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Neutered

Neutered

A Poem by Xuru
"

I sat in a steam room eavesdropping on old men. One of them spoke of going on vacation and my mind filled in the blanks for a poem about it.

"
Fat men with pull string swim trunks wade in the tide of summer days and exotic legs.

The trips to Cabo run dry and the tan lines blister into road signs down to faded arm bands.Their gaze holds true under the brims of hats sewn from bug bitten locals, green rubber crocs with souls lit from the coals above so below.

While the wives lie and search the skies for more, the fat men bury their toes in sand and the exotic legs close from where they began.

© 2017 Xuru



Author's Note

Xuru
Thoughts? I love to hear feedback.

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Reviews

I wish this was a longer story.if felt like a drive by rather than being able to enjoy the view.the details were superb but give me more...

Posted 1 Day Ago


Try reading between the lines..

A short story wrapping a novel perhaps!? Your details are ready ripe to lure your readers- certainly have, will. There are truths to be found throughout, not pretty but real as real. Fine writing, different.. unique even with touches of applause due.

Posted 1 Month Ago


That's awesome. For real. I got nothing else.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Xuru

1 Month Ago

Haha thanks Mr. Kessle.
Love the detail. It really places the reader. Could almost feel their hairy paunches.

"green rubber crocs"

"wives lie and search the skies for more"

I love these lines because they brim with meaning stirring below the apparently shallow facade of postcards

Posted 3 Months Ago


Xuru

1 Month Ago

Late to reply, but thank you for the nice words.

Glad you got something out of it.
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JC
dam, really dig the flow of this, like poetic stream of consciousness ala Kerouac-ian style..the title tied in is hilarious. great read man.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Xuru

4 Months Ago

Thanks a ton brah.
I like the originality. Try reading it without all of the 'the' words and tell me what you think. I personally feel the 'the' words are not necessary and detract from what you have written. Great writing is alway tight like speedo's on a fat man ;)

Posted 4 Months Ago


Xuru

4 Months Ago

Haha. Very true.
Great poem. :) I can't help but giggle because you got this idea from old men in a steam room. You could turn this into a full fledged story.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Xuru

4 Months Ago

I'm glad you liked this one too.

2 for 2 is good, right?
Raven Moonchild

4 Months Ago

It is indeed. lol :)
This, to me, sounds more like an exert from a book than a poem. It is worded differently than how most people would put it but... definitely intriguing.

Posted 7 Months Ago


its cool but i dont quite get it. are you saying that the women are doing all the work while these fat men just sit there watch them and relax?

Posted 7 Months Ago


Observer to the silent communications, habitual dances and secret thought that can be read in a mere glance. Most of what we communicate is non- verbal. To the keen watcher all is apparent or is it ?? This is a beautiful write on that which is surreal and cannot be mistaken. I would place a bet that you could do the same simply writing of a toaster. The thing that separates a poet from the ordinary is what we see that others do not. And when we put it in words it evokes an emotion. You have done that here, Very good. Thank you for sharing and God Bless

Sheer Terror

Posted 7 Months Ago



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653 Views
17 Reviews
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Added on February 26, 2017
Last Updated on July 7, 2017
Tags: Vacation, poetry, poems, writing, xuru, cabo, women, lies, old, men

Author

Xuru
Xuru

Canada



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