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Subtle Fears

Subtle Fears

A Poem by H L Rose
"

These fears are subtle, but they can push you over the edge.

"
You stand on the edge along subtle fears

They are buzzing around you ears,
And your mind is being unhinged
They are crawling beneath your skin,
They are bringing you to the fringe

Writing them down is making your bones ache,
You’re Jerking you knees at that dream you shake

your body is jumping and jittering
As you’re thinking of crawlers crittering
Your hands are trembling
As you envision flaky crumbling

Tingling running up your spine,
needles shooting through your veins,
Searching but you can't define
The source of the stinging pain

Trying to control the urge
Considering of fears emerge

Unraveling to abort discomfort
Unassembling with your own effort

They’re burying themselves with anxious sensations
and making a home in your contemplations.

© 2018 H L Rose



Author's Note

H L Rose
Any critiques would be highly appreciated!

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Featured Review

two particular lines really send me spinning:
"writing them down makes your bones ache"
and "you can't abort discomfort with unassembled effort"

luckily we get to write...and we can write out so much of the pain...but the process...that shakes us to our core...we feel each word ten times over in our gut...
j.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

7 Months Ago

So true. Thanks for the review!



Reviews

I like your unique vision as a poet.
I guess here you depict the invasive nature of fear,
an emotion that is responsible for so may unreached potential, unachieved dreams, hopelessness and low self-esteem.

Thank you for sharing your unique perspective here. Through your words, thousands, millions will know that they're not alone; and that way, through self-realization, by God's Grace, they can reach their full potential.

WELL DONE

Posted 6 Months Ago


Musical, beautiful, and a standout. I was drawn in by the first few lines and stayed for the ride. Very well done.

Posted 6 Months Ago


two particular lines really send me spinning:
"writing them down makes your bones ache"
and "you can't abort discomfort with unassembled effort"

luckily we get to write...and we can write out so much of the pain...but the process...that shakes us to our core...we feel each word ten times over in our gut...
j.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

7 Months Ago

So true. Thanks for the review!
I read of your intent... and teaching others an awareness of language and the abilities it empowers through understanding and usage is worthy of regard. What do you really intend to "say" within the lines of this poem? What did you intend for your listener to take away from it? Do you think the reader succeeded?

Do you want rhyming, rhythm, flow, free content... a freeform/verse? I've found if you read your writing (as it IS written) ALOUD and S L O W L Y you can easily pick up the stumbles AND test the word choice for suitability to your intent.



Posted 10 Months Ago


you have the makings of a gem with this poem. The only critiques I need make on this so that you could go on to make it a gem and tune it to perfection, it literally tune it a bit more, for the musicality is off in certain places (most notably in Line 5), and also I may have detected some grammar/spelling errors (such that confused me for I wasn't quite sure what you were wanting to say by phrasing the lines thus). But those are minor minor pettily minor compared to the major brilliance that IS this poem. The profundity, the internal rhymes - you expressed your message well across these lines. Well done!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

Thank you! Your critique is very helpful!
emipoemi

10 Months Ago

Glad I could be of service.

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250 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 8, 2017
Last Updated on January 17, 2018
Tags: Fears, poem, edge

Author

H L Rose
H L Rose

TN



About
I am 20, a barista, and a student. I plan on teaching English as a second language in a foreign country after graduating college, and I love to write. I am also a Christian and hope to use my writing .. more..

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