Psychopath

Psychopath

A Poem by Adora.xo
"

Um... Probably one of the creepiest pieces i've ever written o.o.. oops?

"

He watches her through

Silver shadowed eyes,

He hears her every breath

And her breathless sighs.

 

He follows the taste of

Her rhythmic blood flow,

Following the hunger for soft flesh

And a thirst for blood only he would know.

 

He stalks the arousing curiosity

Of how it may feel to touch her skin,

He walks calmly after her

Dying to commit this blood-lust-sin.

 

He prowls behind her silently

Through dark alleys at night,

Following her perfumed scent

Chasing her out of sight.

 

He watches her through

His killer pale eyes,

He listens to her last breath

And bristles excitedly as she dies.


© 2009 Adora.xo



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Featured Review

Hi,
I really wanted to read this, as I like the slightly eerie poems.
In regards to the atmosphere I feel it had been created very well. The poems comes across slightly unnerving and the imagery conjured is effective, particularly the first and third stanza, which I really enjoyed.
I like ‘He hears her every breath, And her breathless sighs..’, it’s almost like getting into the head of the character that you have created. Sometimes however I feel the poem is removed from this ‘psychopaths mind’ to a third person and sort of flits back and forth. I think it would be more effective if the author and the ‘psychopath’ are one of the same.
Also, not really a criticism, but as a preference, I think this would be an amazing poem if it wasn’t so structured. If it was broken and not as rigid, I think it would give it an air of breathlessness, heightening the eeriness. You know, the eagerness of ‘psychopath’, like you’re inside the characters head. The fragmented thoughts of someone a little crazy.
Overall however I still very much liked the poem. It was very good!


Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Reading this put me into the headspace of what I'd like to refer to as the "classic killer." y'know, like the original My Bloody Valentine or Bates Motel, along those lines. I like the fact that the style you've written this is shattered. Very much like someone driven to do one thing and one thing alone, but I do have to say this is a bit of a pitfall as well. The last stanza and the fourth one, I think, need some more cushion between them. Perhaps you wanted to make this into a mysterious, jack-the-ripper-vibing poem, but I would say that adding an additional stanza would create much more mystery and depth to the piece. I hope I made sense to you! Overall, great piece, but could definitely be better! :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


well written, I to am a writer of the macabre and questionable. Nothing wrong here mate, don't forget to pick you teeth.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I love this! I really would like to get more of an insight on the character but then at the same time, it leaves mystery. I would definitely read a longer version with more detail x

Posted 3 Years Ago


Hi,
I really wanted to read this, as I like the slightly eerie poems.
In regards to the atmosphere I feel it had been created very well. The poems comes across slightly unnerving and the imagery conjured is effective, particularly the first and third stanza, which I really enjoyed.
I like ‘He hears her every breath, And her breathless sighs..’, it’s almost like getting into the head of the character that you have created. Sometimes however I feel the poem is removed from this ‘psychopaths mind’ to a third person and sort of flits back and forth. I think it would be more effective if the author and the ‘psychopath’ are one of the same.
Also, not really a criticism, but as a preference, I think this would be an amazing poem if it wasn’t so structured. If it was broken and not as rigid, I think it would give it an air of breathlessness, heightening the eeriness. You know, the eagerness of ‘psychopath’, like you’re inside the characters head. The fragmented thoughts of someone a little crazy.
Overall however I still very much liked the poem. It was very good!


Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I usually enjoy a style and subject like this but what you were attempting was a psychological creation of personal emotions mostly fear guiding your pen. As if its a really bad slasher film made for its shock value only. I feel its lacking the psychological thriller aspect that I enjoy.

In other words. Yes, the mad man cuts as does the wolf in the wild savagely tear its prey apart. But still it remains why does he cut? Why does he do what he does? Is it out of lust, pain, or the reality that damages his reality. I feel you starching the surface of what scares us. However you have found the beast of the wild. A beast and monster who kills as is it's nature but you are lacking the aspect that applies especially to slashers alone which is the mental aspect which I feel you completely ignored.
Your are close but not quite there.

Posted 4 Years Ago


UndeadWill

4 Years Ago

Any suggested reading?
Adora.xo

4 Years Ago

Erm well anything that catches your attention really :)
UndeadWill

4 Years Ago

Will do.
Alright, well this one's filled with logical contradictions. "Silver shadowed eyes"- what does that mean? Are his iris' silver? Is he wearing silver eye shadow? How can shadows be silver? Similarly, later on you say he has "killer pale eyes" by which I assume you mean he's a killer with pale eyes (which means...?) as opposed to the eyes being the killers all along.

Now, tell me, how does one sigh breathlessly? Sighing itself is exhaling. The two lines "He stalks...touch her skin," don't work together- how can you stalk an idea? He could stalk HER, with her being the "arousing curiosity", but he can't stalk his own thoughts.

And you can tell your poem has a few rhythmic errors when it takes the reader four stanzas to figure out it actually has a rhyme scheme.

Good premise, interesting and genuinely pretty tense. But put some thought into what you're actually saying.

-Half Blood Princes

Posted 5 Years Ago


Adora.xo

5 Years Ago

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for the review. It's refreshing to get actually receive some FEEDBACK.. read more
Adora.xo

5 Years Ago

And pardon any grammar related or spelling errors, I'm on a lot of medicine right now and fighting s.. read more
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Pax
indeed creepy and dark, enjoyed it.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Darkness falls on this killer poem. I like dark poems and poems that dive into feelings or emotions. This one had a touch of suspense and spookiness to it. Very well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


You my friend froze me and shattered me to pieces. This is one of the favorite poems I have ever read. The style put me in a certain perspective I always wanted to experience. Thank you now I wont have to go Kill anyone to feel your delicate masterpiece.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on December 25, 2009
Last Updated on December 25, 2009
Tags: Creepy, Poetry, Psychopath

Author

Adora.xo
Adora.xo

The One That's Non-Existant As Far As You're Concerned., British Columbia, Canada



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