Answer Me...

Answer Me...

A Poem by H L Rose
"

I’ll search for pointless conversations so I know your still there.

"
Last time I saw your face there was pain 
Your eyes with tears latent 

I feared I didn’t have the words to lighten your strife 
So simply offered my ears as guidance 

But I haven’t heard from you in days 
Even though it’s always been that way 
Please… answer me… 

Last time I saw your face it was plain 
Your eyes with stare vacant 

I feared I didn’t have the words to bring you to life 
Nor had you one on which we could balance 

Now I haven’t heard from you in hours 
Each tick of the clock grows louder 
Please… answer me… 

Last time I saw your face I saw shame 
Your eyes’ light had fainted 

I feared I didn’t have the words, it cuts like a knife 
The growing of sharp and searing silence 

Now I haven’t heard from you in minutes 
So shortened are my nerves limits 
Please… answer me… 

© 2019 H L Rose



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Author's Note

H L Rose
The rhyming is pretty far apart so I don’t know if it just sounds more like rambling.

My Review

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Featured Review

This is actually better than you think. In order to hear it's charm and magic, you have to follow the musicality. What are the more important words, and hit them hard when you land on them. The musicality would take care of the rest. For I love the theme of this! It's solemn and nostalgic, and I myself can relate to this antsy feeling of being left hanging, and the concern that it was perhaps because we had done something wrong. The spaced out rhymes is a nice touch, for it's how the musicality carries over them that is more important in poetry. The listened, spoken, silence "rhymes" is a bit of a stretch, mainly with the presence of silence because of the long 'i', whereas the others are closer in sound to each other pass for an assonance rhyme (a rhyme of similar sound but not the exact same). So that could use some revision. My main comment concerns the progression from "days" to "minutes". I couldn't understand that part. Why not the usual "minutes" to "days" progression, which is more powerful, and complements the mood of the poem? Unless the reason is clear or implicit in the poem itself, better to go "minutes" to "days". Much more effective.
Superbly done otherwise! Brava!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

1 Year Ago

Exactly. But careful not to go heavy on the exposition/explanation, for the poem is soooooo good as .. read more
emipoemi

1 Year Ago

......better........much better. :) Now the picture is clearer. Stanza 1b: "offer" should be in past.. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you! Good advice!



Reviews

"Please... answer me..." A line that anyone and everyone can relate to! We've all felt at some point in our lives as if we're gasping for air when waiting for a response from a particular person. Loved it so much, great job.

Posted 12 Months Ago


H L Rose

12 Months Ago

Thank you! I’m glad!
Enjoyed it! Well done it was very fluent.

Posted 1 Year Ago


H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thanks! I appreciate the review
"...eyes with tears latent."

Nice. Really nice.

And it does continue.

You seem to be creative, intelligent and disciplined. Do not stop writing for any reason. Hail satan.



Posted 1 Year Ago


David

1 Year Ago

It was my pleasure. Probably. It's been a month since I left that comment, I couldn't really tell .. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Ah, but it might be nice to remember things. 😆
David

1 Year Ago

Depends on the memory.
This is actually better than you think. In order to hear it's charm and magic, you have to follow the musicality. What are the more important words, and hit them hard when you land on them. The musicality would take care of the rest. For I love the theme of this! It's solemn and nostalgic, and I myself can relate to this antsy feeling of being left hanging, and the concern that it was perhaps because we had done something wrong. The spaced out rhymes is a nice touch, for it's how the musicality carries over them that is more important in poetry. The listened, spoken, silence "rhymes" is a bit of a stretch, mainly with the presence of silence because of the long 'i', whereas the others are closer in sound to each other pass for an assonance rhyme (a rhyme of similar sound but not the exact same). So that could use some revision. My main comment concerns the progression from "days" to "minutes". I couldn't understand that part. Why not the usual "minutes" to "days" progression, which is more powerful, and complements the mood of the poem? Unless the reason is clear or implicit in the poem itself, better to go "minutes" to "days". Much more effective.
Superbly done otherwise! Brava!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

1 Year Ago

Exactly. But careful not to go heavy on the exposition/explanation, for the poem is soooooo good as .. read more
emipoemi

1 Year Ago

......better........much better. :) Now the picture is clearer. Stanza 1b: "offer" should be in past.. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you! Good advice!

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4 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 7, 2018
Last Updated on February 11, 2019
Tags: Friend, poetry

Author

H L Rose
H L Rose

Who knows , 🤷‍♀️



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