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Jonah - The Boy with the Gun...

Jonah - The Boy with the Gun...

A Story by Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin
"

I wrote this because I am trying to spread awareness about Child Soldiers and how cruel it is for kids to become involved in it at really young ages...

"

Pitter! Patter! Patter! Pitter! The drizzle dampened the mud on the forest floor, often creating the peaceful music as it fell on the leaves, both dry and dead and soft and alive. Suddenly, it was broken into chaos as quick footsteps were heard cracking the dry leaves that had retired to the ground.


The little boy ran as fast as he thin famished legs could in the forest, caressing a big black gun close to his chest. His only weapon. He had to hurry. If he didn’t he knew very well that it would end. The youth had left his post and it wouldn’t be long before they found out. His punishment would be dire, but he didn’t care. He had to go and get her.


Low hanging soft branches and huge leaves slapped his small face. But all he could do was run. He was going back to the base, knowing he had to be careful. If they saw him there, he would be dead. But this was the risk he was willing to pay for fulfilling his little promise.

~~~***~~~

“Hannah, what happened?” the little boy said as he approached a girl standing outside taking down clothes from the line.


“Jonah! You shouldn’t be here, go back,” the girl hissed. She was only eight years old, but her tone matched nothing like her age, concerned and scared. Her body was trembling; her dress was shredded from the back.


Jonah looked at her back. Thick blood tried to ooze freely from the gashes caused by the whip they used to punish her. Anger burnt his insides. He wasn’t there to protect her. What a pathetic brother he was. The ten year old disregarded his baby sister’s words. “What did you do?”


Knowing her brother wasn’t going to leave, she slowly spoke with tears finally gushing out from her eyes, “I didn’t do anything. They came and screamed at me. I don’t know what I did.”


There was silence between them for a while, apart from for the girl’s sad, sorry sobs. 


“We can’t be like this anymore,” Jonah said as he put his hand behind her neck softly. His face was too grim for a young child like him. “We have to get out of here.”


“But we can’t! They’ll find us and kill us,” his little sister replied fearfully.


“Don’t worry, brother will find a way out. I will…”


~~~***~~~


The boy slowed down. He was getting closer. The same opening where he found her hurt, he was going to end this. “Hannah!” he whispered and waited as he hid behind the bushes. There was no reply. He waited as he counted till ten.


“Hannah,” he repeated again in hushed but in a more hurried tone. He counted till ten again. He didn’t come. He recounted till ten, hoping and praying that she would be coming now. But she didn’t. He called one last time, waiting for ten seconds. No arrival.


Worried, Jonah got out of his hiding place. Stealthily he made his way to where they usually kept his sister. He found some boxes and put them under the window sill, before stepping on them. He peered into the room through the bars and gasped. His sister lay on the ground, face down and trembling in a bloody mess.


“Hannah,” the boy whispered.


The girl didn’t move her head.


“Hannah!” Panic stricken, his grip on the bars tightened. He wanted to break in and hold her.


She moved her head slowly. Her eyes were blood shot with tears. “B-brother,” she stammered. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”


“It’s ok,” he said softly. “I’m here to take you away.”


Whimpers travelled into his ears, but he could not comprehend what they meant. He pushed his right arm between the bars, trying to reach for her. She slowly moved and crawled with strain towards the window. Her right arm reaching for his, she looked at him with teary eyes. “You go,” she sobbed.


“No,” he breathed. “I promised.”


Tears had started to well up in his eyes, but he knew he couldn’t show it to her. I can’t let her know I’m weak, he thought, and crying would make her think so. “I’m coming in.”


“No! Don’t! I’ll be ok. You GO!” Hannah screamed as loudly as she punctured lung could. She gradually pulled herself up using the window sill to support her weight, and grasped his arm. He held her arm tightly, not wanting to let it go. Pain and sorrow filled her eyes even though the small girl struggled not to show it to her elder brother. For someone so young, she knew that it would only make him more concerned. And he was.


Slowly he reached for his gun with his free hand. “Close your eyes, and say a prayer,” he whispered. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on her arm.

Hannah did as she was told, and her body’s shivering became worse. She whispered to her heart, Please, please, let my brother be free. Let Jonah be safe. Please, I want my ma and pa. Please, please. She looked at her brother one last time.


“Bye bye Hannah,” Jonah whispered softly. She could tell it was hard for him. Her eyelids covered her eyes, as she tightened her grip. She did not say a word, and everything was black.


Jonah pointed the barrel of his gun at her head. He had to do it quick. With his index finger wrapped around the trigger he closed his eyes, letting some of the tears break free from his hold and trickle down his cheeks. BANG!


There was a loud thud on the other side of the window as the boy fell backwards from the pressure of the gun. He clambered back to his knees, however, not daring to get back onto his feet to view his sin.


Jonah let a loud scream, piercing the silence that he so tried to maintain. Voices of adults could be heard, and barking of dogs raged in the background. Jonah grabbed the gun and loaded it. Tears now fell like rivers; he stared with blurred vision into the black hole of the barrel. So this was his escape.


~~~***~~~


“You must always take care of Hannah,” a man’s voice said.


“Papa!” an eight year old Jonah cried.


“Do it!” another man in the room said.


The boy looked at the body of his mother on the floor. Her beautiful hair was strewn in a mess. His father was nearby, incapacitated, unable to move. Both his legs were shot at. He looked at his son sternly. Jonah took a step towards his father. “Always remember,” his father said again. “The two of you only have each other now.”


“Papa, don’t say this…”


“Kill him boy! You don’t want to see your sister harmed now do you?” the other man ordered. Tall and strong built; the man quickly grabbed the boy’s arm that held the pistol. He helped the boy position the gun: at the centre of his father’s forehead.


“Promise that you will take care of Hannah!” Papa murmured, as he closed his eyes.


“Pull the trigger!” the man bellowed.


The voice scared the little boy, signaling his tiny index finger, pressurizing the trigger, and then a loud familiar noise rang in his ears. He opened his eyes and screamed. Blood that had splattered onto his face was warm and thick: his father’s blood. Overwhelmed with emotions, he turned towards the man, pointing the gun towards him and pulled the trigger again, but it didn’t work. There was only one bullet, and he wasted had it on his own father.


~~~***~~~


The noises from the adults were getting louder; he could hear them say there was an escapee. He knew they were screaming about him. But he promised.


Jonah stared at the gun barrel’s empty hole, it reminded of himself now: empty. He wondered if he had done the right thing. He couldn’t turn back now. He wanted to be free. Was this the one price he had to pay to see him and his sister free? He pointed his evil weapon towards his face. The boy wrapped his fingers on the barrel to keep it sturdy. With his free hand he brought it close to the trigger and closed his eyes. “See you Hannah. See you Ma. See you Pa.”


Bang!


© 2010 Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin



My Review

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Featured Review

Very sad but brilliant story. Nicely written and developed. You presented the characters mentality pretty well too.

A couple of things i spotted:

"creating the peaceful music" You don't need "the" since the music is not specified.

"cracking the dry leaves" Dry leaves don't exactly crack, dry branches do though.

"fast as he thin" a minor typo - "his"

"caressing a big black gun" Again "caress" is not the best choice, you can use "pressing" or "holding" though

"the risk he was willing to pay" You don't pay risks you take them.

"but her tone matched nothing like her age" Too uselessly complicated. i suggest "but her tone didnt match her age"

"in hushed but in a more hurried " You don't need the second "in."

"as she punctured" A typo again, should be her.

"held her arm tightly," Is it arm or hand?

Really sad ending i feel sorry for the siblings, i wish they had managed to escape.
Anyhow, keep up the good work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is so, so sad! A few grammatical errors but wow. The way you wrote it was amazing. Bit by bit the story came together. And it's so terribly sad. Great job! Keep writing!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow...I couldn't stop reading, it was a bit confusing mainly because I felt the he/she parts were a bit out of sorts....but then again I am on my 2nd day of no sleep what do I know...absorbing, regardless...and so sad....good job :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh, the last few paragraphs were so painful for me to read, but you had sucked me into the story with that amazing imagery so well that it was too late to turn back. I could see everything so vividly and I thank you for that.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very nice.Loved each and every part of it
:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I thought it was brilliant, officially i am jealous of your talent :) Sad ending though, but you did an amazing job- I was drawn in from the start.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very sad but brilliant story. Nicely written and developed. You presented the characters mentality pretty well too.

A couple of things i spotted:

"creating the peaceful music" You don't need "the" since the music is not specified.

"cracking the dry leaves" Dry leaves don't exactly crack, dry branches do though.

"fast as he thin" a minor typo - "his"

"caressing a big black gun" Again "caress" is not the best choice, you can use "pressing" or "holding" though

"the risk he was willing to pay" You don't pay risks you take them.

"but her tone matched nothing like her age" Too uselessly complicated. i suggest "but her tone didnt match her age"

"in hushed but in a more hurried " You don't need the second "in."

"as she punctured" A typo again, should be her.

"held her arm tightly," Is it arm or hand?

Really sad ending i feel sorry for the siblings, i wish they had managed to escape.
Anyhow, keep up the good work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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391 Views
6 Reviews
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Added on August 18, 2010
Last Updated on August 18, 2010
Tags: Anti Child Soldiers, Anti War, Social, Sad, Dark, Death, Children's Rights

Author

Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin
Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin

Lahore, Pakistan



About
I'm an amateur writer, who enjoys to write a lot. I almost write anything that comes to my mind, or what I am asked to write. My genres range from fantasy fiction to journal blogs and poetry to haiku... more..

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