A Storm for an Airplane

A Story by Rogelio Chavez

Wayne sat down in the uncomfortable seat that was called D45. He enjoyed the fact that it was right by the window and didn’t have to sit between two annoying people. He looked out the window and saw the night filled with shining stars and imaged tomorrow during the day that he would arrive. The only part why he hated overseas trips was the airplane rides. He couldn’t tolerate the loud noise, the turbulence, and the annoying flight attendants. He sat down and waited for everyone else to sit down before the plane could take off. He took out his iPod and turned on his music to full blast to block out the noise of the people.

He thought off how wonderful it would be if a road was built over the ocean. He rather drive over than to take a plane. He didn’t like to drive a lot but preferred to drive than to fly, but his parents were a good enough reason to take a plane to visit them overseas.

Everyone has sat down in their assigned seat and Wayne watch as the flight attendant gave the same information that he had heard before. He watched the seat belt sign turned on. As the plane started to take off, Wayne gripped on to his handle and closed his eyes. His stomach started doing somersaults. He felt his blood travel down to his feet as the plane went up. He thought of his house back home. Before he knew it the seat belt sign turned off and the plane was flying horizontally.

“It’s okay it open your eyes,” Wayne heard next to him. He opened his eyes and looked at the young women next to him.

“Oh, thank you for telling that part was over,” Wayne thanked her and went back to listening to his iPod. Later he felt a finger poking his left arm. Great, this person will make this ride worse, he thought.

“Yes.”

“I hate these long ride and the way to make the time go faster is by talking,” she answered, “So since there is nobody sitting next to me besides you, I guess you’re the person I have to talk to.”

“Look…” Wayne started

“Kimberly,” she stated.

“I hate these rides too and the way I deal with them is by listening to music”, he continued, “so…

“I know! These airplane rides are terrible and I wish that like they would build a highway over the ocean. Do you know what I mean?” She interrupted.

“Yes I do. The only reason I come out his to visit my parents in Spain. I always come for my and their birthday. Lucky for me their birthdays are 8 days apart so I only have to come twice.”

“Who’s birthday did you come for?” Kimberly asked.

“Mine. I just turned 20. The reason I come to Spain is I have no other family in the USA.” He explained.

“Oh, is all your family…” She was asking until turbulence interrupted her. The turbulence got worse and worse. The seat belt sign came on.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please take seat as we just hit a storm.” The pilot commanded, “There is no need to worry.”

“This is why I don’t like the planes,” said Wayne, “I wish…” the turbulence came back. Lights were flickering on and off while the attendants were struggling to stand up as they were telling people to put on their seat belts. The plane suddenly dropped for a few feet and the flight attendants smashed into the ceiling. Wayne watch them struggle to their feet and head to their seats. Another violent shake made luggage fall. Wayne looked besides him to fine Kimberly unconscious.

Soon Wayne felt his body falling to his right. The plane was tipping over. The turbulence only got worse and worse. He could hear the people panicking wishing that it would all end know. He looked outside his window and saw a flash of lightning hit the right wing of the plane. The right engine soon engulfed in flames. From there he knew he was going to be dead.

Next Wayne heard this huge noise. The engine exploded in which tore the plane in three parts. He could see the two other pieces falling to the ground. With adrenaline rushing through his body, he took off his seat belt and watch water splash in the air plane, quickly filling every space of the plane with water. He began swimming but couldn't find a way to get to the surface. He watch below him the other people drown wanting for air. His chest quickly filled with pain and soon he was too weak to move. He felt his body float through the water and then he felt his body floating upward. He finally was going to get air. He used the last of his energy to swim up toward the surface. He swam and swam until he got until up to the surface. He gasps in large amount of air. Never had he enjoyed the oxygen so much. He got his air and looked around for other survivors. He didn’t see anything but endless bodies of water.

5 days later. Wayne just surviving on the ocean salt water and air heard a boat. He looked around a saw a boat headed his direction. He yelled but gave up as he had no more energy left to yell. He just watched as the boat came to his rescue. He let himself be grabbed from his arm and pulled up on the safety. The rescuers put a blanket around him and Wayne could only think of getting on land.

© 2010 Rogelio Chavez

Author's Note

A story i had to write for class. might as well post it.

My Review

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Reviews

Taylor H.

I thought you a lot of things about this story.
1. you used he a lot
2. you told instead of showed a lot
3. I think you need to re-word some sentences, like "Wayne sat down in the uncomfortable seat that was called D45" to "Wayne found his seat: D45. After siting down, he began to worry just how grand this plane ride would be, sitting in such an uncomfortable seat." something like that.
4. re-read this out loud and fix the awkward sentences
5. fix the dialogue...read it out loud
6. if someone had their birthday 8 days away from someone else's birthday, I would just stay 9 days in Spain so you only need one trip instead of 2. Its pointless to ride back and forth so close together.
7. thought it needed more emotion
8. doesn't feel finished.