Subtle Fears

Subtle Fears

A Poem by Hannah Rose
"

These fears are subtle, but they can push you over the edge.

"
Standing on the edge along subtle fears.               0
                                                                          /I
                                                                          /

They buzz around your ears, and your mind is unhinged.         Io
                                                                                            /I 
                                                                                          /|

They crawl beneath your skin, and they're making you cringe.
                                                                                            /
                                                                                           |/ 
                                                                                            0
Writing them down makes your bones ache.

Your knees jerk at a dream you shake.
 
And your body jump and jitters, as you think of crawling critters 
                                                                                                 o|
                                                                                                 /
                                                                                                  /

And your hands can't resist the tremble, as you envision flaky crumbles    |/ 
                                                                                                               |
Tingles up your spine, needles through your veins                                     |o

But you can't define the source of the pain.  

Nothing you do controls the urge, considerations of fears emerge 

You can't abort discomfort with unassembled effort       

                                                                                                                 0        
They bury themselves with anxious sensations,                                          /II      
and make a home in your contemplations.                                               /|     

© 2017 Hannah Rose



Author's Note

Hannah Rose
Any critiques would be highly appreciated!

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Featured Review

you have the makings of a gem with this poem. The only critiques I need make on this so that you could go on to make it a gem and tune it to perfection, it literally tune it a bit more, for the musicality is off in certain places (most notably in Line 5), and also I may have detected some grammar/spelling errors (such that confused me for I wasn't quite sure what you were wanting to say by phrasing the lines thus). But those are minor minor pettily minor compared to the major brilliance that IS this poem. The profundity, the internal rhymes - you expressed your message well across these lines. Well done!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hannah Rose

2 Months Ago

Thank you! Your critique is very helpful!
emipoemi

2 Months Ago

Glad I could be of service.



Reviews

I read of your intent... and teaching others an awareness of language and the abilities it empowers through understanding and usage is worthy of regard. What do you really intend to "say" within the lines of this poem? What did you intend for your listener to take away from it? Do you think the reader succeeded?

Do you want rhyming, rhythm, flow, free content... a freeform/verse? I've found if you read your writing (as it IS written) ALOUD and S L O W L Y you can easily pick up the stumbles AND test the word choice for suitability to your intent.



Posted 2 Months Ago


you have the makings of a gem with this poem. The only critiques I need make on this so that you could go on to make it a gem and tune it to perfection, it literally tune it a bit more, for the musicality is off in certain places (most notably in Line 5), and also I may have detected some grammar/spelling errors (such that confused me for I wasn't quite sure what you were wanting to say by phrasing the lines thus). But those are minor minor pettily minor compared to the major brilliance that IS this poem. The profundity, the internal rhymes - you expressed your message well across these lines. Well done!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hannah Rose

2 Months Ago

Thank you! Your critique is very helpful!
emipoemi

2 Months Ago

Glad I could be of service.

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Added on October 8, 2017
Last Updated on October 9, 2017
Tags: Fears, poem, edge

Author

Hannah Rose
Hannah Rose

TN



About
I am 19, a barista, and a student. I plan on teaching English as a second language in a foreign country after graduating college, and I love to write. I am also a Christian and hope to use my writing .. more..

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