HIS STONE BESIDE THE SEA

I saw him there, upon his stone,
his stone beside the sea.
And great was he, in pensive thoughts -
and swollen heart for me.
He thought I couldn't feel the heat -
of feelings growing bright.
He pulled himself back from the flame -
to cover up his pride;
protect himself from drowning in unreal intensity.
A depth he only grazed -
the way the wind blows sand to sea.
I'll wait here for his head to hear -
what his heart already says.
To know more than my surface shows -
Possibilities unsaid...

Reviews

[.]

Wow, Misty! So very different from your usual tone.

Laden with longing romance and a pensive mood, this has a lovely soothing quality to it.

This man, like a Merman upon a stone, who invokes strong feelings of desire within you, yet he himself is aware of this desire from within but is unsure how to truly communicate it on the outside.

There are some very lovely lines in this one; it truly gives off a feeling of serenity and patience. And unless there is a sharpened conch hidden under that stone, not a blade in sight! So refreshing! ;).

I really enjoyed the change of tone and it is great to have you back contributing again. Fine work.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you.. This means a lot Doodley :)

Not a knife in sight.. Not for this person, anyway.. ;)

[PhoenixDown]

your writing stands the test of time

[Nigel Newman]

Thanks for commenting on my work. So I thought I'd look at some of yours.

I like this. As others have said, the rhythm is almost like waves ebbing and flowing. Then in the final couple of lines you turn from looking and describing to action, and the rhythm changes a little. I'd suggest a line break or something to separate these last lines from the strict meter of the first 6 paired lines. BTW I hope that he did become aware of his heart and that the possibilities were eventually explored. For me, there's a sort of similarity in its change to the final stanza of Frost's Road not taken.

The 'story' itself is very evocative. The sea's sound, the open-ness and emptiness - they stimulate dreams and clearer perspectives in most of us, probably because we relax.

Favourite line? The way the wind blows sand to sea.

Nice work!
Nigel

[BBP]

The flow was very soft and romantic and complimented the words perfectly. Well written.

[M. L. F.]

Aww, thank you :) I am glad to hear that the poem resonated with you.

[Jacob Clifford]

The tone lends itself very well to the topic. It has an air of mystique and romance throughout. The setting also is very fitting for the topic: an ocean side view of this event.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you Clifford... :) I think you really understood the whole idea and mood behind this one... even nailed the point behind the imagery!

[Relic's Bare Trees]

I like this. The words are well chosen.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much. I appreciate the review..