Bite

I'm obsessed with vampires right now. xD Enjoy~

Come

Please

Hurt me

Punish me

I deserve it

I need it

I want it

 

My skin is oh so soft

My lips a cherry red

My throat is bare and waiting

For your touch

Your fangs

Your bite

Please come bite me

I won’t struggle I promise

I want the pain

 

I am your prey

I am your slave

My neck is angled right

You have easy access

Don’t you want to kiss me

just once?

 

You whisper my name against my skin.

Your hands search my warm body

I am under your spell

Just do it

Just bite me

I want to be yours forever.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i love the phenom of people who are just "dying" to be bitten by a vamp and share their secrets ...and the eternal life and impressive powers thing. people are basically quite oral and mainly carniverous....therein lies the rub. this is a good write, a little optimistic and free hearted but, that is what makes it uniquely yours. well done, top writer! (yes, i saw you on the top writer page)

[♪Kinnixk ♫]

Seriously? Awesome! Thanks for reviewing! :D

[quinfinn]

go to "writers" and click on "home" then scroll down.....top writers list! and...you are welcome.

[Ed Fagan]

Honest opinion? okay, (from a non professional)
Its erotic and inviting but a bit straightforward and bare-boned. I know you have talent by reading your other work (as well as this) you didn't head to the "simplistic rhyme theory" which is a giant plus. I would love to watch as you get the hang of it and mature. (not that I see myself as such) Please write more. :)

[♪Kinnixk ♫]

Thank you Ed :)

[Eagle Cruagh]

My honest opinion ? OK. I think this is extremely
sensuous, arousing, exciting----- not in the sense of
bloodthirsty, but rather the tender body, the sweet
girl asking to be hurt, touched .
One has the feeling the writer is lonely , in need of
tenderness and loving.
This is a wonderful poem, an exquisite creation.
Thank you,
---- John

[Zorina]

I like it. It's very descriptive and you can feel the narrator's emotions which isn't always the case with peoms. Good job!

[~LadyWolf~]

Very intense ~ I like it a lot :)

[Zombie Waffle]

I like the twisted kind of adoration in this - great work.
It really sends it back towards the old-fashioned, hypnotised nature of the older vampire flicks.

[Laura Maidah]

I'll be honest. I'm not normally this excited about your normal love poem with vampirical elements. This is a great twist on a well-known trend. I like the "slave" angle you used. It's very savage and feral. Nice. My only issue is in the last stanza. "You whisper" has a present tense verb. The second line has a gerund, "searching". I'm fairly certain it should be "search" to keep in consistent. Great read!

[MoriartyMesa]

I like the dark and violent but sexual tension in this

[RedInk524]

Do not worry about being new at poetry, we all have to start from somewhere. While i wont give the often expected "this is great" review, i wont say that is is entirely bad either. Instead, i will honestly say that while you do show the effort and will, you would do much better to avoid being cliche and teenish (although for the topic of vampires its kinda hard not to be, lol). When writing, try to write something that you have never seen before, something that you know people wont glance at and know the whole poem before they read it.
Also, to increase flow i suggest making an attempt at rhyming and to avoid using different colors and fonts throughout the poem. Veteran poets are often annoyed when seeing a poem with random colors and fonts that change. There is nothing wrong with using a different font, just be sure to use it throughout the poem so that the flow isnt jagged.

Mit der Zeit werden Sie ein besserer Dichter zu werden. ;)