Calm Before a Storm

Another assignment =D my challenge was to describe something in nature without giving away what it was.

Their rims are glowing,

the light is fading.

Bubbly black centers are bowing.

 

Still far way, their rumbles cry.

The power is building.

Small flickers of light die.

 

An onward breeze tickles my face.

Trees bow and rustle.

A field becomes a quiet place.

 

The flower pollen is fresh,

strong and clean.

The clouds begin to bunmp and mesh.

 

My eyes flutter close and i lifet up my gaze.

Feeling the calm.

This is where the sky's gift lays.

 

Author's Note

yeah, the set up it weird. but i like it =P

Reviews

[zainul]

Amazing work,Heidi
Love how you have captured the excitement and panic before the storm.
Take care of these words.
bunmp

lifet

[Clockwork]

I like your use of triplets and the way you establish your rhyme. I think that your rhymes feel natural and create a fluid sound throughout the piece. I also really liked your use of alliteration in line three.

On top of those things, I thought the images you created were organic and fresh. I felt that they really breath and make the piece come to life. I loved reading this poem.

[deeps]

Very descriptive and well written.
I thought the set up was wonderful.
I really enjoyed your last two stanza's.
Wonderful write here.

[17thWhitePrince]

The poem is well written and well thought out ... you really capture what takes place ... you really capture the "calm before a storm".

[just is]

You are very poetic I like your skills for writing you are very talented. I like your style.

[Bee]

Great imagery! The description was beautiful.

[Arthur Crow]

Dreamy and very descriptive, it was easy to get lost in the flow of your words.
Well expressed!

[THE BLACK SEAL]

i liked the set up. i think ths one was really well done.. lift was misspelled and just as a suggestion how about soemthing like this...
Still far way, their rumbles cry.

The power is building.

Small flickers of light die.


Still far away, their rumbling cries
building in power
as flickering light dies


I don't know just a suggestion....good write

[Static C]

I especially like how you did this by first setting yourself a challenge. I find that when I have specific goal in mind when I begin to write that I am better able to focus my thoughts. Your use of Imagery in this piece was almost palpable. I found myself in a field remembered from my childhood just an hour before a massive storm front had rolled in from the mountains. I think the true goal of writing is to get the audience to connect with us in some way, and you certainly achieved that for this observer. Don't sell yourself or your talent short. The truth is that talent is much like genius 99 percent perspiration and only 1 percent inspiration. Keep working at it and you will see that it gets easier the more you write.

[Hold Fast Hope]

I really like this a lot. I like the imagery you get of a calm before the storm. Hopefully you got an A+ on the assignment. And KEEP writing.