrie

[M. L. F.]

And I look forward to sharing...