WATCHING

WATCHING

A Poem by M. L. F.
"

A POEM CONNECTED WITH A LARGER WORK IN PROGRESS

"

On the edge of a razor just outside of doom,

an evil thing lingers, in darkness it blooms.

Searching the tangible, nothing was seen,

only the tepid pools mirror-like sheen.

While the tune of a piano struck an off-key

the horror now growing was watching her sleep.

As tension was gaining with treacherous pace

she caught a quick glimpse of the eyes with no face.

Sleeping, wrapped tight under cover of sheets

she felt creeping fingertips touching her feet.

And screaming, the fingertips all went away,

The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…


© 2016 M. L. F.



Author's Note

M. L. F.
Just trying to set the proper atmosphere for a novel I am working on. I would like to stick my toes in the water with a horror / suspense / thriller poem, as that is the genre of the larger piece. Hope the poem is headed in the right direction....

My Review

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Featured Review

WOW. You nailed it!
I am not into horror...but this sent a shiver down my spine.
I loved the imagery...it came alive. The line: the horror now growing was watching her sleep...was awesome.
Loved this line too: And screaming, the fingertips all went away,/The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…
Very nicely done. Whatever novel this goes with, will be awesome.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ReedWrite

1 Year Ago

LOL...sharpening my pens now.
Never fear. Got your six, M. L.
M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Lol... PERFECT! And I, yours. ;) Now Misty is off to bed. Its 2:30 AM here in Holland. The Ame.. read more
ReedWrite

1 Year Ago

Night, Misty. Sleep well.
Pam


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Reviews

I'm a bit drunk right now, but this is amazingly written. The scheme, structure, flow, etc. All good!


Posted 1 Year Ago


Deff headed in the right direction. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much.. ;) I have been really busy and remiss in finishing the short story... I edit .. read more
very good very well written

Posted 1 Year Ago


M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Thank you Genocide. It is a fine compliment..
..Misty
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FIN
You should play around more with your line work, to add more suspense... Idk if this will paste as I copied it, but notice the pace at which it moves, giving and taking just enough to suspend the reader and making them want more.

On the edge of a razor just
Outside of doom,
An evil thing lingers, in
Darkness it blooms.
Searching the tangible,
Nothing was seen,
Only the tepid pools mirror-
Like sheen.
While the tune of a piano
Struck an off-key
The horror now growing was
Watching her sleep.
As tension was gaining with
Treacherous pace
She caught a quick glimpse of
The eyes with no face.
Sleeping, wrapped tight
Under cover of sheets
She felt creeping fingertips
Touching her feet.
And screaming, the fingertips
All went away,
The eyes, ever watching,
Were watching their prey…

Posted 1 Year Ago


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FIN
So suspenseful and thrilling and exciting. Great work, had me on the edge of my toes from start to finish.

Posted 1 Year Ago


M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Why thank you ;) I'd usually kill you for such a shift in my work, (jk) but, the suggestion you off.. read more
FIN

1 Year Ago

Sorry, Misty! It was all done out of love and enjoyment of your work! I loved it as is, just thought.. read more
M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Awww... *Melts*. No worries.. Too cute. I'm sorry. I was smiling the whole time I read your revie.. read more
You set the scene well here I think. It seems you could go darker or lighter from that or even mix up both. Thanks.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Thank you.. There certainly are a lot of options. :) Thank you for reading my work.
..Mis.. read more
Good luck on your novel. You have me waiting to see what happens and I'm not necessarily a fan of horror stories. You reminded me of being a child and thinking the monsters couldn't get you as long as you were under the covers.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

That is a huge compliment, because that is exactly what I had hoped to achieve. That is the entire .. read more
This was awesome is have to say...the wording you have used is so well executed and so damn creepy. A great sense of unease of someone watching came over by the bucketload. This piece you could eaisly turn into a book. Your usage of words are a perfect fit.

Big kudos to you.

Mark.

Posted 1 Year Ago


M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much Mark. Sounds cheesy, but to me, writing is about imagery and emotion and one of t.. read more
Woah! Sounds like a horror scene here. Loved the imagery here.☺

Posted 1 Year Ago


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...
Precisely delivered chill, line 6 is just sublime that literally gave me goosebumps. Brilliant piece. Starz

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M. L. F.

1 Year Ago

Why thank you Starz Goosebumps intended. ;)

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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on June 17, 2016
Last Updated on June 21, 2016

Author

M. L. F.
M. L. F.

American writer in the Netherlands....



About
"True suspense, true... terror, doesn't jump in your face with a hockey mask. No, no...It starts very, very slowly, creeping up your spine and into the space where your hair trickles onto your neck.".. more..

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A Poem by M. L. F.



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